(Closed) NWR: I feel like I have no friends…and it’s my own fault.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Really good friends pop up when you least expect them and you can find them in the most unusual of places and people.  My best friend I met at work.  She is def not the kind of person that I had ever envisioned would be my best friend, and I didn’t meet her until well into my 30’s.  Over the course of my thirties, I had a large group that I hung out with, but for one reason or another those girls fell away.  The two that are left are the two that I know will always be there. 

Don’t look for a best friend, just be a good friend and a good person and you will see in a few years that you will have found your best friend.  You never know, she may be someone that you meet on the Bee. 

Post # 4
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Have you tried getting in contact with your old friends?  Just to say hi or congratulate for the engagement or whatever?  You could start going to the church again and maybe picking up where you left off.  If they’re in a church group I’d imagine they might be willing to forgive and forget water under the bridge.  🙂  Why not start again?

As for new friends, maybe try joining a different group… some hobby you may have or interest?  Or even take some sort of class (like yoga, cycling, a book club, or photography) and meet new people with similar interests.

Try to be open to others and not expect too much too fast.  🙂

Post # 5
Member
1642 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@keepsmiling19: I have no advice for you because seriously, I read those first two paragraphs and felt like I had typed them myself. I’m chalking it up to a quarter life crisis. You’re in between the friends you have from college and needing to make new friends. And it just makes you feel like such a dweeby loser. That’s how I feel about myself, anyway. I used to have a lot of people I would hang out with in college, but for the past two years now that I’m working I feel like many of these people forgot I exist. People grow apart, but some DO grow together. I think with time and the more things you involve yourself in, this period will pass. At least, that’s what I’m banking on, too.

Post # 7
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@keepsmiling19: “For me, the hardest part is initiating hanging out with people and then actually following through. It’s more comfortable for me to be at home, watching TV or doing my own thing. I just have to force myself out of my comfort zone.”

THIS IS ME!  I feel your pain….I wish I had some advice!

Post # 8
Member
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know this is an old thread but…

 

This is me!  And when I try to re-connect with old friends via text/facebook I feel desperate and like a loser!  These people acknowledge my messages, but then nothing comes of it.  I make a point to say “We should soo catch up!” And then I see them post pictures of them hanging out with their normal group of friends..

Do these people think I look desperate? Do they seem to not bother because they see I’m married (and they aren’t) and that I don’t go clubbing/bar hopping or party? ((I do like to go out for drinks and dancing…I just havent since like Feb with an old friend and she now has a new born and doesn’t hang anymore..))

Why do people like my statuses, pictures, say omg you look gorgeous, message me about the loss of my step mom, but then don’t actually try to hang out?!?

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@BellaDee:  Aww, that stinks.  It’s hard for me because I live far away (we’re talking hours away) from my friends and I feel that some have definitely fallen away but it just stinks nothing here in my adopted state has taken hold yet.  It’s always been a problem for me, forcing myself out of that comfort zone to actually hang with people.  I am an only child so I am used to (and enjoy!) my own company…lol

Post # 10
Member
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrs_pudding_pop:  I don’t even know what to do!  I have a full-time job in a Utility company that is mostly male! I have male friends, but not ones I can talk to about anything,…I tell my husband everything!  I just need and crave that girl time and I don’t get that!

 

Post # 11
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i wish i had advice too but sadly im in the same boat. seems like alot of people have dropped out of my life and we have grown apart. i can count on one hand the friends i really have and half of them live out of state. its lonely and i get sad. thank god for Fiance because hes my best friend but even that makes it feel lonely

Post # 12
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think this is really common after college. It’s much harder to make and keep friends in the “real world.” I struggle with this all the time too and it really sucks sometimes.

@BellaDee:  Don’t feel like a loser! Friendships take work, just as much as relationships do, and someone has to make the effort to initiate. I’m always really grateful when other people initiate hanging out. We’re all so busy these days it’s easy to go months and months without seeing each other. Instead of saying “Let’s catch up!” try saying “What are you doing for lunch next Wednesday?”

Post # 13
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@BellaDee:  It’s even harder to make friends at work when you’re in Human Resources 🙁

My Fiance is going through a lot of this right now with his group of friends.  

I think wedding planning also brings the issue to the forefront more as you do things like plan a guest list and pick a bridal party.

Post # 14
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can definitely identify with just about everyone who’s posted here. We just moved to a new city for FI’s job, and went from having several things to go to a week to having no one to hang out with. Fiance has no real motivation to meet new friends because his family lives here and he is good at keeping in touch with his college friends, but me? Not so much. I still keep in semi-regular contact with several friends from my old city, but it’s not the same as having someone who can drop everything for impromptu coffee or a group of regulars who goes out for karaoke or plays board games a night a week.

I see friendly people in the elevator all the time, but I always feel so awkward talking to them.

Post # 15
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ugh, I’m in a somewhat similar situation. I moved to the US 2.5 years ago, and don’t have a single person here I could call my friend. I’m kind of an introvert, but I’ve never had any problems making friends back at home – in fact, I met two out of my three closest friends in the last 5 years or so.

How does one make friends as an adult?.. I’ve tried connecting through volunteering, I’ve tried inviting people over for dinner (they come, we have a great time, and then that’s that), I’ve tried after-work drinks with colleagues, I’ve tried coming out of my comfort zone and reaching out to people, but alas.

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