- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
This is one of those sensitive subjects, so please bear with me.
I feel like I don’t have any really good friends. I feel like I have acquaintances. I’ve got people I keep up with on Facebook, and people that I’m friendly to at work, church, and school. The thing is, I never really go and hang out with anybody. I have five bridesmaids (one is my sister, one is my cousin, two are college friends, and one is a friend from elementary school), and they’re all excellent. Problem is, all but one live out of town.
I used to have friends. I had friends I hung out with in college, friends from high school, and friends from church. The friends from church is the one that’s really getting to me right now. I used to have a really good social group with people who go to my church. I stopped going to some events, because I either had to work, or I didn’t feel like going out (I have a little bit of a social phobia…I hate going out, staying up late, all of that stuff). I would bail out on things at the last minute.
The other part was my attitude. I wasn’t very nice to some of the girls in this group, because they were younger (keep in mind, this was high school/early college me). I wasn’t mean, but I guess I thought it was dumb to be friends with people who were younger than you, so I never really gave them a chance. Talk about stupid.
So, with all of these things going on, it was easy for my friend to form a group with them. I found myself on the outside, looking in. I did this to myself, and I have myself to blame for this situation. I would really like to make more friends in general, ones that I can hang out with. I would like to get back into this church group of friends, or make new friends. I just have no clue how to do either of these things.
The other thing that makes it difficult is that my good friend (the one that is in the church group) just announced that she’s getting married. It made me a little sad, because we grew up together. I always envisioned that we’d be in each other’s weddings. I know that won’t be the case now. I’d like to try to re-start a friendship with this friend, but I don’t want it to come across as fake, or that I’m doing it just because she’s getting married.
I don’t know what to do. I really miss having friends, and eventually, couples friends. All other people my age seem to have friends that they do stuff with. I’m just not there, and I have no clue how to make an attempt to fix this, and fix mistakes I’ve made in the past.
Thanks for listening. I feel pretty pathetic just typing this out.