(Closed) NWR – I really need some support (LONG)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am not sure what you should do exactly but I do want to give you a reaaaally big HUG!

Hang in there girl!

Post # 4
Member
2262 posts
Buzzing bee

My heart is breaking for you, it really is. I’m so glad that you were able to get out of that situation with both girls & although I have no idea what you must be going through, I do know took a lot of courage to do what you did.

As for your daughter, this situation is extremely difficult. The most important thing is that at least you know it has happened and that you have your past-step-daughter’s account to prove it. I think mentioning this to her therapist is the best route as he can decide how much to disclose to her in order for a break-through.

I really wish you and your daughter all the best and hopefully your ex-husband will rightfully pay for all the excruciating pain and suffering he has caused you all.

*Hugs*

Post # 5
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry to hear about all that has happened to your family. Thank you for sharing it with everyone, I know it must not have been easy.

Obviously I don’t really think i can offer advice, since I just can’t imagine what you must be going through, but I do know that guilt is never something anyone should live with. There is no way you can blame yourself for what happened, and I think you should be proud for getting out in the first place.

I know its much easier said that done and guilt doesn’t go away that fast. But you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Post # 6
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

to the OP – My heart is b r e a k i n g for you but most especially for your daughter.  I am taking the chance that what I’m about to say is going to be unpopular here, but if we mothers can’t be accountable for what happens to our children, then who can? This is not the 1950s, meaning a woman does not have to stay put… in an abusive relationship.  (not sure she had to back then either, but you know what I mean-I think we have many more options now and society is much more open about this stuff).  

You don’t have to explain here on wedding bee why you did or did not do such and such, but the question out there has to be why there wasn’t a way to take the children and leave this monster.  You make clear he threatened you and the kids and that he was the worst of the worst; all the more reason to get out.  I assume you went marketing, you worked at his company (out of the house) and so forth, heck even those horrible nights he locked you out of the house – didn’t you have access to a phone, or wasn’t there a time you’d have the children with you without him when you could have contacted another parent, family, friends, a teacher, law enforcement?  Surely there must have been a way out?

Please know this is my utter distress and frustration talking at having read your story… but this is America and unless you were physically shackled, there had to have been a way, no? And while you may not have known explicitly about the molestation, you surely knew all the other misery to which he was subjecting you  and the children.  

 

Post # 7
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

@JoeBeth12: I agree, but this advice is pretty pointless for the OP as these things have already happened- hopefully she has learned. Maybe other readers will read your statements and get something out of it though.

 For the OP- Have a therapist talk to your daughter, go to the authorities, get this person locked up so he can’t hurt other children.

Post # 9
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

send him to jail and get your daughter, your step daughter, and you professional help. this type of abuse is hard on the whole family.  your family can overcome this, i wish the best to you! 

Post # 10
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m so sorry that you went and are still going through this. The worst thing that you can do is pretend it didn’t happen-which does not seem to be what you are doing.

There are counselors who specialize in sexual abuse. I would try to find her one asap. Your former stepdaughter needs some help too.

Again, I am so sorry.

Post # 11
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@keepingitsecret:

OMG, I am soooo sorry for what you and the children have been through. How horrible. I commend you for what you did.  It sounds like you absolutely did everything you could to get you and the children out of harms way. Please don’t feel guilty. My heart is breaking for you and the girls.  I am so glad that you are all receiving therapy.  I agree with telling the therapist what you know now, because the therapist will be the one to know how to help your daughter in the best way possible.  People repress things to protect themselves, so only a professional should help them heal. My heart and prayers go out to you.  May you all experience all the love and joy in the world now. You all deserve it. 

Post # 12
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

ive been in your shoes and the molested childs shoes, my molestor was my aunts husband who died of a brain tumour, when i needed someone to stand upfor me and serveral other of my female cousins no one did, i admit i was messed up for a while, but eventually talking to other people in the same situation who came out on top helped me tremendously to live a normal life, i look at now as a thing of the past and have a healthy view of what a loving relationship really is, that is after being abused in my last engagement… best thing you can do is demonstrate what a healthy relationship is and maybe find a POSITIVE support group. hugs to you and your girls, i know just how hard it is, but you came out of it alive and this is your chance to make your life happyier than ever 

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