(Closed) NWR: just need to get this off my chest! (a bit long, sorry!)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
923 posts
Busy bee

If you do want to move, do when you can but don’t feel like you need to just because others did. I’ve lived all over the country and I’m back living in the same area that I was born and raised and I love it. 

Post # 4
730 posts
Busy bee

I can relate. I grew up in a community full of privileged people and I never had that. It’s given me kind of a complex, especially consdiering all the rhetoric I heard as a child about how anyone can grow up to be anything they want to be, american dream, blah blah blah…. yeah right! I’m guessing you’re in your 20s too, and things are a lot harder for us than they were for our parents and grandparents.

It’s taking me forever to finish school. I work 32 hours a week and I can’t handle a full class load either. i’m really introverted; I NEEEEEED my zoning out time or I end up having constant anxiety, and I get migraines a lot, which makes it hard to study (excuses, excuses). Everyone works at their own pace.

I’ve compared myself to people on Facebook too, even though it’s never a good idea! Those successful people tend to stick out, but but I have to remind myself that they are all more well-off and therefore had more opportunities. And there are much MORE people that stuck around in the area and didn’t do anything particulalry noteworthy…. you’re just not noticing them. At this stage in life, some people have the career or whatever, but feel like a failure in their dating life. You and i feel like losers in other areas, but some people would love to be in a happy relationship. Nobody is totally blissfully happy all the time. 

How old are you? When I was 21 or 22 I had this overwhelming urge to move really far away and be independent, but my boyfriend didn’t want to and I decided not to dump him for that. Over time the urge faded and we kind of met in the middle, because we both realized that whatever growing we had to do, we would do it together. Now he’s looking high and low for a better-paying job but we’re actually kind of hoping we can stay in the area because of our family and friends. 

Post # 5
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Comparison is the theif of happiness. Just sayin……

Post # 6
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I know how you feel…I’m done with school, and living right outside my hometown, not using my degree. My friends are doing AMAZING things, and I work part time and take care of my baby. Nobody makes me feel bad for it, but I beat myself up all the time. Only one douchebag I knew when I was in college (who wasn’t even in school with me) ran into me when I was working in a related field, and smirked at me and said ‘This is what you do now?’ Like it wasn’t good enough….

I also get down b/c our department head actually told me that I had the talent to be sucessful, but I wasn’t aware of how difficult it would be, and she didn’t know if I ahd the drive. I cried and cried…but it’s turning out to be true!

The only thing i keep reminding myself  is that I have time. Barring an act of God, I have plenty of time to be ‘successful’. When my daughter starts school, my time will be mine again. If FI’s current job ends up being as lucrative as he thinks it will be, I can quit my crappy part time job and do something I love. The main reason I haven’t is because of the money. I’ve always had to work, too, and a good chunk of my friends who are doing what they love right now are doing it b/c their families helped them out in the beginning. Just keep working. Keep saving. Stay focused. You are so very lucky to have such a supportive SO!

Post # 8
463 posts
Helper bee

I sympathize, but I also gotta say be careful what you wish for! When I graduated high school my #1 priority was to move to a different state, and since then I’ve moved 4 times. I was unsatisfied, and moving seemed exciting and like a solution to all my problems, so I kept doing it. It may look glamorous on Facebook, but now I have no friends. I never stayed in one place long enough to develop solid friendships.

Anyway, it sounds like your SO is really awesome and supportive, and if I were you I would do it regardless of internet strangers with sad no-friends stories… but just do it for the experience, don’t expect it to make you happier or solve your problems… and I guess be careful about doing it over and over, haha.

I will say that being willing to move has been very helpful for career stuff – every time I’ve moved it’s been to go to a better school or job. So doing a worldwide dream job search and moving based on that is definitely a practical way to go.

Post # 10
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was in a similar situation as you.  The farthest from home I had ever lived was an hour and a half away. I dreamed of moving away for years, but I let my fears get to me. I used excuses such as, I will be so far from my family, what if I can’t find a job, what if I end up hating it?  I finally mustered up the courage and moved with my Fiance from Florida to California this past September.  I’ll be honest, I pretty much hated it here for the first six months. I totally regretted moving, cried pretty regularly, and just hated my life here.  It took some time, but I started making friends and taking advantage of all there is to do and see in my city. I go to state parks, go to the beach, have picked up some new hobbies. I’m really starting to love it here. 

If you really feel like you would like a new adventure and want to move, I say go for it. It might not be easy at first, but as you come into your own in your new surroundings, you may eventually grow to love it! 

Post # 11
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@soontobemrsm11:  That’s just one of the drawbacks of Facebook… maybe start spending less time on Facebook? (as if I could even follow that advice…) It sounds like you have dreams and ambitions but don’t know quite how to get there… Inspirational video time! 


(By the way, when you watch this video, I am not saying that you are doing any of things she says about 20somethings, clearly you have a great significant other and you have been thinking about the future, I just think she shares some great advice that could help you get where you want to go!)

Post # 12
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Just remember that it’s not a race.

I’ve struggled with the same issues; it took me so long to find the right degree to do that all the people I went to high school with have done their post grads and are working real, ‘grown up’ jobs now, having babies etc., and I am just about to start my Masters. I was so busy focussing on how much ahead everyone else was, that it took a while to realise that what I was/am doing is equally amazing, just different. The key is to do something that you enjoy, and something that will get you where YOU want to go in YOUR life, and then to hell with how everyone else gets to where they want to go.

Oh, and something that might help regarding Facebook: People that I don’t talk to on a regular basis generally think that I have *the* most exciting life, because I’ve run away with a circus, lived in several different countries, climb mountains, got an ‘exciting’ degree… What people forget is that a) what gets put on Facebook is all the highlights. I’m not going to post pictures of me sitting on the sofa in my pjs, 3rd day in a row, watching Teen Mom and glaring out the window at people, because I’m having one of my extreme introvert periods.

And b) the daily routine will find you, no matter where in the world you are and what you are doing. Your ex-class mates might be away in some other state doing an amazing job, but they will most likely still have a majority of days where they have to deal with annoying managers, pay bills, do that load of laundry…

It is so important that you live your life for you. Do what makes you happy, do what will get you where you want to be in life. If you worry about missing your mum, teach her how to use Skype. If you worry that she might need you later on in life, remember that you can always move back if you want to and need to. Or, she could move out to where you live. Plan regular trips back. There will always be a solution, it’s (just) a matter of prioritising.




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