(Closed) NWR: Loss, Friends and an Ex-Girlfriend, too.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I like how your fiance handled this. It bothers me she said he should be there because she was there for them while they were dating- I hate manipulation. Personally, I would have him call her back, tell her he’s sorry for what happened and then set a boundary: she needs to stop calling him. After that don’t answer the phone again and forget she exists.

 I’m sorry to hear about her family’s misfortune though 🙁

Post # 5
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Were they together when his parents passed? Not that he should have to “be there” for her regardless, but if they were together when his parent passed then I don’t understand how this situation is similar at all really. Of course you’d be there for your Fiance, but I’m not going to comfort every ex that ever goes through a traumatic event. Plus since she cheated on him and dumped him I don’t see how she deserves any loyalty.

It seems like the sister and Brother-In-Law are the ones experiencing the loss, and it sounds like y’all are doing your best to be there for them. I don’t think the ex Fiance needs to be part of this equation. It sounds like your Fiance is handling it the best way. Sorry you have to deal with all this.

Post # 6
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry, you have to go through this.  The ex is truly selfish and is only concerned about herself. When he’s ready to talk to her, then he will.  Better to ignore her calls instead of blowing up over the phone.  I would just be supportive of him and the family during this time. 

Post # 8
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well then of course she would be there for him…they were together. She lost that support system when she made the decision to cheat and break up with him. I may sound heartless in saying this but if my ex called me telling me that I had to be his support system and I owed it to him, it’s very likely I’d laugh. That’s just so incredibly bizarre to me that I just can’t even wrap my brain around it. It would be one thing if y’all had called her to offer support but the fact that she’s calling him demanding it just isn’t right.

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

 

Agree with what everyone else says.  Like mg1363 said ‘she lost that support system when she made the decision to cheat and break up with him’

My Fiance has had the same problem with an ex, still expecting the same level of closeness they had when they were together.  It just doesn’t work that way, that’s one of the main points of not being together, otherwise why split?  Not saying you can’t be friends with exs, but I don’t think it’s very respectful to any new partner to demand that level of support.

Sorry that you are both having to deal with this, and for the loss your friends have had. 

Post # 11
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think letting her know that now isn’t a good time sounds like a great idea if ignoring her doesn’t work, but I would think about letting him make the call, not you.

The topic ‘NWR: Loss, Friends and an Ex-Girlfriend, too.’ is closed to new replies.

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