- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Bees, I’m sorry, but this is going to be long. I just needed a place to vent a bit.
I am an only child and my mom and I are very, very close. We live about an hour and a half away, but probably talk on the phone 4+ times a day along with Facebook. I’ve never gone more than 24 hours without speaking to her. My parents frequently stop in here when they need to make a shopping trip so they can see my boys and me and I often make trips to spend the night with the kids at their house to visit.
My mom and grandma are both extreme Democrats. DH prefers to pay more attention to the candidates, but I would say leans a bit more Republican. I am someone who is just not into politics at all. I have my views and like to keep them to myself. I’m not interested in discussing politics much at all, and most know that about me.
After the election my mom was beyond enraged. Not saying that is wrong at all. I know it was very hard for her (and of course many others) that the person she voted for will not be president like she was certain of. When I talked to her on the phone I tried to keep conversations light with things about the boys and other odds and ends to help try and lift her spirit a bit. Every time I did, she would somehow manage to twist it into a political rant. Our conversations became very short because she was just so angry and couldn’t really focus on anything else. I then tried to back off a bit to allow her to fume and get it out.
On Facebook she was making post after post about the election and her views on the results. I’m used to seeing this from my grandma, but the amount my mom was doing was very unlike her and to be honest, some of the things she was saying were so nasty that it shocked me. It came to the point where I had to unfollow (not unfriend) both of them, and many others on both sides for the time being because it was all I saw whenever I logged into Facebook. The things I saw people saying to each other was just disgusting me and I just wanted to wait for things to calm down a bit.
She and my dad were giving each other the silent treatment because he wanted to watch the news and she said she absolutely refuses to have it on around her again. She and my grandmother also deleted a number of friends and family members off of Facebook over this and told them not to have anything to do with their family again.
At one point I asked her if there were any decisions made on if we were going to have Thanksgiving at her house or mine. She replied that either way was fine. I wanted to know if we were going to continue our rule of no political talk at holiday events and she told me she did not think she could hold her tongue this time. She then started going off about how “stupid” DH was for his vote and political views, and how she didn’t know if she could be around him without saying anything about it. In hindsight, I deeply regret not stopping her right there and standing up for him. Instead I tried to calm her down and wait for it to blow over.
Later that night she sent me a message on Facebook accusing DH of blocking her because for the last day she did not see him post anything. I explained to her that she was seeing exactly what I was seeing and he just must not have posted anything. She accused me of playing dumb, insinuating that either I knew he blocked her or that he blocked us all and I didn’t want to open my eyes to it. By that time I’d had enough and I told her I just couldn’t take it anymore. Every time we spoke she’d turn it into politics or rant about DH and it was really getting to me and hurting me. The last thing she yelled to me was “Fine! Then don’t!”
The next day when I spoke to DH about what happened, he himself showed me that he laid off posting for a bit because he knew how angry my mom was and figured her not seeing anything political from him would help out. I feel like we were in a position where she’d be mad either way. If he posted, she wouldn’t have agreed with it, and by not posting she was certain he went and blocked her.
It’s been six days now since we last spoke. Since then she will not like or comment on a single picture of the boys and I’ve now noticed that none of my other family members who used to will not do it either. I’m not a very social person. I have a very, very small group of friends and of course my family who I now feel like I’ve been disowned from.
On the rare occasion my mom and I fight, I usually give in within a day to try and smooth things over. I don’t believe I’ve ever once heard her apologize to me or acknowledge she may have done anything wrong too. I think she’s been counting on me calling and giving in as I usually do, but I feel like this time as much as it hurts, I need to stand my ground. I feel like this time, she needs to apologize to both me and DH and understand that what she’s been saying and doing is not okay and is extremely hurtful.
DH has been an absolute wonderful support through all of this, but I felt like I just needed to get vent this somewhere else and get it off my chest. Again, sorry for the lengthiness.