- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
I’ll try to make this short.
My best friend recently split from her husband. They’re seperated but he hasn’t signed any divorce papers yet and their split has been anything but nice. They have a 4 year old son together. Shortly after seperating from her husband, she started dating a guy and she became a completely different person. She started drinking a lot, smoking weed and being generally flaky when it came to the other people in her life. She let her husband have their son for four days out of the week instead of his usual two so she could spend more time with the guy she’s dating (it’s not speculation, she told me herself that she liked spending more time with her boyfriend and it kept her husband off her back). After experiencing my friend’s constant PDA with her boyfriend, and several of our plans were interupted by this guy, I stopped spending much time with her and she rarely even speaks to me anymore. She knows I don’t like the guy because of how he is; constantly telling her he loves her despite the fact that she told him she didn’t want anything serious and didn’t feel the same way, him joking with her about how “funny” it would be if she got pregnant, and the fact that he’s told the mother of his child who he was dating and even gave her my friend’s phone number (which has since led to lots of harrassing phone calls). He also tells her he wants her to help him raise his now two month old daughter and is desperate to meet my friend’s son, even though she told him she doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Her relationship with this guy is also a big secret because she feels that if her husband finds out that she’s seeing someone before the divorce is final that he can use it against her.
But, she’s an adult and nothing I say will make any difference, so I just tried to be there when she needed me and hoped that everything would be ok.
A few nights ago she called me and told me she’d gotten some disturbing and sick text messages from a guy she used to work with. The basic gist was that his wife was too old for him (he’s 29 and she’s 38), that they weren’t having sex anymore because she was taking care of their child all the time (his son was born with his intestines outside of his body and he’s had several surgeries) and that he basically wanted my friend to come have sex with him while his wife was out of town with their young child. My friend told me how disgusted she was with him and said how much it made her sick to think that he would even ask considering he knew that she was now dating someone. He even mentioned that he asked her because he thought she’d be vulnerable since she’s going through a divorce but that his wife had given him a “hall pass” to do whatever he wanted. I agreed that he was sick and pathetic and we ended the conversation.
This morning she calls me though and tells me she’s done something horrible. I asked her what it was. Apparently, she went and saw the guy and slept with him. She also even called his wife to make sure that it was ok. (She said it was, but I don’t know.)
She asked me what I thought and I was speechless. She is nothing like the person that I used to know. A year ago, she never would have slept with a married man, permission or not, and she wouldn’t have cheated on a boyfriend, even if they weren’t serious.
I don’t think I came here for advice or anything, mostly just to get this off my chest. She is my best friend and I no longer have any words that I can say to her. It’s gotten to a point where I dread answering her phone calls because all she wants to talk about is her sex life with her boyfriend, how great the sex was with the other guy or she’s asking me if I think her husband knows about any of this or if I think she’s a terrible person. What do I say? She’s 25 years old, she should know that the choices she’s making aren’t exactly the best ones, I shouldn’t have to tell her. And, it’s also really not my place to get involved with any of this.
I also think her husband has caught wind because he sometimes asks me if there’s any truth to the things he’s been hearing. He never says anything specific, but I get the feeling that word has got around. I haven’t said anything to him, and won’t. But I hate being in the middle of things like this. I also ended up in the middle of things when they were deciding to seperate.
This is just hard to watch her go downhill like this and I don’t know what to do, or who else to talk to about it. FH doesn’t really like her so his opinions and advice are usually biased.
Thanks for reading.