Post # 1
And I don’t know how to feel happy for her.
I mean, she just told me last night, so I don’t think it’s nessicarilly sunken in yet, but I’m not sure if I can be happy for her.
If any of you remember my post (here), you know that my relationship with my sister is rocky. We rarely see eye to eye on anything, but I love her very much. I dislike her lifestyle, but I don’t butt in. She’s free to live her life the way she chooses.
6 months ago she told me that she was trying to have a child with her boyfriend (of 4 months) at the time. I didn’t react well, and told her exactly how I felt about it, which wasn’t nice of me honestly. I apologized for reacting the way I did, and they were unable to conceive a child. Long story short, between 5 months ago and now, she has:
1. Dated a girl for a month; 2. Moved in with my Fiance and I; 3. Started dating a 26 year old man who has a 5 year old child; 4. Racked up a $600 debt with us; 5. Moved out of our apartment 2 weeks ago and is renting an apartment with her 26 year old boyfriend of 2 months; 6. Has paid us back all but $200; 7. Called me last night to tell me she’s pregnant.
I knew as soon as I answered the phone last night that she was going to tell me she was pregnant. I just knew.
She’s excited and happy.
I just cannot, for the life of me, feel happy about this. I’ve made it clear that I will love her and her child with all of my heart, but also told her that I need time to process all of this so I can’t feel excited right now.
I’m looking for advice about how I’m supposed to react about this, because our conversation an hour ago (through FB chat no less) didn’t go well and I ended up in tears.
Post # 3
I feel like you will probably get a lot of flack for this post but I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a friend who behaved in a similar fashion in the past. You absolutely do not have to be happy about this. All you have to do is support her and don’t let her know how sad and disappointed you are.
Post # 4
@Leland: Why will I get flack for this? I really hope that’s not the case, because I’m looking for honest feedback. 🙁 Also, thanks for this: “All you have to do is support her and keep your disappointment from her.” It’s exactly what I’m trying to do.
Post # 5
I can’t tell you how to feel, obviously. But maybe just be supportive?
Post # 6
You don’t have to be happy if you aren’t. The wise thing to do would be to keep that to yourself, though. As this child’s aunt you will probably need to look out for him/her, especially given the situation of their parents. Just be supportive as you can, and remember that it’s not about your sister, it’s about this unborn child who has no say in its parent’s situation.
Post # 7
@LindsayMaree: I don’t know why! I guess haven’t been around long enought to know if you will get flack for this, I’ve just seen on other message boards “it’s not your life, shut up!” in response to posts like these. I may be totally wrong, though 🙂 I should probably edit that part out of my post….
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I think at some point you have to politely be honest with her. Let her know you are happy for her that she is going to have a baby and bring new life into this world but that your concerned about the choices she’s been making and how quickly this all happened. It sounds like you’ve sort of been doing this along the way, but I would not continue to hide your disappointment. I would be honest about your mixed feelings and continue to let her know you love her and will love her baby.
Post # 9
For better or for worse her decisions and her mistakes are her own to make, you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to agree with it. All you have to do is be there for your sister when she needs you.
Post # 10
@LindsayMaree: I don’t blame you for the way you’re feeling. I’m not sure how old your sister is but having a child is huge. She doesn’t sound terribly stable, either, so I can only imagine how much anxiety that must be giving you. I agree that being supportive is key, but I definitely don’t blame you for not feeling too happy about it all.
Post # 11
Well no one can tell you how to feel but imagine if you told your sister that you were pregnant and she was less than supportive? She wants this and although many women have children long before they are ready, really it’s her decision and she’s happy about it. You wont be supporting the child, you wont be raising the child, so there should be no reason for you being upset.
A child is a blessing no matter what. No matter who has that child. It’s a new life, a new personality, a new chance coming into this world. It shouldn’t really be looked at so negatively. A child is NEVER a bad thing. At least I don’t think so.
Go ahead, throw the stones but no matter the circumstance, she’s having the baby and if you’re against it, chances are you will regret it because your sister wont want someone who doesn’t like the fact that she had a baby around her baby.
Support is what she needs. Whether she met the guy and had a one night fling or was married to him for 30 years, it makes the pregnancy and the child no more unreal
Post # 12
I understand why it is hard for you to feel happy for her. Yes, having a baby is a happy occasion, but raising a child is not a piece of cake. From what you wrote, she sounds like she can barely take care of herself, let alone another person who is completely dependent on her.
I’d feel concerned if this was my sister. I think it’s good advice to support her and not show your disappointment, but there is nothing wrong with expressing your concern. Especially since she will likely turn to you for help at some point.
Post # 13
To add on to my previous post…You’ll definitely need to be there for your future neice/nephew.
Post # 14
I would just be supportive. What else is there to do?
Post # 15
Thanks for all of the comments.
As a general reply to all of you, I am being as supportive as possible by telling her that I love her, already love this unborn child, and will continue to love them both. I was honest and told her that I can’t feel excited right now however. I told her that I need some time to process it. I wasn’t mean, condemning, or irrational, I was just honest in the nicest way possible.
@pinkgreenandyellow: Maybe I’m not sure what you mean by it, but I do not believe I’m “throwing stones” at my sister. You ladies are the first people, besides my Fiance, that know how I truly feel about this. Is confiding in all of you throwing stones?
Post # 16
I would be upset and I would not support her. I cannot for the life of me comprehend intentionally getting pregnant out of wedlock, so intentionally getting pregnant out of wedlock while in a new relationship and while your life is crazy is so far beyond the realm of logic for me that I don’t see how I could be anything but upset if I were you. I’d be begging her to abort and get her life back on track. What an awful situation 🙁 .
(apologies for the run-on sentence, firing off a response while at work, heh)