(Closed) NWR: Need advice..long….

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

oh gosh, my first thought is "where there’s smoke….."

But only you know your Fiance well enough to know what to do.  I know if I had an inkling something maybe a little weird and got that text message I would be wigging out too.

 

Post # 4
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

How long have you been engaged and how long were you together before that? How long has it been since he was divorced? You need to be honest with him, but in my opinion you are treading in dangerous waters and I would really ask yourself if this is what you want… not trusting someone 100% is an awful way to go into a marriage. If he cheats on you once you are married what will you do? Will you be ok with it and stay with him because you love him that much? Please don’t read this as attacking… I absolutely do not mean to sound judgemental or threatening but you really need to think about what you could be getting yourself into while you still have the time. Consider the accidental text message a gift from fate.

Post # 6
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - The Rivers Club

Okay this may be the worst advice you are ever given, but you’re getting it anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

Follow your gut, if you think something is up, find out and find out for sure. For better or worse I am known as "Miley P.I." because no one can lie to me without me finding out. I search and dig until I know for sure. Luckily though I have yet to be wrong about my suspicions so my investigating has gotten me in less trouble than the lier’s lie.

It is a bit crazy, I know, but I can’t help it. Once the whole story is out in the open everyone feels much better. Obviously, I don’t recommend doing anything hurtful, but find out from him for sure what is going on. There is no reason you shouldn’t know. 

Post # 7
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

Ahzucar,

I think you bring it up to him that you asked his mom. He may be annoyed that you went behind his back but this is your MARRIAGE you are talking about! You have got to put it all on to the table now. Explain to him that you couldn’t leave it alone and that it bothered you so you went to his mom, and this is what she said…. Ask him flat out to be completely honest with you. You are being honest with him…. He should understand if he loves that you really needed to get to the bottom of this. If he has nothing to hide then it shouldn’t matter. IF you still feel like he isn’t being completely honest with you then I agree wtih Pineapple/Miley P.I. …. keep digging. If you are still unsatisfied and still queasy about it closer to your wedding date… postpone the marriage until you feel 110% sure. Don’t put yourself in that situation where you are married and he has cheated on you… that way you never have to know what you will do…. Again… totally just my opinion. Go with your gut and stay strong!

Post # 8
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I think relationships that last are built on openness, honesty, and trust.  You’ve been together 3 years and you didn’t know there were infidelities on both sides of his previous marriage.  That’s a big deal.  I’m sure he’s embarassed by it, and/or didn’t want to scare you away – but him being honest to you about the situation and what he learned from it and how he would never do it again would definitely have made a difference.  And you wouldn’t have the feelings you have right now.

 

Really right now just tell him that the things that have transpired make you feel uncomfortable and tell him why.  So what if she calls him.  You’re right – her calling him does not in any way say that he did something wrong.  But him keeping that information from you is deceptive.  That’s where the problem starts.

 

How far away is your wedding?  This is the kinda of situation pre-marital counseling really helps you work though.  You need to know now how to deal with these situations and his ex-wife in the future.

 

If you guys try to work through this and you still feel like there’s dishonesty, deceptiveness, and lack of trust – I would think long and hard about walking down the aisle.  You don’t want to spend a lifetime second guessing his actions – or feeling like you have to snoop.  That’s not a happy marriage.

 

Best of luck working through this situation!!  You may feel like that text was a ‘mistake’ but maybe it’s what you need to open your eyes to some issues you had your back turned too ๐Ÿ™‚  I hope he will understand your fears and work together with you to change these things in your relationship.

Post # 10
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you think something is up… and a woman’s intuition is very rarely wrong.  He’s already decieved you by not telling you they kept in touch… you had to hear that from his mother.

 

   I know this is difficult, but I would leave him.  Why do you want to put yourself through drama for the rest of your life?  He can’t be honest with you now, and you want to commit to him?!  There are so many men out there..  go find a better one. 

Post # 11
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

don’t you just press respond and it should go to the right person when you text message… don’t know how he could have sent it to you by "accident".

I would be a Miley PI.  Make sure he’s honest.  Him talking to his ex shouldn’t be an issue…but make sure you trust him ๐Ÿ™‚ good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

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