Post # 1
Hi guys. I have a confession to make and could really use some advice on how to move forward.
I have been brought up Christian, never “hard-core” (if you know what I mean) but church almost every Sunday, I believe in God, etc. I met Darling Husband through volunteering (not church-related), I tried to “fight” liking him because he wasn’t Christian, but things moved forward, we dated and we got married. I fully admit for the past couple years I have not been making an effort to live as a Christian, and I am ashamed of that. I know about “not being yoked together with unbelievers”, but this is the choice I made. And lately I feel like maybe it was a mistake, but mistake or not I’m married to (and love) Darling Husband and that’s that.
Darling Husband does come to church with me and I know he wants to believe in something and I can feel him searching, but he just hasn’t really connected with anyone who can help him and maybe answer any questions he may have (I feel like I’m not suitable cuz I’m not very well educated as a Christian).
Anyway. I don’t even know what I’m asking. Just some encouragement or advice, or something. I desperately want (and need) to change the priorities in my life because I know I haven’t been making God #1, but when I do, I feel so guilty for marrying a non-Christian.
Post # 3
@soon2bhis: I would pray hard core for him. Maybe buy him a book, like a mens devotional or something. If he is searching, then he is “spongy”, and God might speak to him. Just pray pray pray.
Post # 4
My mom was a Christian and my dad wasn’t when they got married 30 years ago. In fact, I’m not certain that he’s a Christian even now. His life has changed a lot in the last 10-15 years, but he’s never made a profession of faith that I know of. I think when they got married she didn’t think it would matter that much. My parents are very much in love, but they have had some issues over the years because of their difference in priorities.
I think the most important thing for you to do is to pray for your husband. Pray that he would see who God is and want to be in a relationship with him. Ask God to help you be an example to your husband, and also pray that God will put other people in his life that will help him take his next steps toward Jesus.
I think it would also be beneficial for you to talk to your husband about your desire to shift your own priorities. I don’t know where he’s at in his journey, but maybe seeing your desire to grow closer to God will encourage him to do the same thing and it will also help him understand the changes he will see in you.
One of the things I really respect about my mom is that she has NEVER pushed my dad to believe the same things that she does. Yes, she wants to see him in a relationship with Christ, but she’s never made her love conditional on him making that choice. She married him knowing he didn’t share her faith and she’s loved him for who he is.
I’ve always thought of my parents when reading 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. Maybe it’s through the witness of my mom’s quiet but consistent walk that my dad will come to know the Lord. And maybe that will be the case for you and your husband too.
Post # 5
Don’t worry, you are not alone in your journey!
Try not to think about yourself as a bad or a good Christian, God is no respecter of persons!! (he has no favorites or ranking systems)
His mercy is new every morning 🙂 Start with prayer and just speak about whats on your mind! Also, Maybe the Church your going to isn’t the right fit! You definitely want to get yourself in a good Bible church and one that makes you comfortable and has opportunities for you to get plugged into a group of maybe other married couples, or classes that delve deeper into the Bible to help you get to where you want to be. Plus trust me, the Bible will be an infinite source of learning , no one is really an expert. The beautiful thing is God grants us wisdom to understand anytime we want to open it up and study 😉
About your husband, I’m not sure exactly whats going on -if you have doubts about him regardless of religion or you feel an impending doom. He and you both have plenty of room to grow in your faith and choices. I would defiantly pray for him and just keep doing what your doing!
Post # 6
I agree with all these ladies. Very good advice. You don’t need to feel guilty for trying to be a better Christian, just be excited to start each day new and learn to refocus. And like @blayne7: said, don’t make it a focus on changing your husband, but work on your goals and lead with your example. *hugs* You are very much not the only woman (or even bee) going through this type of thing.
Post # 7
Thanks so much ladies 🙂
@Eva Peron: We are mostly church-jumping right now looking for a new church that fits our schedule (we can only go evenings due to DH’s schedule, so it’s definitely narrowing down the options!).
Post # 8
@soon2bhis: In the last few years I made a big move, and I know what the inbetween feeling is like! I felt just out of place and like I was slacking off kinda lol. You don’t really feel involved and its hard to focus!
Praying that one of the ones with an evening service suits your needs and you guys can grow into it!!
Post # 9
@Eva Peron: Thanks so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate it!
Post # 10
Encouragement on the way!!!!!!
Whether you knew you were “evenly yoked” or not.. you are married and God’s idea of marriage is that He wants to make it a forever thing. Don’t even let your mind go on regretting or quesitoning or ANYTHING like that b/c God wants you IN YOUR MARRIAGE!
That said… If you know that you’re not walking with God to the full extent that you should be, then all you do is start. Don’t beat yourself up (God never condemns) and don’t get stuck on the short-comings (God always sees us for what He can make us.. not what we “currently” are)
Glad to here that y’all are looking for a church right now.. that’s a good first step! And having a church family to do life with is awesome!… we need LOTS of help (or atleat Darling Husband and I do.. lol)
Even if your husband is not a believer at this point just remember that God gave us wives a PROMISE when it comes to unbelieving husbands.. that’s right… a promise!
1 Peter 3:1….. please don’t think it’s anything BUT A PROMISE… see it for what it is and stand on it, walk it out, and CLAIM IT AS YOURS!
You do your part in letting God work in you, and he’ll bring your husband along. God wants you to have that relationship with him and that marriage with your Darling Husband that’s you’ve always desired and when you look totally to him on it, take heed to his voice, and let his grace abound in you, he will manifest those things and he will do more than you could’ve ever thought!
And like pp said…. you get on your face for your husband… PRAY PRAY PRAY. Get scripture that you can stand on in prayer, b/c God’s word in powerful and it DOES complete what he set it out to do (Isaiah 55:11) Start washing your husband in the word (Eph 5:26.. actually what the hubs is supposed to do but we ladies can/should do it too).. Start calling out was is not as though it is (Romans 4:7).. that he IS your mighty man of valor (a fav from the story of gideon) that he WILL know the voice of God and the voice of another he will not follow (John 10:4-5), that he WILL walk out all God has for him (Psalm 138:8 nlt), and that as you stay close to God no man will seperate what he put together (matt 19:6).
^ I’ve see this work! In my life and many others…. b/c just like pp said God is not respector a man, BUT does watch over his word to perform it.
Goodluck sweetie! =)
Post # 11
If you’re not “hard core,” you can’t expect your husband to be, either. The scripture does say that you should either be hot or cold; never lukewarm (Rev 3:16), so if you’re on the fence, you can’t expect him to jump in with both feet. I hope you guys find a GREAT church, because I know that church family support either makes it or breaks it a lot of the time. But, if you’re working towards it, you will find it one way or another, especially with all the prayer support you’re getting. Good luck to both of you, and I hope your relationship with God grows stronger and allows you two to grow closer together!
Post # 12
PP seem to have covered a lot of what I would say about uneven yoke and whatnot but for things that might help:
A good study Bible for him that makes things easier to understand (I use Rainbow Study Bible in NIV because it color codes verses by meaning which can be helpful but I’ve found that New American Standard has a slightly more loyal translation from Hebrew, not that NIV is that much farther off. I can’t couch for the Greek translation.)
Mere Christianity is decent for most questions, Somethings in Book 4 can be a bit contentious – and I disagree with his opinion on pacifists out and out saying they are wrong. But on the BIG issues he’s pretty clear.
Maybe both of you taking a theology class together or find a church that offers evening classes or small group? My church offers something called “discipleship classes” which are topical and aimed at informing. Something like this would give you both a chance to learn. You could also find a strong christian or couple to answer any questions he may have.
Post # 13
A book that I have found INCREDIBLY helpful and encouraging is “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. There is a book written for men (The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott) that compliments The Excellent Wife very well. The two authors collaborate together frequently.
I gave The Exemplary Husband book to Darling Husband a couple years ago before we were married. Part of me felt bad for giving it to him because I was taught later on that men can sometimes see that as an insult. In DH’s mind, I was telling him that “he is not a good enough husband to me and I needed him to read that book to fix him”. I had to apologize and explain to him that I gave him the book because I found The Excellent Wife to be so encouraging and helpful in my own life. Being a wife is new to me and it was such a blessing to receive counsel from a godly woman on how I should be conducting myself.
This year, Darling Husband decided to start reading The Exemplary Husband and the changes in his life were miraculous! God taught him so many things and grew him in ways that I never thought possible. Darling Husband is NOT a reader. He didn’t like reading at all before he met me and turned his nose up at books. Last week, Darling Husband said, “I think every man should read The Exemplary Husband.” I am so thankful that God gave him the desire to start reading that book. The difference in his life is like night and day. It has made our marriage so sweet and I thank God every day for bringing such a wonderful man in my life.
Another key aspect to DH’s change was our amazing church family. We got plugged into a great church. We have been there for 2 years now and are still working at making new relationships. That sort of thing takes time. The more you get involved in your church, the more you will grow in your relationships with other Christians.
Remember, there is nothing that you can do in your own power that will make your husband desire a relationship with the Lord. You can only be an example to him in your own life. God is the only one who has the power to change hearts. Reading 1 Peter 3 is a good reminder of how we should act towards our husbands.
Most importantly… PRAY! God is faithful; he will hear you and help you to persevere. 🙂
Post # 14
I think the best thing you could do would be to hook yourself into some church/program/small group/study to grow as a Christian yourself. Then slowly see if he’s interested. Start talking to him about what you’re learning, and ask his opinion.
Post # 15
So we went to a new church this week and it was AWESOME. Darling Husband said he liked it, and I’ve never felt so inspired and at home at a church. Unfortunately I’m away for 2 Sundays every month and I don’t think he’ll go by himself, but it’s definitely a start 🙂
Post # 16
@soon2bhis: Yay! Happy update! Maybe on those 2 weekends you’re gone, you guys could read the same devo or listen to the same hour of Christian radio and talk about it. Just to keep connected with one another and church while still being free to do whatever and not having him feel awkward going alone.