Post # 1
I’m going anonymous for this as I don’t feel like I can bring it up to friends and family.
I’m pregnant. And I’m not feeling a connection with my soon to be baby. We went for our ultrasound a few days ago. Saw it on the screen and heard the heartbeat. I thought I may feel something then- but nothing.
Husband is over the moon. He got emotinal when I told him. He teared up when he told his mom. He teared up when he first saw the baby on the screen and cried a little hearing the heartbeat. I felt nothing.
I’m trying to wrap my head around why I don’t feel anything. And it’s bothering me- in all honesty- I’m worried about how I’m feeling and if it’s not normal.
I come from a place where I do not believe in life until after the first breath- unaided… So I’m very much pro-choice. Not that I have had to make the decision for myself. But that’s how I see life beginning. So maybe that’s why? I also don’t see an issue with medically assisted euthanasia- for the patient who has decided after a certain point- they’re ready to depart this life. So maybe that’s why?
I love all living things. I love my family- pets, friends- friends kids. And get a little emotional when they accomplish big things or something unfortunate happens.
The few people we have told- since it is still a little early- have asked if I’m excited. And I have to lie and say ‘yes’. Because I am not feeling anything- at all. Because if I tell the truth- I’m going to be judged harshly.
I’m hoping it will change. Maybe when I first feel the baby move. Or if it looks like something on the ultrasound.
Maybe I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt like this? And if it changed? Or should I be worried about myself and my future baby? Husband and I both want a child- maybe two. But right now- I’m not feeling like a mother to be at all.
Thank you for listening.
Post # 2
Yes, I felt no connection and the first three months, I had a ‘wtf did I do moment’ way too frequently (morning sickness did not help either). I don’t think one has to be emotional during pregnancy. Who made those rules?
It did change when I saw and felt my child though.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
I never really felt this huge emotional connection to my unborn (I have 3). I mean, I would have been devestated to lose a pregnancy, but until I saw that little face I felt pretty much the same as you do.
Post # 4
trekstar : first 3-4 months of my pregnancy I didn’t feel pregnant at all ( whatever that means), I felt like I was chronically ill or something.
Even at 21 weeks Im not making goo goo eyes at my bump or crying over ultrasounds. I don’t think it really has hit me yet I am going to have a baby ( LOL)
Don’t worry- you are NOT alone!
Post # 5
Thank you bees. This is making me feel better that I’m not the only one.
With friends and family they always acted over the moon excited. And I can’t act that well to show those emotions
Post # 6
I feel the need the preface with: I LOVE my children. They have been my life for 17 years.
But… I honestly felt no connection until they were born. I was pissy and uncomfortable and they were fucking up my body and I just wanted them out! I wanted my space back! And I couldn’t actually ever say that to anyone or I would be a horrible person. I was supposed to be all ethereal and glowing and creating life and all that. Eff that. I was miserable.
But as soon as they were born and I saw this little person who was an individual and actually out in the world, everything changed and I fell in love.
Post # 7
trekstar : Seems totally normal to me! I, too, didn’t really feel a connection until after my daughter was born. To be totally honest, it wasn’t even an instant thing when she was born, either – I was just too exhausted and overwhelmed. It took time. When I did start building a connection, the sheer strength of it would (and still does) take me by surprise every now and again. Like any other relationship in life, you need time to build that connection, to get to know your child’s personality… effectively, to get to know them as a real person and not just as a theoretical person-to-be.
Post # 8
trekstar : don’t worry about it. I was glad the heart was beating but mostly just ‘ok, there it is’ for my first ultrasound. At the second I was glad to see the spine intact. Nothing felt real to me until after he was born. I was glad but it was just surreal for a few days. And at 6 months I love the crap out of that aggravating little bugger (can you tell who slept badly last night?)
the tech told me fewer people burst into tears than tv implies and my reaction was pretty normal.
Post # 9
skunktastic : I felt like my tech was waiting for me to do something haha.
I’m really glad you bees are sharing your stories. Thank you
Post # 10
I wouldn’t say it’s abnormal. I didn’t really make a connection to my son until I found out he was a boy. Once I found out the sex, it was easier for me to connect on an emotional level. Also, that’s around the time I started to actually feel him move, he had a name, started on the nursery, etc.
Post # 11
What you’re feeling is normal for sure. You might not feel anything until you give birth, 3 months out, when you feel kicks. There’s such a wide range of what’s normal.
Post # 12
It took me 2 years to concieve my son and 5 months to convieve this one (currently 26 weeks). So they were very much wanted babies. I will say that I have a hard time connecting during pregnancy. Even after my son was born there was a little while where I just felt out of my element. But once he started developing a personality (smiling, sleeping with his hands behind his head, little things like that), I started to really feel that “motherly love” everyone talks about. For me, it wasn’t an instant connection at the sight of a BFP or even from giving birth. I was excited, but not “in love.”
Post # 13
trekstar : How far along are you? I am just over 8 weeks and had my first ultrasound last week. I can’t say I feel a connection. I don’t even feel excitement and I WANTED this pregnancy. I chalk this up to feeling very sick in my first trimester which really takes away from any enjoyment. I also feel overwhelmed with such a major life change I am embarking on. I do suspect I will feel better in time and connected to my growing baby but at the moment things are hard.
Post # 14
j9marie : When I got my ultrasound they told me 8w3d. Which is just a day behind what the ‘Glow’ app calculated.
I’ve been lucky compared to others. I’ve had no throwing up (knock on wood) just a constant in the back of my head feeling off. And sore boobs- really sore boobs. And fits of crying over stupid things- like when husband brought home mini-pizzas: Hawaiian- I love that stuff and was just so happy he brought it home for me. Without me asking.
Post # 15
I felt no connection. I was excited, but I didn’t feel like “yes baby, I would die for you today to protect you”, because I couldn’t see or hold or really wrap my mind around the fact that I was carrying a little human. Once he was born that changed, but it was still not this immediate freak out love. I felt very protective at that point, but each day that passed the amount of love I had for him grew and grew. Now my son is two and I would do anything for him. His hugs and smiles literally change my whole day if I’m in a bad mood, and he truly means the world to me.
You will most likely get there, but I think it’s really important to be aware of your feelings and take care of yourself. You could even start therapy now, if you’re afraid you may be dealing with postpartum depression later on or maybe not sure if you want to continue with the pregnancy. You don’t have to keep all these feelings to yourself, but you can reach out to someone outside of friends and family who won’t judge you or say something stupid because they aren’t equipped to handle your feelings.