NWR: Not feeling a connection (Pregnant)

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

trekstar :  Super normal! Women feel a variety of things and it’s all very normal. I was the opposite. I felt CRAZY connected to my pregnancy – like, fell in love from that first pee stick. Sobbed at every ultrasound. Talked to her, sang to her, was obsessed with my growing baby for the whole 9 months. I expected to be an emotional mess when I gave birth – and I was weirdly detached. The baby I gave birth to wasn’t anything like the one I’d been imagining for 9 month and that confused me. It took a few days for the feelings of love to kick in. Now she’s 5 weeks old and I can’t imagine loving anyone more than I love her. 

Anyway… my point is that the human brain is weird. We all process differently! You’ll get there ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 32
9728 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m pregnant and don’t feel emotional over it. But that’s my standard personality, I’m not a super emotional person anyway. Our baby is definitely wanted and we tried for months to conceive but right now she’s just this little parasite taking all my energy and kicking me. I’m sure when she’s here i’ll be in love.

Nothing wrong with you!

Post # 33
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I can relate. My pregnancy was a surprise, so I wasn’t over the moon like many women are when they find out. Everyone was more excited than I was, but I owned it. I was worried the pregnancy was going to suck the life out of me, but I’ve been able to continue my usual routine and interests for the most part. Now in the third trimester, I think I’m finally actually excited. You’ll find your way! Congratulations!

Post # 34
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My last pregnancy was a surprise and I felt no connection the entire pregnancy…I faked an excited reaction in every ultrasound bc I felt I had to…as soon as she was born I was in love and she is my everything now!! 

Post # 35
1665 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My baby was very much planned and wanted but i spent my first 13 weeks feeling like absolute shit and hated it tbh. I felt really guilty and kinda depressed about it and was not excited as a result.

As soon as I started to feel better and get a bump I started feeling more and more attached. I’m 19 weeks now and in love especially because I can feel movement.

I think what you’re going through is taboo to discuss cos ppl suck ass but its common 

Post # 36
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Hi, I’ve never been pregnant but wanted to say I’ve heard from one or two friends similar things. Everyone only talks about the “glowy” pregnancy stuff but not all women experience it like that at all!! I don’t think women should be judged for their experience and it doesn’t mean you won’t be a great mother. So, don’t feel to pressured to act all super happy amd excited if that is not what you’re feeling. Have a one liner you are comfortable with to tell people when they ask and that doesn’t invite further chitchat about it. In my view pregnancy is actually a very private thing, despite every Tom, Dick and Harry thinking it’s all up for discussion! ๐Ÿ™‚ And don’t pressure yourself thinking you have to feel a certain way! 

Post # 37
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Please don’t worry about not feeling a connection! It’s totally normal. You may feel it as the pregnancy goes on, you may not. Some Mums even take a while to feel that connection once the baby arrives!

I think the media presents women with this really fake image and we end up thinking we’re supposed to feel certain ways in certain moments and that we are failures if we don’t. So much exaggerated sentimentality and conditioning, when really, we’re all different – you’ll be ok. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 38
395 posts
Helper bee

I’m pregnant and I felt that initial connection from the beginning but I also feel panic/worry and think “shit what did we do” all the time! My emotions range from enjoying feeling her move inside of me (hating when she hiccups though) and feeling like omg our life as we know it will soon be over! 

It definitely became more real when we saw her in 4D and suddenly she looked like mini Darling Husband and not a black and white blob – being able to feel her move was also a big moment – she responds to us now and it actually feels like there’s a baby inside. (It still doesn’t feel real that soon I’ll have to give birth to her). 

I don’t believe there are emotions you should be feeling or displaying – and that’s true for when they are born as well. My friend who wanted children for the past 5 years now has a 4 month old and she confessed how difficult it is – and that’s fair enough – I think it’s good that people share these feelings because otherwise we all believe that we should be feeling joyous all the time and feel isolated that it’s just us who are not 100% happy… 

Post # 39
107 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t worry about it too much – my pregnancy was planned and our baby was very much wanted but I still HATED being pregnant and felt no connection to my baby before she was born. The whole thing was sort of abstract and weird for me and I remember losing my shit to my husband after some yoga class where we had to sit with our hands on our bellies and “breathe love to our babies”. I was like “I just want my back to stop hurting! Can we focus on the stretching and stop all this bullshit?!”

Even after she was born it took me a little while to feel that “all-consuming love” people talk about. I mean, I liked her but she was pretty much a stranger that I had to get to know. But here we are, 6 months in, and I can’t imagine loving anything or anyone more. So no stress – you are not that abnormal and it will work out ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 41
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I didn’t get a connection until way later in the pregnancy, but tbh, it wasn’t a full connection. Heck, even right after I gave birth and they put my son on me, I was like “OMG a slimy baby – he’s not even washed!” (to be fair I was drugged up haha). It grew and grew the days after, when I didn’t feel so uncomfortable, in pain, drugged up…

Post # 42
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Hi Bee!

Chiming in to say that I felt the same way as you for the first part of my pregnancy!.. Actually, more like the first half! 

This was a planned pregnancy, but I felt mostly in shock after finding out I was pregnant, while my husband was crying tears of joy and wanted to tell the whole world! It took me a couple weeks to even accept that this was reality, then I got horrible morning sickness that had me glued to the couch, bed, or toilet for almost 2 months. I got depressed and lost 15 pounds due to being so sick. At Christmas everyone wanted to talk about how magical and amazing it was being pregnant, and I still didn’t feel any real connection and felt more fearful than excited. I was so annoyed at my well meaning family members and in-laws who confided in me that they felt “the best I’ve ever felt” while pregnant with their children.

However, in the last two to three weeks I’ve felt a complete 180. The baby started kicking and wiggling, enough that I can tell when he’s awake or asleep, and developing patterns. Also, we had our anatomy scan and found out we were having a boy who is, so far, devloping perfectly. During the scan we watched him reach out and play with the umbilical cord, and seeing him kick on the screen while also feeling it was just UNREAL. 

I mean I still don’t feel like a goddess or anything, but I’m truely looking forward to meeting our little baby! Don’t feel bad if you’re not connecting right now, I think it takes time and is different for everyone.

Wishing you a safe and happy pregnancy!

Post # 43
568 posts
Busy bee

It is totally normal, I didnt feel that connection either, actually i did not even feel pregnant until i felt her move for the first time, i also worried that i wouldnt love her once she was born. When she was born, it wasnt love at first sight like everybody describes. Put it like this, you are just getting to know this creature that was given to you out of nowhere. With time, that feeling will pass, my daughter is 3 years old now and i cant imagine my life without her, she brings so much joy and happiness to us. The house feels empty when she is not there!

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