Post # 1
I’ve been on this crazy schedule lately. Working full time, taking a night class two days a week. Time with Fiance has been very limited and it’s starting to be a strain. I have class M and W, so I usually make sure we get a date night or time together on Tuesday. This week it’s been especially draining, since I did a lot of studying over the weekend and didn’t get a lot of time in with Fiance.
A close friend of mine invited me to this dinner event tonight. I haven’t seen much of my friend lately, so it would be nice to see her. FI is fine with me going. But, I’m finding that I’d rather just hang with Fiance.
I THINK I’M TURNING INTO “THAT” FRIEND!!! The one that only wants to hang with Fiance and not her girlfriends!
If Fiance wasn’t around, then I would hang with my friend in a heartbeat. The event is something she doesn’t really want to go to alone, so I know she’d appreciate me being there. When she first told me about it, I told her I couldn’t do it because my budget was maxed out – and she offered to pay for my meal! I don’t feel right about accepting that, on top of how I’m feeling in general. But, I mention it to point out how much she wants me to join her. But, this is NOT uncommon for her (she often wants me to join her at events she feels uncomfortable going to alone).
I feel a bit guilty for not seeing more of my girlfriend lately. On the other hand, I really just want to be with Fiance and unwind after the crazy past few days. FI and I will probably see each other for a couple hours on Friday after work – and not get any good time together until Sunday.
Can someone please give me some rational advice, since apparently, I can’t think straight today? 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s a matter of you choosing your Fiance over your friend in this specific case. It sounds to me like you’re just exhausted and you could use some R&R at home. I would stay home with the Fiance, but you should make some effort when things get un-crazy to hang out with your friend.
Post # 4
I have “those friends” and I am losing them. It really sucks. Sometimes it feels like knowing someone for years doesn’t mean anything once they get engaged or married.
Don’t be “that” friend. You can MAKE TIME for your Fiance this weekend. She invited you b/c she wants to see you…obviously she really REALLY wants to see you since she didn’t just say “ok” bout the money and let you slide =].
Be a good friend. I want to just go home and wind down, too, most nights….but if I did that ALL the time, I’d be a hermit! Sometimes I have to make myself go to happy hours with my friends (i often plan them so i know i won’t flake!). Is it easier to go home? Sure. Is that what I feel like doing? Yup, usually! Am I always grateful I went once I sit down and get my martini? You betcha. My mood is WAY better and I feel so much more refreshed. Sometimes going home and crashing isn’t as helpful as a nice dinner out =]
I’m not the best one to judge I guess…I haven’t seen the hubs in 5 weeks so i place my girlfriend friendships way up there and always prioritize them. I never want them to feel like I don’t *need* them anymore b/c i’m married. I figure I have the rest of my life to be with my guy and I’ll enjoy time with my friends whenever I can and juggle it. If you start blowing them off now (or politely declining) at some point, they stop inviting you out.
Post # 5
IT sounds to me like you just need to relax – and hanging out with Fiance would be totally fine for that. But make sure your friend didn’t pay for you to join her yet – or I’d be sure to go to that for a bit and then bounce to your Fiance to relax in some sweats afterwards!
Post # 6
@EJS: Agree! Go with your friend! I feel like every month it’s harder and harder to get together with my friends. They’re always busy, cancelling, etc. I live with Fiance and I can always make time for him in the AM/at night/on weekends, etc.
Post # 7
Sometimes I find that relaxing at home is not AS relaxing as having dinner with my friends. It’s mentally relaxing in its own way I guess….
I just know how discouraging it is to invite friends out and hear “oh i’m tired…i have a headache…i want to see my Fiance….” etc.
Post # 8
Thanks guys, for bringing clarity to the situation – sometimes it helps to just get it all out there! It helped me realize that what I really want/need is to relax/unwind. The dinner is not just hanging with my friend – but it’s the event where all of her work friends will be at – so, I’ll need to be ‘on’ (which is why I think I was hesitant). That said, I realized that it WAS important to her that I be there and I agree with the sentiment that the times with friends are few and far between and I need to make the most of the opportunities together when then present themselves.
So, I decided to suck it up, be a good friend, and go… and then realized – I have no car!! My car died yesterday and is waiting on parts. So, I emailed my friend to tell her the situation. She may come and pick me up – and, if so, I’ll gladly join her… but, I think I’m off the hook (she hates to drive out of her way) and I can have a veg night! Plus, I think she got some other friends to go to the event, so it won’t be so bad that I’m not there.
I think it’s a win-win! 🙂
Thanks again, Bees!!
Post # 9
Sounds like it worked out! At least you tried =]. I’m the same way–sometimes what I *want* to do is hardly ever what I end up doing b/c I know it means so much to someone else to be there =]
Maybe meet her for brunch Saturday?? That’s still early enough that it doesn’t dampen any date plans with your Fiance =]
Post # 10
go with your friend! Fiance is fine with it, and it’s a slippery slope into never going out again.