Post # 1
I’ve been mulling over writing this post for a while now, and today there was the straw that broke the camels back.
People: you have a right to an opinion, but my gosh you do NOT have a right to be a rude jerk about it. When someone asks for advice, or an opinion, give them your two cents if you wish, but why do some people find it nessecary to be nasty, or toss in some snide remark? I’ve asked a few questions on this site, and while most responses are kind and helpful, there always seems to be at least one who finds that they have to throw something out there.
For example, a few days back, I asked people for advice regarding my dad walking me down the aisle, vs. both parents doing it. While most Bees were supportive, suggesting other ways to involve my mom, and confirming to me that it’s my day, and I should do what I want, not let my mom take over, I got one comment about how having your dad walk you down the aisle is old fashioned and makes you seem like property. I didn’t ask for that. I respect people’s opinions, but come on!?!? I was obviously asking about that, and therefore WANTED to be walked down the aisle by someone! Why the need to throw that snide comment out there? Then today I was on another post about parent/child dances, and a commenter gave advice, ending with “but I think parent/child dances are super creepy anyway”. Again, why throw that out there? The OP was obviously going to do the parent/child dance, they just wanted advice about it! If you think they’re creepy, fine…but maybe keep it to yourself? It’s hurtful.
TL;DR don’t be a jerk to other posters/put down their ideas. Being reasonable and helpful is one thing, but why be nasty?
Post # 2
I mean, no one is forcing you to use weddingbee if you think we’re a bunch of nasty jerks…
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Because its the internet and some people are rude, nasty or in my case extremely blunt at times. But I’m not the sensitive type to let what a total stranger says bother me. Especially not enough to think of it beyond that moment. If you ask for opinions be prepared for some snide responses that might not be absolutely necessary but some people type exactly whats on their minds. More important question is why are you letting complete strangers comments bother you so?
Post # 4
Also, I just looked through your old posts to see the offensive comments your mentioned- are you talking about the “Way To Involve Mom” thread? Because unless I missed something, no one said that your dad walking you down the aisle is old fashioned and makes you seem like property. One poster said she agrees with your mom that it seems unfair dads get the spotlight (father-daughter dance, walking down the aisle) just for being the dad, and another said that she was in kind of the same situation as you but personally felt the tradition was sexist (so not a value judgement on you, just giving her own perspective and then relating that to what she actually did). Was there another thread I’m missing?
Post # 5
thepurplegirl : I’ve noticed this too. I try to ignore it because I know some people just like to be unkind, but it does detract from the truly helpful responses that a lot of Bees give.
Post # 6
thepurplegirl : Wedding bee can get nasty at times (certain types of posts bring out the bullies), but I don’t have a problem with either of the examples you cited.
I found your own thread and the people who expressed that dad walking you was sexist, did it in a polite way, I thought. And I think the comment that parent-child dances can be creepy, is a way of saying, “You don’t have to do this at all, have you thought about that?”
ETA: If you see something jerkish, I think it’s far better to call it out then and there in the thread. That has the advantage of showing support to the person (maybe) being criticised or bullied.
Post # 7
thepurplegirl : people feel comfortable writing anything under the veil of anonymity that the internet provides. it’s why people are jerks online but it’s also why fora like this are able to offer such genuine feedback to people looking for it. in my experience weddingbee is wayyyyyyy nicer and gentler than any other online space. there are a few here who like to throw an inflamatory remark or feel superior from time to time, but for the most part i’ve gotten great advice from total strangers…which is kind of a feat in itself!
Post # 8
thepurplegirl : I feel I have gotten a few rude, condescending, or smart-ass comments once in awhile as well when I ask questions. And one specific person here comes to my mind. However, I’ve noticed her comments on other people’s questions are the same tone as well if not worse. So, I just finally realized that it’s not me. I have to say majority of the bees have been helpful & supportive. I think whether it’s work, family, school, friends, going to the store, etc., there’s always a few people who are that way. Plus as everyone have said, it’s much easier to do it in the internet where you do not have face to face confrontation. Have you seen the comments on YouTube? The fights there are so ridiculous and hilarious at the same time.
Post # 9
thepurplegirl : I completely agree, but I see it on Facebook in comment sections all the time too. I’m the type of person who doesn’t type things online I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
I think society (wrongly) feels that the Internet gives them free reign to “speak their mind” and some people take that for granted and use it as an excuse to be shitty.
Be nice to people. It is a very small step that can help make a person’s day.
Post # 10
This site is way way waaaaaayyyyy nicer than most other sites on the internet.
Post # 11
thepurplegirl : you ask for advice or opinions and that is what you get. Opinions are like assholes everyone has one and they all stink lol those “snide” remarks are part of that opinion/advice. So it comes with the territory. Like it or hate it, it is what it is. When you ask for opinions you have to be prepared to hear stuff you dont like, it’s just life. If you can’t deal with answers you don’t like or opinions you don’t agree with then don’t ask the question! One thing I love about the Bee is that people are honest. This is not a bakery, we don’t sugar coat shit… and this is why I love it, IRL people tend to be to PC these days, on the internet you get peoples real opinions.
Post # 12
If you don’t want opinions, just say you need confirmation or affirmation on your decision. Don’t ask for opinions and get upset when you get them.
Post # 14
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Post # 15
elsa0984 : as my Fiance would say… “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” At first him saying that made me wanna punch him in the face now I like it lol