(Closed) NWR: revealing stuff about dad, postmortem

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Honestly? I wouldn’t want to know. And personally have no desire to contact a drug dealer for any reason. Obviously he was doing things that he shouldn’t but I can’t see that anyone from your family actually talking to his dealer (or his bookie or whatever other unsavory person this may be) will make anything good happen. 

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m really sorry you’re going through all this.  I don’t know what finding out about that number would really answer… you’ve already found a crack pipe and know about gambling debt,  I think it is safe to assume it is something unsavory related to that and not something that really will change anything post mortem.  I’m sorry for your family and hope everything works out for your mom financially!

Post # 5
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this!  The loss of your Dad was enough to deal with without all of this.  I would be inclined to let it go (which I’m sure will be very hard, if even possible).  I feel like at this point having more information is just going to make things harder on everyone.  I am not the type of person to let things go and I always have to know everything, so I can imagine how difficult this is.  

Post # 7
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, this man is dead… does it matter what he did when he was alive. My dad died out of nowhere at the age of 46 two years ago and I never got to say good bye. Be thankful for the time you had with him and that you were able to say good bye. Dont focus on the negative… fo cus on the postive.

Let it go. try and remember him for the amazing man that he was.

Post # 8
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I can’t even imagine being in your position right now. I may let it go, I may not. If I HAD to call, I would try and call from a public phone. I wouldn’t call from my own phone, not even if I were to block it so it would come up unlisted on whoever may (or may not) answer.

Post # 9
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

My condolences for the pain you and your family have been through.

I would leave it alone– you’re probably right in your suspissions that it’s likely his dealer– there is no reason that information would be helpful or consoling to you or your mother in any way. 

If anything, you can contact your local police department and give them the information, and if they warrant it as something worth investigating, they will.  Beyond that, I would forget you ever found it. 

Post # 10
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I guess I wonder what type of outcome you’re hoping for.  Would finding out make anything better?

that number could open up a Pandora’s box – and some of the things could be dangerous to you and your family.  I’d let it be.

Post # 11
Member
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow, I have t o say sorry for everything you and your family are going through.  When it comes to the number I say leave it alone.  It sounds like it could be his drug dealer and that is one can of worms you do not want to open.  Especially if he still owes them money.  

Second, I think counseling is in order for you and your family.  You lost your father but you also have to deal with the aftermath of his lies, addictions, and abusive emtional behavior towards your mother.  

Again, I’m sorry for your loss and the discovery of his treachary.  His addictions were a disease like the cancer.  Unfortunately his lies and the stories he created have left a trail of hurt that is equal to your loss.  

Post # 12
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry to hear oyu are going through all of this. I recently learned my dad was an alcoholic (mostly sober now) and that was hard enough to handle, accept with him alive. I cannot imagine how you are dealing with all this new inforamtion. That being said, I don’t think you should try and contact this number. What could you possibly find that you would want to know? It could be someone he owes money to, it could be someone he got drugs from, another family, just a good friend or maybe a drinking buddy. But, I canät think of any situation that oyu could benefit from finding out who owns that number. Maybe talk to your mom and sisters, the others who know the truth and try and process the information together then move on. Nothing you can do now will change who your dad was, I would want to stop looking for rather than find more negative information on him if you had a good childhood and a good relationship with him growing up, try and cherish that without letting it get tainted.

Post # 14
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I really don’t think investigating this number will do any good. I certainly would want to know very badly, but I wouldn’t want to know because it would most likely only cause more anger.

Post # 15
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would not call that number just as others have said.  If it is his dealer or bookie and he owes him money (which is possible since he seemed to fritter away money), it will cause problems for you.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Post # 16
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is tough, I’m the kind of person I tend to want to know everything even if no good comes from it so I can see where your mom is coming from. I know what she SHOULD do which is just let it be but man that is so much easier said than done 🙁

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