Post # 1
i need some advice regarding something that’s been bothering me.
im in university atm, and i technically live with 5 other girls (and have for the last two years). they’re all good friends, routinely going out together on weekends, making/eating dinner together, partying together etc. I needed somewhere to live two years ago, and since they had an opening, i accepted. Because i was the ‘newbie’ with my own group of (separate) friends, i was never fully integrated into their group. things started going downhill, and more and more i felt like an outsider in my own apartment. it was magnified since i felt like it was them 5 on one side, and me on the other, so it was hard to speak up about things that bothered me (party on the night before my final? um, no.) becaue they would all side against me, as they were all good friends.
after 6 months of this, i moved out to live with my SO and his 5 very laid-back roommates. i still pay rent of course, as well as monthly utility bills (even though I obviously don’t contribute to internet usage, electricity usage, etc. i still felt obligated to do so – totally fine by me!)
heres the dilemma now though. in my last month before i unofficially moved out, the 5 girls were having a dinner/potluck with some of their friends. i was not told of this dinner party, nor was i invited. this doesn’t really offend me bc by this time, it was clear i had my group of friends, and they do their own thing. but during this dinner party (i was in my room doing homework), one of the invited guests put a hot tray down on the carpet, and it melted a tray-shaped indent into the carpet. upon moving out of the apt this may, we will have to pay to get the carpet replaced since we damanged it. the girls expect us to split the damage 6 ways, since all 6 of us are residents there, just like we split rent and utilities. BUT i dont think its fair i have to, since it was THEIR party that i had no part in, no invite in, etc. and as a college student, i’m always low on money! but i also feel weird speaking up about it, since i know all five will just side against me, then i’m out of luck. its just not fair, and i feel bitter about this.
what should i do??
Post # 3
Their party, their guests, they pay.
Are you on the lease? Technically whomever signed the lease is responsible.
Post # 4
Hmm, that’s a tricky situation.
Is there one of the roomates you are closer to that you’d be able to talk to about this? Maybe if you can get one or two girls on your side you can get out of it. I totally agree, you should not be obligated to pay.
I guess the other option is, that if they aren’t really your friends and you aren’t that close, what would be the consequences of just not paying for it? As long as your name isn’t on the lease, I don’t think you are technically responsible.
Post # 5
If you’re moved out, you don’t have to deal with them. So say “I’m not paying for something your guest did” and leave 🙂
Post # 6
Is that literally the ONLY damage that will be taken out of the deposit? It not, it’s going to be really difficult to convince them to break it down and pro-rate, I think, fair or not.
Personally I think the person who melted the carpet should be responsible to replace it (guest or not!), but I don’t know if everyone would see it that way. I know if I were to damage something in someone’s home, I would offer to pay for it.
Post # 7
thanks for the input everyone!
i AM on the lease – all six of us girls are on the lease. though i unofficially “moved out” of the apartment, my name is still on the lease and i still pay. when i say i moved out, i mean i just moved all my belongings to my SO’s apartment, and never go back to the apartment unless i need to pick up something. but i didn’t remove my name from the lease (i couldn’t do this fairly unless i found a subletter to take over my portion of the rent). i didn’t take my name off the lease or anything official like that.
that is the only damage that i know of that has happened to our apartment. there MIGHT have been some burn damage from some crazy party that happened this past weekend, something involving spilled flaming shots or something. but again, i “moved out” so i wasn’t a part of this party and i dont really know what goes on in that apartment anymore. but to my knowledge, this is the only damage to the apartment.
i can’t just say “screw them” because the apartment landlord will just equally take out damage costs from each of us 6 girls’ deposits, unless we tell them otherwise. and we cant tell them otherwise unless all of us agree.. and i don’t see them agreeing.
i could try the ‘pull one girl aside’ type deal, but their bonds are pretty strong. i can see that escalating into a ‘sugarcube told me this behind all your backs!” type deal. any ideas on how to articulate a convincing argument that i shouldnt have to pay bc it wasnt my friends, my party, and i wasnt even invited?? theyre under the idea that “its your apartment, it happened in your living room, we all split it equally” mindset.
as for the guest that DID the damage, he’s already gone and graduated, i think.. no chance of reeling him back to pay
Post # 8
Can you talk to the landlord, let him know that you aren’t actually living there anymore, and weren’t involved in the damage?
Post # 9
@ddw: i did do that, and she said since my name was on the lease, i am equally liable for the damage, unless i get something signed by all six of us that releases me from certain parts of the damage.
ugh. i’m so bitter and angry over this. i have no idea how much recarpeting a place even costs – if its a lot, i might go punch something (kidding)