(Closed) NWR: Should I say anything to my grandparents about their behavior?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry! It really is a horrible feeling to have things like that go on and it’s your own family.

I think you are more than welcome to speak your mind, but also keep in mind that older folks are often set in their ways and see life from a different set of perspectives as well as prerogatives. I’m in no way saying that people can’t change ( or that it’s right), but don’t be shocked should they be abrasive!

Do what you can to keep moving forward after this tragedy , and if you need to distance yourself from said family members, do so!

Post # 4
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@SouthernGirl: “My grandparents have never been the type of people to do anything out of kindness”

Sounds like this battle may not be worth fighting. I doubt anything you say will change how they act or feel, and they would probably just turn it against you. When you have people who’re this set in their ways, and they have each other to reinforce bad behavior, there’s not much that can be done. I’m very sorry you’re having family problems… Maybe just try to distance yourself from them, especially at a time that’s already difficult. 

Post # 5
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s obvious they have a nasty attitude that you obviously didn’t inherit from them. I would personally ignore them as much as possible, but prepare Fiance and anyone else it may affect that they are kind of crazy and to take them with a grain of salt. 

I had a crazy grandfather who passed away recently. Many, many gems left his mouth before he died. I have not told Fiance some of them because the words were spoken out of ignorance and meant nothing to me. 

People only have as much power over you as you give them, so I wouldn’t let them ruin your experience.

Post # 6
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

Yikes. They sound evil. Personally I wouldn’t address it with them. It would put your mother under a bad light and your don’t want to drag her into an argument. Also, you’d be wasting your breath….i know it’s terribly cliche’ but you really can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Just say this has given you more insight about how much you should avoid them and leave it at that. 

I WOULD however, consider not inviting them to the wedding.

Post # 7
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@SouthernGirl:  I have shockingly abrasive grandparents too. We recruited my uncle to babysit, with the understanding that if they acted up he was to take them home. Could you have a relative similarly do something, or are they still up for being invited, at his point.

Post # 10
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Ack!  I’m so sorry you’re going through this…especially at such a difficult time.

Personally, if I were going to confront them, I would start the conversation by saying that they looked very uncomfortable and unhappy at the wake.  I would ask what’s up with that.  As they haven’t said anything to you directly, you might want to see how they address those questions.  If they say stuff that’s offensive to you, I’d say how disapointed you are and that, all things considered, if they feel that way, they don’t need to worry about “lowering” themselves by coming to your wedding.  You’re baiting them, but at this point, all you have is heresay…perhaps give them a chance to hang themselves?

I’m not sure if I would confront them.  Given their behaviour and their prior behaviour, it’s pretty obvious that they are set in their ways and don’t care how they are preceived by other people.  I would just not seek out contact and I probably would think long and hard about inviting them to the wedding.  If they say anything about the wedding, I would just say that given the comments and the impression they have given you, they are not happy for you.  Thus, you won’t inconveinence them by inviting them to an event that they so clearly have no interest in celebrating.

If you do invite them, remember that their behaviour reflects on them, not you.  Your FI’s family has a pretty clear heads up about their feelings now…so you shouldn’t have explain anythying.  They will look like the ill-bred low-lifes…not you and certainly not your Fiance.

Post # 11
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I just wouldn’t invite them to the wedding. If they ask why, tell them you wouldn’t want them to have to socialize with people they feel are “beneath” them. 

The way I am, I would say something to them. I’m not one to let that sort of thing go. Even if it’s not to try and sway them to a better way of thinking, I wouldn’t be able to keep quiet about that. But it’s up to you. If you’re sick of their crap, say something to them. You’d be perfectly justified, and you’re absolutely justified in how you feel about it.

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