Post # 1
Darling Husband and I have a ‘friend’ (i’ll call him M) whose mom passed away this past Sunday. It was very unexpected. M isn’t a super close friend of ours. He hangs out with the same group of people we do, so we see him probably around once a month. My Darling Husband has his phone number and occasionally (very rarely actually) they text each other about sports things, but otherwise we don’t really talk with him unless the whole group just happens to be hanging out. He’s not the type of friend who we hang out with outside the group though (nothing personal, we just haven’t developed that type of bond, i guess)
Anyway when I heard his mother passed, my initial thought would be we’d go to the funeral-for support. Darling Husband said he doesn’t think it’s right… he thinks M should mourn with his close friends and family. We know a bunch of people who are going, but they all knew his mom personally and they have a closer friendship with M. I think Darling Husband is worried we’ll look like we’re just there because all our friends are there. Which isn’t the case, but I can see where he’s coming from..
I’m not sure what’s ‘appropriate’ in this situation. Would you go to the funeral of someone’s mom who is more than just an acquaintance but not a super close friend? I want to show my support and go, but I dont want to make him uncomfortable by being there
Sorry if this seems weird. My Darling Husband and I haven’t been to many funerals so I’m not sure… Thanks everyone
Post # 3
Go. Having been on the receiving end quite a few times any and all support is appreciated. If they did not want it they would have had a private service.
Sometimes you go to support those left behind as much as those that have left.
Post # 4
You could always send flowers to the church in support if you feel that it might not be right to attend.
Post # 5
I’m kinda with your Darling Husband on this one. I think it would be more thoughtful to send flowers and a nice card expressing your smypathy rather than going to the funeral itself. I think funerals are really overwhelming, especially when they are for your parents, so I think you would actually be doing him a favour by giving him the extra space.
Post # 6
Is there a viewing separate from the actual mass/memorial? If so, I would just attend that and bring a sympathy card along with you.
Post # 7
Definitly go. In this sort of situation any support is appreciated. No one will think it’s weird or judge you. I would go even if it was an acquintance. Trust me, he’s thinking about other more important things than trying to figure out why you’re there.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t go to the actualy funeral. Is there a viewing? You can always go to that to show support.
Post # 9
I think you should go. Funerals are sad and losing a parent is really difficult…I think it would probably mean a lot to your friend if he saw that you were both there to support him…even if you’re not that close. I don’t think anyone will think that y’all are there just because all your other friends are, and I really do think that this person will appreciate that you took time out of your schedule to show your support.
Post # 10
Definitely go. When my Grandmother passed away a few years ago just before Thanksgiving, my parents pastor (of a huge church) and another couple in the church came to the funeral in support of my parents and they had never met my Grandmother. I think they showed up just in time for the funeral and skipped the viewing part. I thought it was so needed and I am forever grateful to them for taking time out around the holidays to go.
Post # 11
I would go to the viewing, but not the actual funeral/burial. I know that I will always remember which friends were there for me when my G-ma passed 11 years ago!
Post # 12
Go to the wake, that’s exactly what they are for. I know I would have appriciated the extra support at my grandma’s wake.
Post # 13
To the viewing or the Funeral itself? I would say if it’s going to the viewing, I would go that’s no big deal. The funerals I usualy think of mostly family and very close friends.
Post # 14
I would go to the viewing to show your support.
Post # 15
I would go to the veiwing (if there is one) but not to the funeral.
Post # 16
Definitly go if you can. I am still touched by how many random friends of my family came to my father’s memorial 10 years ago. Losing a parent is so horrible and I’m sure he’ll appreciate any extra support!