- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I am in hopes that you bees could give me some advice. Long story ahead …
After dating my SO for 7 years, we have recently become engaged *does happy dance*… However, some things have surfaced by own discovery that I have confronted my fiancee about regarding some choices he’s made financially and some possible legal repercussions.
We are in our mid-20s, and when my fiancee was younger he immigrated from South America to the US when he was young for better opportuntieis with his family. His mother would use a fake SSN to work until she was granted US citizenship. Recently, I discovered that his mother and father have been using my fiancee’s SSN to be able to get extra hours at one of the several jobs they have (w my fiancees permission).
This has been happening for several years and I had found about this recently. I confronted my fiancee about it, because it may or may not affect us when we begin our new lives together and i would like us to begin fresh in this next stage of our lives. When I tried to discuss it with him, he became upset and told me that if he has to tell his parents they can’t use his SSN to work the extra hours so they can afford to pay the mortgage and make ends meet, that I need to be in the room when he does it so they can explain it to me. I am worried because I don’t like the lying aspect of my fiancee showing that he is making more income than he actually does and that this will affect us down the road in our lives. I tried to explain to him that I can honestly understand him wanting to help his parents but that he needed to consider us being a unit amd separating ourselves financially from our families. He mistook it as me giving him an ultimatum to choose between me or his family. He also became panicked when I tried to suggest possibly seeking out some financial/legal advice for fear that his family would be exposed for the whole SSN aspect
His sister is currently suffering from schizophrenia which renders her to stay almost catatonic for long periods of time which his mother and father have to spend hours watching her since she cant function alone. I understand that his family has a lot on their plates. With this illness in mind, I also found out that my fiancee cosigned her loans and since she is no longer enrolled in university, the loan companies are requesting payments. When I asked him if they were getting the money from him, he advised me that his mother is making the payments, and that could very well be true.
I guess my concern is if this issue of his parents using his SSN and showing that he cosigned a loan for his sister would affect us in our married life. If it is a bomb, I would like to find resources or seek advice as how to handle this situation and also approach this. I don’t want to feel as though I am coming off as a nosy body being that this is a situation that I shouldn’t be in, but I feel that this really may affect us down the line.
Any advice would be appreciated ladies, thank you again. Sorry about the long story.