Okay, so much feedback adn so many super good ideas!!
I have read every comment and it means a lot to me to hear everyone being so helpful and understanding. I think I was feeling like maybe I was a jerk with some control issues OR maybe the issues are real and serious. Now I can kinda see it’s somewhere in between.
Just to clear up some things, because a lot have commented on this:
I do cook “extra” for them because there is so little variety in their diets, I do not want to eat what they are eating and the rest of us are vegetarians and like fresh food, lol. I am usually very firmly of the camp “cook one meal, try to be flexible so it appeals to most and then folks who don’t like it /are too picky will have to find a way” but these kids have broken even my strong sense of right and wrong and consistency. But the bigger issue is: they aren’t my kids and I am not willing to enforce eating rules my partner won’t back me up on. We are very much not on the same page with this and so it is what it is.
We did a family vacation and did 5 days of “eating whats there” and basically they didn’t eat any meals and had non-stop jelly and nutella rolls morning and evening because I wouldn’t make everyone eat noodles every single main meal. I had two choices: either no more nutella and jam and starve them into finding at least something they could eat at meal times or go out and buy some ridiculous meat products. Well, without support from my partner, it was buying some meat. And I am not gonna lie, I was glad to see them eat something other then nutella after 3 days of that insanity. Even if it was shitty meat. Without their dad behind, there’s really nothing I can do.
corgimommy : I don’t coerce the nutella breads with the kids. They make “deals” with their dad about “eat that, then you can have this” and I think it’s a shit show. Obviously, totally bad news as you can imagine.
I will look into that division of responsibilty link, thanks so much!!!
BalletParker : Yeah. We have had the health conversations. More than once. I have sent him studies about the effects of large amounts of low quality meat effects child development, and later fertility and even cancer. I have sent him information about how high sugar diets can lead to diabetes in early adulthood, even in not overweight childhood. A friend of ours’ non fat young adult son was just diagnosed. We talked about what lead to this (it was high sugar intake over years, with normal sedentary lifestyle. meaning, the guy was thin, didn’t do sports but consumed a lot of sugars. He was diagnosed at 21) That seemed to shock him for a few days, but then it wore off. Non of this is working, so yeah, you can imagine how frustrated I am.
beethree : basically everything you say. I personally have absolutely NO need for any of that stuff. But guess who does. Dad likes the sweets. And dad eats the sweets totally moderately. The rest of his crew, not so much. 😉
The bunny is already from some sort of Easter thing they bought at the supermarket. I know, right?!?
lovelyruby : yes, he is a vegetarian because he doesn’t eat animals. (since he was a child) I am a vegetarian because I do not approve of the meat industry. So it’s a emotional/political decision. It feels really shitty to feel strongly this way and then buy the absolute crappiest meat ever for small children to eat.
RobbieAndJuliahaha I totally think that it is a mixture of laid back parenting, wanting to be “fun dad” because they aren’t always there (but in my opinion too much there to have such horrible diets. Especially since I don’t know what else they eat) and not wanting any conflict with the kids. but certainly there is a huge amount of what teamroro talked about: he was an extreme picky eater as a child himslef. Like, doctors visits picky eater. And he absolutely hated everyone trying to force him to eat things he didn’t like, or tricking him into eating these things. I think he feels very strongly if they don’t like it, they shouldn’t have to eat it. Which I get! I really do. I think his youngest also has some sensory stuff, and I know this exists. Some food textures just really made her wierd out, and you can just tell she isnot liking it even if she likes the taste. But thats gotten better. He is still a picky eater, though much more varied then as a child. Still, so many things he will never ever try and never ever eat.
But what I think he gets wrong is (and I can imagine both parents do this) is that when the kids don’t like soemthing or don’t want to eat it, it never ever shows up again. They never offer it. They don’t get offered any variety. Even if I suggest getting another brand of something they like he’s says there is no point in buying it, they won’t eat it. And at this point he’s right: they won’t. Because they get offered crap to eat instead and the next time the “right” stuff is there.
I can remember making dishes with zuchini for my kids. They didn’t like zuchini. Fair enough, they took out all of the zuchini for years. But I still made it. And I still said each time: try it. They didn’t have to and usually they didn’t. But they did have to work to avoid it. And when they got older and more open for it, they did try it. Same with so many things (like freshly chopped herbs on things like pasta and soup. Vitamin bomb right there) They asked, me why I did it when they didn’t like and I said “eat around it” and that was the end of the discussion. They weren’t forced but it was still a thing, an option, and a pretty in your face option at that. And it paid off later because they are totally open to lots of interesting food experiences.
With these guys, nothing gets offered if they didn’t like it once when they were 2 years old and they tried it then. And everything is extra for them. There is usually only food they know and like on the table full stop. How can they ever learn how lovely fresh steamed corn can be or even something as simple as rice if they never see it again until they are adults?
OMG this has turned into a novel! Sorry!