(Closed) NWR: Strange Facebook Friend Request From Ex's Wife

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
508 posts
Busy bee

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@MrsMaverick13:  I dunno. But if you have no reason to think her malicious in some way, why not just ask her via a private message on FB? Something along the lines of, “Hi there! Got your friend request. I am so happy that – while we have never met – you & Chris have built what I assume is a wonderful life together. We haven’t talked in X years, so I hope you are both doing well.” Toss the ball in her court, but if her response takes a turn anywhere in the vicinity of Dramatown, kindly recalculate your FB GPS and bow out. This way you satisfy your own curiosity without actually accepting the request. Maybe her intentions are harmless … Maybe they want to hang out with other normal couples and he holds you in high regard but wanted his wife to establish comfort first … who knows, until you ask. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
965 posts
Busy bee

@MrsMaverick13:  anytime. I hate it when people keep in touch with their exes. Unless they dated in middle school or earlier then That’s one thing but exes during your high school years and later personally shouldn’t be keeping in touch Unless their are children involved. Well hell when I start to get serious with somebody I will not let him talked to any exes unless their are children involved. 

Post # 21
7426 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

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@MrsMaverick13:  Maybe she was FB stalking your page and accidentally friend requested you. I’ve almost done this when looking at FB on my phone!

Post # 22
1001 posts
Bumble bee

This is why I don’t have a FB account!  It’s way too complicated, the way people can just contact you out of nowhere and be like, “We’re friends now.”

I have my ex-BF in my phone still.  He’s listed as “EX – DO NOT ANSWER,” with a big red X for his contact photo, and my partner knows he’s in there.  It’s because he’s not over me, and he still tries to contact me on a fairly regular basis.  Keeping him in my phone was the best way to screen his phone calls/know when he was starting another round of “I want to get back in touch/see if you’ve come around.”  He wasn’t a bad guy or anything, but he just won’t accept, “No, I am not interested in continuing a relationship with you.  Please stop.”

I’m also still friends with a (female) ex from highschool, who is now married to one of my other female friends.  Ironically, my partner is fine with my female ex but hates her wife.

Other than that, I don’t have contact/contact info for any exes.

Post # 23
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@MrsMaverick13:  Well I’m glad you were able to sort things out. I had a Facebook friend request from an ex’s wife once. I *shock/horror* keep in touch with a number of my exes – yes, even those I dated during and after my high school years. And no children are involved lol.

This particular ex was someone I dated for a year and a half, and “engaged” to. We were fortunately able to maintain a friendship after we broke up. We had basically grown up together as we had lived across the street from each other and we felt it would be stupid to throw all our history just because we didn’t work out as a couple. Anyway, I live in NZ and he lives in the Philippines and I use FB to keep in touch with all my friends and family there. We’re friends on it and one day, I got a request from his wife who I’ve never had the chance to meet. Not sure why she felt the need to add me but I just accepted the request. I categorize my FB friends based on how close I am to them – and thus how much of my profile and posts they can see – and she got put in the group with the least access. Several months later, I think she saw that there was nothing to be worried about and I just deleted it and no further requests since.

Post # 25
729 posts
Busy bee

You and many of the responders are waaaay overthinking things, in my opinion. 

Why would you jump to the conclusion that your exes’ wives/girlfriends would be jealous or insecure over any of this? You don’t even talk to these guys on FB, never mind in real life, and clearly you have all moved on. I understand that you’re just trying to be respectful but it seems over the top to me. I also don’t understand the posters who are saying she’s “keeping her enemies closer.” That’s far-fetched. She probably either thinks she knows you from somewhere else or she thinks she might have something in common with you. 

This reminds me of how the girl that my boyfriend casually dated right before me deleted both of us from her facebook. We never hung out with her so I figured she just cleaned up her friends list or maybe my boyfriend’s constant links ot political sites annoyed her. A few years later we ended up running into her and hanging out at a few functions and such, and she told me she deleted a bunch of people “out of respect for girlfriends.” That caught me a little off guard because I was never threatened by her FB account, lol, but she obviously assumed I was. For no reason. 


Post # 27
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think she just wants to poke around your profile. I would not add her, as you have no obligation to let her into your life. Even though it doesn’t hurt anything to let her see all your pictures, it’s strange. She and your ex/her husband will be sitting there going through your pictures, maybe even talking trash. I have tons of (okay, like 5) friend requests that I don’t want to say yes to, but don’t want to make it a thing so they just sit there. And that’s okay with me! One I denied and they rerequested…so that was weird. Another that I hadn’t talked to in years PMed me asking why I unfriended them and called me rude.

The only outright denial I remember was when an ex tried to friend me when he first got a Facebook after we’d broken up. It was NOT on good terms and I (almost gleefully) hit “reject request”!

Post # 28
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That’s what the ‘ignore’ button is for!

Post # 29
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MariContrary:  +1, either that or she wants to make sure she’s ‘keeping up with the Jones”, so to speak. people are odd. i’d ignore it.

Post # 30
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah- I really think you just ignore that request.

Post # 31
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

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@lampshade:  +1000. OP-I think you are assuming everyone is the jealous type. This girl may just be trying to be friendly considering you were once a major part of his life. Hop off your high horse. 

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