Post # 1
Im getting married June 14th. Im graduating from graduate school May 18th. My mom and Fi are having a small party for me at a local resturant. One family member mentioned it being a nuisance and that I am appearing gift grabby. We didnt send out invitations or anything because truly its just an informal dinner to celebrate my graduation. Only those we consider immediate family were invited by word of mouth (grandparents, only close aunts/uncles, and parents). When I planned it, it never crossed my mind that it would appear tacky or gift grabby. The people who are invited, know me well enough to know Im not gift grabby but I would hate to be nuisance. Should I sent out invites just so I can write a little something about no gifts? Or should I cancel it? I really wanted to celebrate, but if it does appear in any way shape or form tacky, Ill cancel it
Post # 2
My opinion is that graduating is a big deal. You should be allowed to celebrate with your immediate family. I graduated last may, and was pregnant, but I still wanted to go out to dinner with my and my DH’s family to celebrate. Those who are invited should be told to just go and eat and celebrate. I personally don’t see a need for invitations. I talked to my family about it all on email, so they all knew what was happening.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I don’t see anything wrong with celebrating your accomplishment even though it’s a month before the wedding. Personally if anybody complained about it being gift grabby I would politely respond that I wouldn’t be upset if they wanted to wait to congratulate me at my wedding instead. It’s not like you invited them to the graduation party and followed it up with reminding them to bring a gift. Your graduation deserves to be celebrated as well so go forward without worry about appearing gift grabby because you’re not.
Post # 4
Congrats! I’m graduating May 18th, wedding June 7th. My mom specifically said “darn, we can’t have a graduation party now since the wedding is so soon after” and I totally agree. It does appear gift grabby. Two events that close is too much. Just go out with your parents and FI to celebrate. I would not send out invites.
Post # 5
I don’t think it looks gift grabby, its a celebration and deserves to be celebrated! I agree to keep it casual and no formal invites and if you want say something like “gifts are not needed” but to be honest I wouldn’t say anything and let people bring a little something if they feel like it and if not, no big deal.
Post # 6
Graduate school is no joke!! Although if you were having a big party I’d be like, yeah, maybe that’s too much. But dinner with close family and friends? No harm there! If someone doesn’t like it, they can stay home! Congratulations on both your graduation and wedding!
Post # 7
SparkleBee11: I’m in the same boat. I’ll be graduating May 3rd and getting married June 28th. I don’t think I’ll be having a grad party. I am going to walk at the commencement and invite my closest family and friends to come. I’m going to assume someone will make plans for us to go out to dinner, but I’m not going to plan anything. I feel bad, because I know people will want to give me a gift, and I really don’t want them to with the wedding coming up. But I can’t just say “no gifts”.
ETA: I’ll also be graduating from graduate school. I’m the first in my family, FI’s family, and in my close social circle to do this, so it’s a pretty big deal. But like I said, I just feel really bad.
FI told me “You’re allowed to celebrate yourself. It’s a huge accomplishment and you deserve it”
Post # 8
MichiganGirl24: I wasnt going to plan something but FI convinced me too. At my high school and undergraduate graduations, I was very detached. In high school I felt it was not a huge deal, everyone graduates high school. At my undergraduate graduation I was miserable because I hadnt gotten into graduate school yet, which meant that the 4 years of work I was supposed to be celebrating was for nothing.. This graduation definitely feels like i “earned” it
:: Exactly :: im in the first in my family to ever get a masters (and within my very immediate family, I am the only one with a bachelors). I think its valid to celebrate it. I worked my butt off for this! Much more work went into graduating than into wedding planning.
MrsN14: Thats exactly what this family memeber said and feels. While I understand it is very close to the wedding. I dont see the harm in asking people to go out to dinner (which is FREE for them) all they have to do is show up 🙂 Its local for everyone.
Post # 9
We had the same issue- my husband and I were both graduating, moving across the country, and getting married within two months. We ended up having a very informal “going away” pizza party after graduating and only a few people brought us a bottle of wine or card. We figured it was less gift-inviting than a graduation party. We also didn’t invite many people who were coming to the wedding. I don’t really think it’s gift grabby, but I can see how some people might.
Post # 10
SparkleBee11: The person who said that is a grouch. Ignore, and proceed with party.
Post # 11
You aren’t having tons and tons of people over in a gift expected sort of way. You are going out to eat to celebrate! Totally different to me! If you are worried you can even tell the grad party people not to ring gifts!
Post # 12
Why the HELL is it gift grabby? And then what’s the limit on that? If you’re having a wedding, don’t have a shower a month before- it’s gift grabby! Oh, and GOD FORBID someone has a baby and is then married just a few months later- or vice versa. That is so gift grabby! How dare you have two major life events so close to each other?
Ignore the naysayers. Have your dinner party. You’re allowed to celebrate your graduation, regardless of whether it’s a month before your wedding or a year before your wedding.
Post # 13
Grad school is definitely something to celebrate! That being said, I told my mom I didn’t want a party. I had one for high school and undergrad, but I felt that a grad school party would be overkill, what with the wedding events that will be coming up (we’re getting married next April), and that she already threw us an engagement party.
I did give her the okay to send out an email to family/family friends to let them know they are welcome to join us for the graduation ceremony and out for drinks after. (I don’t have a guest limit, so why not). I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and host a party, but casual drinks after the cermony are okay in my book.
I would just contact people via phone or email, but don’t send out an official invitation.
Post # 14
Two different parties, two different events, two different reasons for those events. Have your party, you should be able to celebrate it! Other life events shouldn’t be put on hold just because a wedding is in the works.
Your guests can choose to come or choose not to come, but they shouldn’t be griping to you about it beforehand (or even afterwards). I think that is totally rude on the part of your family member.
Post # 15
Apple_Blossom: 🙂 your response made me smile!! This one family member has made me have doubts about a few things. Thank you so much for putting in a real world perspective. Sometimes a lot of life events happen at once.