- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I need advice.
I never thought that I would end up like this. I was always the bright, honor student that all of the teachers adored. Everything came so easy to me, always. I was creative, smart, likeable, happy, ambitious. I went into college excited, happy, outgoing and ready to conquer the world. Four years later, I came out an angry, depressed, empty shell of a girl. That’s what lack of direction, an abusive long term boyfriend, and a bitchy sorority that rejected me did to me. And at such a young age, it all left a long lasting impression on me- molded me into a different person that has affected me in the post college years. In some ways, I feel that I am still healing.
For various reasons, including depression resulting from emotional abuse, impractical degree which made it almost impossible to find a job, poor financial choices, etc. I am still living at home at age 27. After college, I was so “damaged” from my college experience and “worthless” degree that I moved back home and suffered from depression and anxiety as I desperately searched for a job but didn’t believe in myself enough to actually think anyone would ever want to hire me. So I had a part time job and got by. Eventually, I got a full time job but am still paying, or trying to catch up for my past financial mistakes.
So basically, I mourn for the girl that I could have been, the one that was rejected and lost during my college years. College was supposed to be an eye opening experience where I’d meet my future bridesmaids. Instead, it was lonely, cruel, sad. You wouldn’t even believe the things people did to me or said to me. I mourn for all of the experiences that I lost post-college in the city. While everyone else was out experiencing life in the city, I was still at home in the suburbs writhing with anxiety in my bed, crying my eyes out.
So here I am. 4.5 years later. Still at home. And in approximately 7 months I have to move out of state for my SO’s job to a small city far from here.
All I have ever wanted was to experience living on my own. It’s so sad, but I have dishes, a wine rack, other home items I’ve collected for my first real place sitting wrapped up in my closet. I always told SO that I won’t be ready to get married until I live on my own…. but here I am, still at home with the parents and getting married…
So I need some advice. I don’t know how I would be able to afford rent… I mean, I think I can do it but I would struggle each month. I’m sure I can cut back in several areas, but I’m scared that I can’t handle it. Should I move out? Or, should I stay home because I’m moving out of state in a few months?
Basically, should I just forget my dreams of living on my own in the city and stay home and focus on the wedding? Or, should I take a big leap, move out and experience the city for the last few months of my 20’s before the big move and marriage?