- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’m feeling really really low after what happened to me yesterday and I know this probably isn’t the best place to be discussing this but everyone has always been so supportive in the past and I need to talk to someone or I may just cry all day.
I went for a job interview yesterday at one of the top-ranking schools in the state (I’m about to graduate from my fourth year of University to become a teacher, can’t even believe I got an interview there). I was waiting in the reception area when a lady, I’ll call her J, came over to take me to the interview room. We had a nice chat on the way over there and she seemed lovely. She took me in to another office waiting area and told me to have a seat and she would let my interviewers know I was waiting. After she had done this she went into an office next to the interview room and I could clearly see her reflection in the window of the office but she couldn’t see me. She then proceeded to talk about me to the lady working in the office there and, although I couldn’t hear her, it was very clear what she was saying by her hand gestures. First of all she talked about the hole in my nose which is actually a scar from when I was a teenager and had my nose pierced. Then she talked about what I was wearing. And then she talked about how fat I was (she did one of those things when people hold their arms out at their sides to describe how fat a person is).
At the time I just thought, well at least I know I won’t be getting this job but now I’m feeling so depressed about it. My weight is something I’ve struggled with my whole life and I’m on and off diets all the time trying to find the right one. I also have PCOS so loosing even small amounts of weight is a real battle. I’m at the point where I just feel like I’m never going to lose weight so why even bother trying (I’d have to loose about 80kgs to be in a healthy weight range). I try to be a good person’. I have an excellent GPA and I work extremely hard. I’m depressed to the point of thinking, well I can’t lose weight and clearly no one can see past it because I am such a gigantic whale that what is the point of living. I’m sure this feeling will pass but my self esteem is at an all time low (and has been for quite a while now) and I can’t see anyway out.
I am sure a lot of you are thinking well why don’t you just do something about it and please believe me when I say I really have tried so many times to loose this weight so please don’t bother with your nasty comments.