(Closed) NWR… Vent about Brother

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

vent away and good on you for being strong (not selfish) and not giving your brother another excuse to let other people clean up his mess, hes sense of entitlement is borish and immature.

goodluck because im sure its not going to be easy for you

Post # 4
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

((HUGS)) my heart goes out to you. i have a quasi-similar situation. i have a half-sister that feels very entitled and other family enable her. shes always getting evicted, getting in trouble, lying, stealing…

In the end, I had to realize that I was part of the problem. I would loan her money, let her crash at my house, etc. I know its hard, but the only way he is going to grown up is to face the hard, cold reality of real life. only when he realizes that he can depend on no one but himself will he learn to truely be self sufficient.

stop responding to his texts.  if he keeps calling, turn off your phone so you arent tempted to answer.  i know its hard, but he is 28 with a child.  he has to learn to take care of himself.  not helping him will initially make him even more bitter and angry, but by continuing to help him, you are really cripling him.

hope it works out!!

Post # 6
226 posts
Helper bee

There is nothing wrong with trying to take care of your mental and emotional health. I for one do not think that you are being selfish at all. You really can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves. I have a few family members who (despite all attempts to help them become self-sufficient, productive human beings) willfully destroy anything and anyone in their path even if they’re trying to help them. Yes, it’s hard when it’s family, but you’ve done your best to help and advise materially and emotionally. You are under no obligation to allow anyone to wreak havoc on your life–related or not.

Post # 7
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Good for you, you are doing the right thing. Hang in there, hopefully your brother will realize and get his own help

Post # 8
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry you are in the situation.  I agree that you or your mom shouldn’t let him stay with you because that doesn’t get him to grow up and realize that just because you live in America, it doesn’t mean you can have everything you want without doing any work.

Post # 9
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You’re absolutely doing the right thing.  That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but hopefully that knowledge will give you the strength to continue to resist your brother’s demands.  The only way your brother will mature and grow is if everyone cuts him off and he learns that he can’t mooch through life like his classmates.  You are giving your brother the greatest gift in the world if you can help him gain independence.   

Post # 10
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Eventually he is going to have to grow up, and it sounds like now is the time. Don’t bail him out, whatever you do, because he needs to get it together.

Post # 11
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sounds like he needs a wake up call about what it’s really like to be an adult with adult responsibilities. Maybe now that he’s hit bottom and is homeless, he will realize the importance of keeping a job. I commend you for doing what you’re doing. It must be hard but ultimately I think it’s best for him. No more bailouts. He needs to get his own s**t together this time.

Post # 13
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… wait, where is he moving his stuff to? And to where does he need a ride?

Post # 16
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Good for you for being so strong, I’m sure it isn’t easy for you (or your mom). Keep it up, because your brother has to grow up and stop fishing for handouts and pity from everyone else! Good luck! 🙂

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