- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: March 2015 - Los Angeles, CA
**Not Spam!! Not sure why every post I make gets marked as spam?!
Not Wedding Related, but need some advice regarding a friends situation.
I have two friends who are rommamtes, let’s call my best friend Jenna, and her roommate Tammy. I met Tammy through Jenna earlier this year at a friends party and we got along well, so we started texting and hanging out with both Jenna and Tammy when I was in town. A couple of months ago, Jenna and Tammy had a fall out because Jenna though Tammy was being a “parental” figure. Always asking where she was, if she was ok (if she wasn’t home wsuper late at night, ect.) and this annoyed Jenna, which I understand. Long story short, that got resolved but it was never the same. But Tammy and I kept texting because I felt like a friendship had arisen. Usually never about Jenna, other than what they would do together like go out to bars, ect.
This is where the problems begins. Tammy texted me yesterday asking if I knew what was going on with Jenna because she was drinking up to two bottles of vodka a week on her own, and she was worried that something seriously was going on with her. Now, this has happened in the past, where she was dealing with something and would turn to alcohol to cope with her problems. A friend of ours had tried to help her, but Jenna got all mad and told everyone to stay out of her business (this was like 6 years ago). Jenna later told me (a couple of years later) why she had gone through that phase.
After speaking with Tammy, I told her I would check in with Jenna. I sent her a text (with Tammy being ok with this) “Hey girl. Just wanted to check in to see if everything is alright. Tammy mentioned that she has noticed you going through a bottle of vodka a week. I assume there is someting going on and I just wanted to let you know that I’m always here for you if you need to vent, just like you have been there for me. I’m not trying to get all up in your business or anything, but just want to let you know that you don’t have to go through anything on your own. You know I love you like my sister and this is coming from a good place”. I’m not sure why I expected this to go any differently, but she texted me back saying that she now has another person to judge her on what she does on her free time, and for me to stay out of her business. She also mentioned that it was unnerving that I would talk to Tammy about this, and that she feels betrayed by me!!!
I started apologizing and telling her that I wasn’t going to Tammy for information on her or anything, but that she had mentioned it and I got a little worried. She just responded to not apologize and that she’s sure I meant well. No response after that. Tammy told me she just stayed locked in her room all night (as she has for the past couple of weeks).
I feel really bad for even texting her in the first place about this, but would have felt worse if something happened to her and I didn’t say anything. Was I in the wrong to bring this up? Maybe not use Tammy’s name? Jenna doesn’t really open up to anyone about her problems, but she always wants to be there for everyone else. I’m planning on just giving her some space. But not sure when/if I should reach out again?