Post # 1
My Fiance has been with the same company for 6+ years now. We live in Baltimore and the company is in Long Beach, CA. My Fiance works from home and it allows him a lot of freedom with his hours which he loves. He definitely gets lonely though and misses not having regular human interaction everyday.
Last week we got word that a director-level position at his company opened up and Fiance is the first choice to fill the position. They are being REALLY generous: $40,000 a year raise, paying for all of our moving expenses, and will set us up in the corporate apartment until we can find a house. On top of all that, I still have another year of school and they are willing to let him continue working from home until I graduate.
Sounds great in theory. However, my whole life is in Baltimore. My friends and my family are all here. I won’t know anyone there.
My main concern is that we are going to try to start TTC very shortly after the wedding. I cannot fathom going through a pregnancy, birth, first several years of motherhood, without my own mother there to guide and support me. Not to mention she was going to be our childcare provider which she was SUPER excited about. I don’t want to raise my child without a ton of family around.
My Fiance says there is no pressure. If I really do not want to go, we won’t go. I feel terrible though. This is an amazing opportunity for him (not to mention a lot of money). I don’t want to hold him back from something that will further his career and make him happy. At the same time, I don’t want to move somewhere where I will be unhappy.
What would you do? Would you follow your husband? Would you stay to be close to family?
Post # 3
While I can totally agree with you wanting to be near family when you have kids (DH and I just moved back to Atlanta for this reason), I think you should really look in to this opportunity.
It sounds like it would be a great move for him career-wise and could really benefit him down the line. Maybe move and let him get a few years of director-level experience under his belt and then you both can start looking for opportunities to move back to Baltimore. Having the experience this position will give him may open up doors in Baltimore to jobs he couldn’t get currently.
Post # 4
Wow…I would personally follow my husband…I understand that the majority of your family is in Baltimore, but your husband and yourself are now a family unit therefore you will not be alone…..moving so far away can be a little scarey….okay alot scarey….but think of it this way you will be in California, meaning your family and friends will definitely want to come out to visit you….and believe me Long Beach has a lot to offer and it’s about 20 minutes outside of of Los Angeles, you are by the beach and there are some great places to eat, shop, cafes, and just all around great places to get to know and love…..Good luck on which ever way you decide to go….it’s a hard decision either way.
Post # 5
I think it’s a matter of priorities and preferences. If your family/familiarity with things around you is more important to you than money/travel/adventure, then staying home would be a good thing. It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to stay, especially with potential babies and wanting to be close to your family.
How does he feel about it, though? Will he feel limited? Where does his family live? What would he be giving up?
Honestly, we might be moving to California, too… my husband just joined the Marines and we’ll find out where he’s getting stationed in June. My whole life is here; friends, family, school. But for me, it’s a bit different; I can’t do anything to keep him here with me, so my options are move somewhere that I know NO ONE but him, or stay here without my new husband. I decided it’s not worth it to not get to see him, so wherever he ends up stationed I’m following. I am TERRIFIED, but each day I’m seeing it as more of an adventure. (We’re also not TTC ANY time soon, so thats different as well).
Post # 6
California is awesome. Just sayin’. 🙂
Personally, I would go. You will make new friends, especially if you join new mothers groups. And it’s an adventure – who doesn’t love that? (Lots of people, I know.)
Honestly, it sounds like an amazing opportunity. I’d go for it!
Post # 7
honestly, I would follow my husband…. “Home is wherever I’m with you” has always been a favorite lyric of mine.
@rubyred605: Agreed, California is awesome
It’s a great opportunity for his career and something you may regret not doing in the future if you don’t.
Post # 8
I just moved to London a week after the wedding for my husband’s job.
My family is all in CA, his family is all in NY.
At first it was really hard and while I still haven’t found a job, I joined a horseback riding group and have met a lot of great women through that and I’m starting to put down roots here.
It’s not easy, but it was a fantastic opportunity for my Darling Husband and for us.
The way we looked at it when making the decision was that we knew if we turned down the opportunity we’d probably look back on that decision and regret it, but if we took it we’d never regret that decision.
Worst case you go out and try it for a few years and if you still hate it, then you find a way to move back (and your Darling Husband will have a better job on his resume to look for new work).
I say do it! You can visit family often (especially with the extra salary income) and getting back and forth across the US isn’t too hard.
Plus, people will want to come and visit you since CA is a fantastic place to visit.
Post # 9
Thanks for the advice!
@Miss Fish: He is conflicted, too. His family and friends are all in Baltimore as well. However, he really isn’t as close to his family as I am. He also knows a ton of people in Long Beach because he goes out there every 3 months for work. He admitted though that if he were single he would most likely take the position.
@Mrs.KMM: My Fiance brought that up, too. It would be an amazing thing to put on his resume. So it is possible we could move back home after a few years.
Don’t get me wrong, he has so concerns too. Mainly, will the benefit of the raise cover the cost of living increase in California? It is expensive out there! We were looking at houses last night and they are soo much more than in Baltimore (and Maryland is an expensive state). Also, I will be certified to teach in Maryland. We will need to figure out how difficult it will be for my teaching certification to transfer to California. Also, are there even jobs for teachers in California.
So much to think about!
For me, it is mainly family though. I know we are our own family unit now, but that doesn’t take away from the family unit I spent the first 28 years of my life being a part of. My mom already has grandchildren she never sees. I was so excited to give her a grandchild she can be involved with regularly.
I am being selfish. I know. =(
Post # 10
I already made my decision and I moved across the country to be with Darling Husband. I’m not near any relatives and I hate the job that I had to take up here. To me, Darling Husband is worth more than anything else!!
Besides, you never know, your relatives might not always stay in the same place. My parents would move closer to me once I’m pregnant. Your husband is the most important family.
Post # 11
@KatNYC2011: This makes me happy to hear (not that you had to leave your family and country, but that it is starting to feel like home!)
I never want him to resent me not allowing him this opportunity. I think I am going to have to just bite the bullet…
Post # 12
Sounds like you are in an awesome position. I cannot imagine not living in more than one place in life.
How can you say you would be unhappy? I love meeting new people. If you gave it a try and you actually did hate it, you can always move again. No matter what, the experience will add to your life.
Also, I wouldn’t make plans for kids until you are pregnant with them or have them- I know this is hard, but you never know how long TTC can take.
Post # 13
@RahlyRah: It’s really been great for us. We’d been together 7 years when we got married and had been living together over 3 years. So picking up and moving to a new country right after getting married really gave us a feeling of something “new” with the marriage. We didn’t go back to the same apartment we’d lived in for 2 years, we moved to a new country as husband and wife where we only knew each other.
It’s been neat to almost “reinvent” ourselves as a married couple here and it has really strengthened our relationship.
I’m not going to tell you it’ll all be easy, or that there won’t be days that you are lonely and wish you’d never moved. But the good days greatly outweigh the bad and you are embarking on such an adventure with your new husband.
Plus, like I said before, if after 2 years it’s still awful, you can always go home again.
Post # 14
@KatNYC2011: You have been so helpful! Thank you!
Post # 15
This is a funny post because I moved from California (Inland Empire) to Baltimore with my now-ex-husband in 2000. We did this before we had children. We didn’t know anyone here either. But we made friends and then several years later my parents actually moved to another part of Maryland. Obviously he and I have since divorced and have also remarried, but both of us still live here even though all of his family and the majority of mine is still in California. It was a huge adventure for us at the time. I would say do it!
Post # 16
I have lived in LA before…i’m going to have to say that Long Beach = EWW. But, there are some adorable beach communities just north of there that you should check out that are just lovely!
People are super nice in CA, you won’t have issues making friends. THe weather is awesome for taking a jogging stroller out, there’s the beach right there to play with the baby. There are tons of mom groups, and because the weather is so nice, there are a million places to go hang out in the sun with all the other moms and babies.
If you put a little effort into creating a new network of friends, you’ll find it won’t be that hard. People are really different on the West vs East coast (I lived in Boston for 7 years!)