NWR: What's your relationship like with your mom?

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

My mom and I are pretty close, though we’re very different from each other.  We live 6 hours away by car, so we don’t see each other a ton.  I call her every day as I’m driving home from work, so we speak often.  She thinks of me as her best friend (especially since her best friend recently died).  My sister and father are less patient with her emotional-ness, so she thinks of me as someone she can talk to and cry and be sad and I don’t judge her (she has a lot of health issues that affect her).  

 

I enjoy talking to her and I’m glad we’re close.  I’ll miss her a lot when she dies.  She was very close to her mother, who was very close to her mother.  I HOPE my daughter and I will be close when she is grown.

Post # 3
Member
2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My mom and I have very little in common, really, but we get along well. I trust her experience and advice, and she is very respectful of personal boundaries (never shows up at my house without being invited, never argues about the decisions fiance and I make regarding holiday plans, etc.)

We talk a few times per week, just checking in. I’ll ask about my grandmothers since she has been helping them during Covid, she’ll want to know what new projects we’re working on around the house while we’re staying at home. 

She loves sending my sister-in-law and me little gifts in the mail if we mention we like something or if she finds something fun, which I think is very sweet. My SIL and I have learned to be honest about our likes and dislikes so we don’t end up with an ugly tablecloth from the gift fairy! Haha 

We both do like to decorate our houses, so last year, her Christmas gift to me was a shopping spree for some new Christmas decor at Hobby Lobby when everything was 50% off. It’s really nice when we can find common ground and do something we both enjoy together.

My fiancé and I are child free by choice. While I know my mom really wants grandkids, she has never given me a hard time. I don’t think she fully understands, but she made me promise that if I don’t have kids, I’ll travel a lot and send her those photos instead. Deal! At least she has my brother and SIL to do the grandkids thing with. 

Post # 4
Member
2133 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m close enough lol. We talk every other day or so, and see each other 1-2x a week. I have 3 kiddos at the house with me, so she is very involved with them, especially the youngest 2 that are with me full time and the oldest is my step so only see a few times a month.

Growing up, my mom worked and my dad stayed home, and she was and is a very succesful career woman. Because of that, I don’t think we ever crossed over into the friend category until very recently. She has a lot of friends she works and travels with, and while I think she enjoys my company and I enjoy hers, she puts a lot of effort into her adult friendships and still very much views me as her child. We do differ a lot in terms of politics, religion and also child rearing, but we’re polite enough I think to not let it impact our relationship. We just press each other lightly with it and move on, which has seemed to work out for us. 

As far as the relationship goes with my kids, I have 2 young boys and I do hope to have a similar relationship with them when they’re older. Call a few times a week, see them a few times, be involved with their family. However; so much can depend on them and how much they want to see me, and what their partner thinks, where they live, etc. I try to remind myself that my kids cannot be my besties, because they WILL need their friends, wives or partners, dad, siblings, coaches, teachers, etc more than me at some point in their life. But for now, they’re alll mama and I’m ok with that!

Post # 5
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I love my mom, but we are very different, and I find I handle her best in small doses. We don’t talk every day. Sometimes not even every week or maybe just once a month. We live ~45m apart and I would normally see her a few times a year (my bday, her bday, my husbands bday, maybe her husbands bday, easter, thanksgiving, xmas, maybe one or two random other times) but this year has been remarkably less. I know she wants to see us more, but I’m not comfortable with the activities they want to do, and tbh I dont mind seeing them less. I’m sure that makes her sad, but it’s been great for my mental health. 

My mom tries to mold herself to whatever she thinks the person she is with wants her to be. So I almost never feel like I’m seeing her authentic self. With her friends, she is one way. With family, another. With me, completely different. I also don’t really like her husband, even though I think they work well together (she likes someone to take care of, he was a bachelor until his 40s and likes being taken care of). She isn’t a bad person by any means, and I respect the hell out of her, raising me as a single mom working FT and going to school to better herself, but we will never be the mother daughters that are BFFS.

Post # 6
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

I have an amazing relationship with my mom, and we both did with my grandmother as well, who was like a mother to me as we all lived together. My mom and I speak on the phone every day about everything under the sun, with healthy boundaries of course, because some topics I just don’t want to talk about with my mom. There’s a healthy balance of love, friendship and respect in our relationship. She supports me in everything that I do, and has been an amazing shoulder to cry on throughout mine and my husband’s struggle with infertility, IVF, and the best cheer leader and excited grandmother now during my pregnancy. I’m starting to look more like her as I get older and I find her favorite sayings escaping my mouth all the time. I love and cherish her, and I hope to have the same quality of relationship with our little one on the way and his future siblings. Side note: I’m Black and grew up in a predominantly White suburb, and have noticed that strained relationships between mothers and daughters seem to be far more common in White American culture. I don’t know if it’s because our community tends to have matriarchal families and multi-generational households that creates more of a closeness between the female members of the family, but there’s definitely a difference.

Post # 7
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My mom and I are extremely close. We always have been the type of people who would be inseperable BFFs had we not been mother/daughter, which I think is nice. Childhood and teenage years weren’t too bad because of that (she definitely was Mom at that time, not Friend, but we had a lot of fun together). We get closer with each passing year, and she’s genuinely one of my favorite people to be around. We’re just a lot alike. She’s really close to my grandmother (who is still alive and doing well), and as a result, I’m extremely close to my grandmother as well. I text my mom basically all day, and we usually talk at least once or twice (when I’m driving to/from work, while prepping dinner, etc), and I talk to my grandma for about an hour or so a week (with periodic texts). Oh, and since dads count too, I’m pretty close to mine as well (parents are still married), not as close as my mom, but definitely fairly close.

DH and I are TTC our first, and my mom is SO EXCITED. It’ll be her first grandchild (unless my fence-sitting younger sister who has no desire for a baby anytime soon has an oops), and she can’t wait. I’m excited to see how she is as a grandma, because I know she’ll be amazing. For a long time, I had a girl preference just because of how things are with my mom and grandma, but the older I get, the less I think that matters…plenty of girls don’t get along with their moms, and plenty of sons are carbon copies of their moms and get along great. 

As for replicating it, I hope to! I do sometimes wonder if my mom and I are so close because I’m not super close to my siblings. I have a decade-older half brother who I get along okay with, but we’re not especially close (we’re VERY different, and he never lived with us full time), and a sister who is several years younger than me and had some health issues as a young child. So I never really had a true playmate growing up, just my parents, LOL. DH is fairly close to his parents (divorced and both have been married to their second spouses since he was fairly young), but I think that the fact he has a close-in-age brother who he has a lot in common with means he gravitated more towards spending time with him. I don’t want our kids to be too far apart in age (2.5-3 years or so), so I’m hoping to just replicate ALL of the closeness!

Post # 8
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1999 - Tacoma, WA

I completely cut my mother (and that entire side of the family) out of my life over 2 years ago. The best thing to come out of my traumatic childhood was that I saw exactly the kind of mother I did NOT want to be. I realized what love, sacrifice, trust, care, stability, and compassion was supposed to look like.

My daughter, 21, and I are extremely close. She moved out about 18 months ago (after college) and we speak or text almost daily. I’m the second person she calls when she needs someone to cry to or laugh with or get advice (her boyfriend of 3.5 years is now first, as it should be). I see her at least once a month. 

My son, almost 20, is definitely my boy. He has DiGeorge Syndrome and is intellectually disabled (very high-functioning). He lives at home, but he is very independent – financially and physically. We play video games, watch movies with popcorn, do breakfast dates once/month, see musicals, etc. 

I will also mention that my ex-step-mom (LONG story) whom I have known since I was 4, and I are close, emotionally and spacially – we actually live 5 minutes apart. She’s my mentor, my role model, my go-to. 

Post # 9
Member
4886 posts
Honey bee

I didn’t realize how toxic my relationship with my mother is until I got divorced and went through a lot of therapy.  It’s why I got into a shitty relationship/marriage.  

She’s manipulative and I have to distance myself from her.  

From the outside, we look like we get along great and are very close.  

Post # 10
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee

My mom is my best friend. I’m closer to her than I am with my DH. Our house is right around the corner from my parents because I wanted to be near her so I see her pretty much every day. I walk over there whenever I want to hang out and she also has the key to our home. But my mom has never used it. She respects our boundaries and will only use it in case of emergencies. She always calls before she comes over.

We have very similar personalities and like the same things. I know my love for handbags and shoes came from her, that’s for sure! She’s taught me a million things including how to see the positive in things and how to cook. She says I’m a better cook than her now and that’s saying alot because my mom is a phenomenal cook!

We left our home country when I was a baby in search of a better life and I’m forever grateful for the sacrifices she and my dad have made for our family. 

Here is my beautiful mother with me on my wedding day. See the resemblance? I’m basically her Mini-me..LOL..everyone says so!!

Post # 11
Member
9422 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My mom and I were super close growing up. We’re still fairly close but we’ve started to clash in recent years. Some of her behavior is exactly the crap that drove her away from my grandmother and I call her out on it. 

Post # 12
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

I am very close with my mom as well. We speak on the phone at least once a day and text throughout as well. She is a voice of reason in my life, giving the best advice, telling me I’m wrong when I need to hear it. I can count on her for anything. If I said “Mom, I’m really in a pinch, I need you to row a boat across the Atlantic Ocean for me.” She would do it, and I would do the same for her. She is just as close with my sister. The three of us really stick together and share everything with one another without judgement. I hear of people who only speak to their moms once a week or so and it is hard to imagine. I think “Aren’t you wondering how her day went? What’s going on with her co-workers? What she is having for dinner? Whether her Amazon package arrived on time? How can you be okay with not knowing??”

 

My mom was just as close with her mom until her passing so I do think there is a generational element to it.

Post # 14
Member
564 posts
Busy bee

My mom and I had a lot of issues when I was growing up, she wasn’t around much and I resented her for it. When I got into my late teens we became close and still are. She lives a couple of hours away, but pre COVID she’d come to visit or I’d go visit at least once a month, and we email every single day just to check in with eachother. 

I can tell my mom literally anything without any judgement, she’s fun to hang out with, my friends and husband love spending time with her, shes supportive, and caring.

My mom, my sister and I are all very close and I’m thankful for that. We have so much fun together, love going on girls trips and having a good time. We have a Christmas get away planned together, and my mom is comign to visit us for the first time since COVID in a couple of weeks which I am super excited for.

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