(Closed) NWR (Work related): Is my friend (and bridemaid) a selfish bi***?

posted 7 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m on your friend’s side– you’re only going to be at this job for 10 months and she’s putting her word on the line for you.  If you take this job with the pretenses that you will be there for years, you’re lying to them and could put them in a tight spot when you leave.

Post # 4
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

In your situation, I think I would just submit my resume myself and ask your friend not to get involved. I think it would burn bridges with this company for your friend if she puts in a recommendation for you and you leave in less than a year, training employees costs a company money. But if you get the job without her recommendation then there shouldn’t be any problem for her.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MissTaken: Eh, maybe she didn’t go about it in the most tactful way possible, but I see where she’s coming from. If you’ve spent 2 years building a professional network you want the person you recommend to start things off on the right foot. It would reflect on her too. Just tell her thanks but you are aware of how to handle yourself work wise and yes be honest with them. Sounds like she’s just having a hard time letting control of the job go but wants to retain a good relationship.

Post # 6
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I also agree with your friend for all the reasons bookworm88 listed.  Sorry.

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m on your friend’s side too. When a company hires you they don’t expect you to already have one foot out the door.

If your friend is going to stick her neck out for you and submit your resume, it’s only fair that either you or her give the employer full disclosure.

Good references and connections are so important these days.

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be slightly peeved as well.  I think people can take a job and then decide to move within ten months…no one needs to know that you were planning on it unless someone tells them.  I don’t think it would reflect badly on her in any way if you moved after almost a year.  As long as you do a good job, her putting a good word in for you shouldn’t reflect badly on her.

Guess I’m in the minority though, so maybe just submit the resume yourself and ask her to stay out of it if it worries you.

Post # 9
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m also siding with your friend on this one.  she’s putting her rep on the line for you.  she doesn’t have to.  i respect her integrity. you need to be honest and upfront with the employer.  i think she is being a friend by giving you an opportunity to tell the truth yourself.

i work in a town and in a field where i am constantly finding myself saying, “it’s a small world.”  i’ve learned to never burn any bridges. she’s smart by making sure her rep is not tainted. 

 

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissTaken: She probably is saying this because you know you have concrete plans to move in 10 months. She probably has a strong connection with these people and just wants to make sure that they know you have no intention of being a long term employee.

Honestly I would feel uncomfortable recommending someone who I knew was going t dedicate less than 1 year to the job. Especially because if it ever came out that I knew ahead of time of that individual’s plan to leave it would reflect poorly on me.

 

The job market is so tough right now, the last thing I’d want to do is upset someone who could help me down the road.

Post # 12
Member
14440 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think shes doing anything wrong and I honestly dont think she went about it wrong.  She didnt bullshit and sugar coat it and was very straight up and honest to you, what more could you really want in a good friend.  If she is recommending you and vouching for you, then what you do has a effect on her as well.  You both could also play it off as though the future is unknown, and have something “come up” in 10 months, then both your asses are covered and only the company gets screwed out of training and brining up a new employee and having them leave in less than a year.

Post # 13
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It also sounds like you want this job just because the money is good and the work is light, not because it is a field or career you are interested in. So from the outset that doesn’t sound like the “best” fit for a job.

Also, if it is a job that takes some training to get up to speed and you leave in less than 1 year you will just be putting the company in a place where they have to train another person (and lay out that cost) less than 1 year after doing it for you.

Post # 14
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think the situation is a little sticky but I completely understand why she would say that to you…I would be really grateful and sweet to her because she’s helping you out.

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i can totally understand where your friend is coming and i think honesty should always be the best policy

The topic ‘NWR (Work related): Is my friend (and bridemaid) a selfish bi***?’ is closed to new replies.

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