Post # 1
I’ve mentioned in a few threads that my Darling Husband has a very bad concussion. I’m just really really having trouble coping. I’m soooooo worried and panicked about it. And I have to keep it all on the inside because stress isn’t good for him and it gets him really upset to hear that I’m worried.
i come home at night and we eat dinner together mostly in silence because talking bothers him – he can joke around a little and listen to me talk about my day, but can’t engage in anything of substance. And then he goes to bed at 7:30.
i feel completely disconnected from him. I feel this panic rising in me – what if he doesn’t get better? I’m SO worried. Im SO upset. I feel sooooooo lonely. And I miss him so much.
Please PLEASE PLEASE don’t make this thread about how to heal him. We’ve had a cat scan. We’ve been to the ER. We are going to the neurologist on Monday and his GP says that his symptoms are normal and gave him a second month off work to rest. I don’t want to talk about his health. Please help me cope with this???
im going to see my therapist tomorrow and all my girlfriends are on high alert to heLP. But nothing seems to calm the panic inside me. Being at home with him is so stressful. I just try not to talk much and stay calm, but it’s all a lie. I’m a mess inside.
Post # 2
why are you so stressed out girl? Is it because you have to pick up after him and you have more chores than normal?
I would like to sympathize but it honestly sounds like you’re panicking cause he can’t engage with you, not more so about his health. Sounding kinda selfish given he’s not feeling well.
I think maybe leaving the home a couple of nights a week to regroup and distress would make you feel better. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it as a time to rest as well.
Post # 3
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. The reality is that with most of these types of injuries “healing” is relative. You may have to prepare yourself that concussions especially of the type you are describing can cause permanent changes to the brain.
I wouldn’t panic yet, the neurology appointment will give you a much better idea of what you are looking at, ex. if there is a brain bleed evident on the MRI then you will get a plan of action. A neurologist will also be able to help you find other supportive services. Brain injuries are not uncommon, I would look for support groups in your area that will help you connect with other caregivers and find the necessary supportive services to get through this in the most manageable way possible.
Discussing how to manage this with your therapist is good idea and he/she may also be able to guide you through what is either going to be a long recovery or a sea change in your relationship.
Post # 4
My 11 year old had a bad concussion that left her with a serious stutter, easily distractable, and memory lapses. It took about 3-4 months for her to get back to her normal self. She went to school during the entire time, just was given extra time to complete work if needed. We just let her be herself And do things at her own pace. You can’t stress about it.
Post # 5
thanks jily. I appreciate you responding again. I’m looking forward to talking to my therapist tomorrow and to the neurologist on Monday. I really had to throw a fit to get the neurology appointment – the GP didn’t think it necessary and The neurologist didn’t have an opening for a month! I had to really lose my shit on them (in a nice way!)
i just miss him. I miss interacting with him. Its so hard not sharing my true thoughts and feelings with him. It’s like he’s checked out.
i desperately hope this is temporary…. What if he can’t do his job again???
I think keeping this all bottled inside is really getting to me.
yes I go to the gym or out with friends a few nights a week. And no he’s actually doing more house chores than usual since he’s home a lot.
Post # 6
The Brain Injury Association may be able to provide support their number is 800-444-6443. They also have a website Biausa.org, you may be able to find resources that may help there.
You are too early into this to worry that you are seeing a permanent change. Brain injuries heal at varied rates. I would try adult coloring books, they can be very helpful in reducing your stress and may be something he is interested in doing as well which will give you the opportunity to bond a bit.
This is going to be a slow road, I don’t know why you are having such a hard time with your local medical professionals, that they aren’t doing MRI’s yet baffles my mind. You seem to be advocating for your hubby well, now you just have to wait to hear what the neuro consult tells you.
Post # 7
What you are experiencing is anxiety.
Let me recap what you’ve shared so far:
Your husband may have permanent brain damage.
His brain injuries may leave him with these severe cognitive, emotional and sensory limitations that you’ve described in previous threads.
Your doctors haven’t responded to the severity of the symptoms you’ve described with speed and/or adequate explanations to give you reliable answers, a plan of action or an expected prognosis.
Your plans to be a mother may be forever altered.
Your life as you know it may have changed forever.
So I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the anxiety you’re experiencing is completely natural. All you can really do at this point is to get a grip on your anxiety, learn coping techniques with your therapist and decide whether you want to push for a different response from his medical team (eg. Find a neuropsychologist who can work on rehabiliatative options with him, etc.) or follow the current plan (wait and see). Of course you have to learn to take care of him AND yourself. Of course you’re going to need lots and lots of support and help. Find online forums, in-person caregiver groups, whatever you need to help you get through this.
I’ve read through your other threads and seen the type of responses you’ve gotten so I’m going to kindly suggest that you find a different, more supportive forum for what you’re experiencing (aka acute anxiety, a complete change of present and future expectations of your marriage and life AND caregiver problems).
Post # 8
thank you!! I will definitely call that hotline. I found another concussion center, but decided to do one thing at a time, so we will see how monday goes first. He is also doing cranial sacral therapy, acupuncture twice a week, and using medical marijuana.
he has a few coloring books my SIL just gave him. Maybe I will borrow one! I asked if he wanted to color together tonight but he said no… We do have plans to go for a mild hike (walk) on sunday so im really looking forward to that. And tomorrow I have therapy, yoga and girls night out so that will hopefully help me.
Thank you so much for your support. 💗
Post # 9
thank you for your insightful comment. It made me cry my eyes out. I don’t know who go turn to. My parents are too reactive and unhelpful (I tried). His parents are also too panicky and my husband got very angry that I was talking to them “behind his back”. I’m going to talk to my sister tomorrow but she’s been out of town (and we’re not close). My friends can only do so much…
i do have good anxiety coping techniques since I have a history of an anxiety disorder which is well managed after years of therapy and learning life skills.
Maybe the number jily gave me will have some resources to offer me. I feel so alone. You’re rihht though that maybe this isn’t the right forum…. no offense ladies…
Post # 10
I was on the other end of this for almost 2 years.. When I had a severe head injury, there wasn’t a lot going on up there. I just wanted to sleep and when I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t thinking, just existing. It just takes a very long time for this kind of thing to heal. I know you didn’t want to talk the medical side of it, but the ONLY thing that helped me recover (I wasn’t seeing improvement after months and months, very scary) I started physical therapy with a therapist that specialized in aiding in healing concussions by releasing tension and helping the fluid in the brain and spine to start “moving freely” again as she put it. What my therapist did was a little controversial, and people always look at me like I’m crazy when I talk about it. My neurologist and neuropsychologist both refered me to her. Iwas looking at permanent damage and now I am 95% better.. Something to think about!
I also know how it can be stressful from the other side of things. SO said he lost me for over a year and it was the worst thing ever, and that now when I fall into a spell of having symptoms again, it gives him the same panicked feeling. He found outlets like running and video games to help when I was busy, so that during my down time he didn’t feel so stressed, and he could sit in the dark with me without feeling like he was going to explode
ETA: if you need to vent, you can message me! I know sometimes the stress is hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it!
Post # 11
you are missing your husband and grieving what you don’t have right now,and what you fear you might not get back. This is pretty huge.
I’m glad you have support and friends but go easy on yourself. it’s so scary to lose the person you love when they are still here but you can’t reach them.
The good news is the doctors seem to think it’s a matter of time, so try not to buy trouble until you know more. One thing at a time.
Post # 12
I’m sorry this is happening to you. If I were in your shoes, I would be missing my FI’s normal personality and the way we normally interact and have fun and joke around together. I would also be worried about our future family and TTC if we were at that stage in our lives, like you are. Of course, my FI’s health and well-being would be the most important thing to me, and I’m sure you feel that way about your Darling Husband, but it is not wrong to be sad and scared about those other things either.
Concussions and traumatic brain injuries are seriously scary. There should be more awareness around them. I know that is starting to happen, at least in the context of professional sports, but there are still a lot of unknowns. I can understand why you are so worried.
Post # 13
shoutouttoallthepear: BalletParker: FantasticFawn:
thank you so much for your empathy and kind thoughts, and shoutouttoallthepear for the shared story. I’ve had a good cry and a text chat with a good friend who is recovered from a concussion and am now going to relax with some tv for a bit.
thank you for the support dear bees!!!!!!
Post # 14
I don’t have anything helpful to offer, but I just want to say I’m so sorry you’re both going through this! I would be just as scared and upset if I were in your place. The brain is a complicated thing and it must be so stressful to just have to wonder how extensive or lasting the damage will be. There’s nothing selfish about worrying about how your lives might change or feeling sad about being unable to connect to your husband, these are major things. Try to stay optimistic though, it sounds like this is a pretty recent injury and his body needs time to heal. Don’t assume the worst (though I know how hard it is not to, I’m an anxious person too!), just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Your feelings are totally valid. It is so hard to interact with someone who just is not himself, whether it’s because of a brain injury or another mental issue, it’s confusing and painful for everyone. Stay hopeful though, humans are amazingly resilient!
Post # 15
I worked with a doctor who specializes in concussions, primarily in professional athletes. From what you’ve posted, his symptoms sound very typical of other concussion patients we have seen and treated. A concussion is a really unique type of injury. The reason he isn’t engaging with you is he literally isn’t physically able to be there for you emotionally. Right now, he really needs your support and understanding. I know this must be very difficult and scary, but his symptoms will improve. It just takes time, especially dealing with a brain injury.
I’m glad you insisted on seeing a neurologist. General practitioners do not have the necessary experience, in my opinion, to best treat concussions. It’s great you’re getting out of the house tomorrow and doing something nice for yourself. And while this may not be the best place for this topic, it’s really positive you’re reaching out to others and talking about how you feel.
Please try to hang in there. It will get better.