(Closed) NWR: Would you ever spank your kid?

posted 10 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Is spanking ever ok?

    Yes, under any circumstance.

    Yes, under EXTREME circumstances (what do you consider "extreme"?)

    Never

    Other, please explain

  • Post # 137
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @Beluga: I agree!

    Post # 138
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I was spanked, and it never really hurt that bad. The worst part was my mom saying (a SATM), “I’m going to tell your dad what you did when he gets home” and then she would call him, and sometimes, we would get a wee spanking when he got home. 

    The spanking we got (my brother and I) were not abusive – nothing more than a single pop on the bottom – no belt, no other instrument, nothing. They were used as a last resort and taught us a lesson.  It was shaming, sure, and it worked. When mom said she was going to call dad we shaped up – and dad was NOT scary. He was sweet and a wonderful dad, not at all a figure we were scared of. But the threat worked when nothing else did. 

    I think spanking is fine in that circumstance. I have no problem spanking, but my husband is opposed (he was raised in a non-spanking household). Its something we’ll work through when we have kids. 

    I don’t think hitting and violence is an example at all to set for children, but I guess I don’t see the spanking I got as violence, of any sort. 

    Post # 139
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    As I am reading this thread the song “I’m bringing Spanking Back…yup!” (played to the beat of ‘I’m bringing sexy back’ by Justin Timberlake) keeps running through my head 😉

    Post # 140
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee

    You might also be interested to know that spanking has been illegal in Sweden for over a generation, 30 years. Not only are they turning out okay as adults, they’re hugely peaceful, intelligent and well turned out adults. Hey look at that, a whole nation without abuse turned out okay.

    Post # 141
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee

    Just a little off topic, I find it really interesting how many people are going off anecdotal evidence e.g. “my parents spanked me and I turned out okay” or vice versa. Would you take prescription drugs if they had only been tested anecdotally? No of course not, because messing with your life is serious business, well messing with a child’s is too, perhaps the poster should be looking at empirical studies as well as this board, great for a discussion perhaps, but definitely not great for decision influencing.

    Post # 142
    Member
    1303 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Aboslutely not.  I will preface this by saying I have very extreme views on the topic.  I think it’s a babaric, out dated, uncreative, passive form of parenting.  In fact I think it’s disgusting.  Especially to see grown MEN hitting litte girls and boys, it just makes me shake my head vigourously.

    The argument “well I was spanked and I came out fine” is so moot to me.  I myself, grew up in a inner city, underserved area, and where schools were riddled with violence and streets with drugs and I came out ok, some would say more than ok.  That doesn’t mean I want to raise my child in the neighborhood I grew up in.  I was also spanked as a child and came out fine, still dont agree with it’s use.

    And the whole “well I am training my child for the real world”……… yeah dont even get that at all…

    I will say that people have a right to parent as they see fit and the biggest thing is to KNOW YOUR CHILD.  Some kids laugh in the face of spanking, some are emotionally scarred by it, and according to anecdotal evidence, some come out “aight” (whatever that means).  Using spanking as a one size fits all approach just gets on my nerves.

    Post # 143
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

     I voted under extreme circumstances. I was spanked by my father as a child. I do think I was spanked more often then necessary but now that I am all grown I have no emotional scarring what so ever. I don’t look back on it as “violence” and see it as stictly discipline. I was made to be well behaved where ever we went and if that meant getting a spanking then thats what I got. In our house growing up the parents ruled the roost and children minded them. I was stil a privledged child but I also knew my limits.

     I just feel like parents are judged so much now adays on how they discipline that spanking has become “abuse”. Children have wayyyy more options now then ever. Part of this is because parents don’t strictly enforce anything anymore. When I was a child I HAD NO OPTIONS. Parents are way to worried about making big money, having big degrees and living the “big” life. Then they wonder why their “perfect” sons and daughters are doing down the wrong path. If for once they put their silly pride aside and disciplined their children the old fashioned way maybe then they wouldn’t have this problem.

     I just think this whole spanking thing is kinda silly. Way back when, teachers spanked kids along with their parents. Then it was just the parents, and now recently, not even the parents can do it. I’m happy my parents spanked me. It kept me on the straight and narrow and taught me respect alot quicker then a simple “time out”. (not that I wont use those too, but I really hate those woman in the grocery store who’s kids are screaming that they say “do you want a time out???” I’m thinking “haul that kid out to the car, give him a swift smack on the bottom and say “Now are you going to behave once we go back inside??)

    P.S. I do think that there should be many rules with spanking. With my son, my husband and I didn’t start spanking till after the age of 2. I wouldn’t allow it before then. He also has to be wearing a pull-up or pants before he gets spanked and we spank with nothing but our hands. I also think that any more then 2 swats is a little extreme.

    Post # 144
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

    PSS. Can I say that I really don’t like these kind of threads? I feel like they are just here to stir up controversy. But I can’t complain because the side of me that always has to put in my two sense will of course have something to say.

     I just like it when we all get along!!!!! =)

    Post # 145
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I see nothing wrong with spanking/hitting a child when they misbehave. I do think warnings are appropriate, I was never given a warning as a child and I do believe that would have eliminated a lot of my not so good behavior. I stopped receiving spankings around 7 or 9 and I think this is a good age to stop.

    I watch super nanny all the time, and some of the older kids are extremely disrespectful to their parents. I would never talk to my parents like that and I’m grown. I think a child shouldn’t necessarily be afraid of their parents, but fear them to some extent; and in my opinion time outs don’t cause fear. If a teacher were to tell my child they were going to call me if they continued to misbehave, I would want my child to fear that call. I wouldn’t want my child shrugging their shoulders and thinking oh whip de doo I’m going to be put in time out.

    Post # 146
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee

    I think its okay, if you never spank in anger.  My rule of thumb is, it should hurt you as much as it hurts the child.  I think I was only spanked two or three times as a child, after that the threat was enough to get me to stop whatever I was doing. 

    Post # 147
    Member
    2312 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I don’t plan on BEATING my child, but a swat on the ass or a pop on the hand does wonders for keeping a kid in line. When we were little, my mom had a wooden spoon she’d pop us on the leg with if we were bad. She’d nap on the couch holding that wooden spoon so she could reach out and pop us with it if we ran by yelling or something! LOL. It makes me laugh now but I hated that wooden spoon as a kid. She also kept one under the front seat of her car so she could use it to swat us if we were being bad in the backseat while she was driving, and one time my sister and I hid it from her and she got SOOOOOO mad reaching around looking for it. She was SOOOO mad!!

    But that’s the worst we ever got, the spoon or her hand. I find beating children with belts TOTALLY unacceptable, and my parents never EVER did that to us. There’s spanking and there’s flat out beating.

    Post # 148
    Member
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think sometimes a swat is necessary, but I do think there are better ways to approach an issue depending on the child. Some respond to a swat well. Some do not. I used to have to drop my pants, bend over a bed, and be spanked with a buffalo nickel-studded belt for talking back. I think that was over the top–I’d scream and it left welts. And i can’t say i learned “from” it and I believe it was done out of frustration because my dad doesn’t believe in reasoning with children. I was also spanked up til age 16, which i think is ridiculous. I think situations like this is how spanking gets a bad name. Also–i think some children just dont’ respond well to it. I would’ve responded well to reasoning. But my brother did not. It’s hard to say.

    But i do believe there is a time and a place for spankin’ and it will be a “tool” in the toolbox but certainly not the first tool brought out. 

    When my dad caught my brother skipping school and smoking weed at 14, he definitely got a serious spanking for it.

    Post # 149
    Member
    3761 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    View original reply
    @ohheavenlyday: We totally had a wooden spoon as well.  For me I think it was good to have the “object” because it was an easier threat.  If we saw the wooden spoon come out we knew she meant business.  Usually we straightened right up without getting spanked.  You can’t really do that with a hand. 

    Anyways, for extreme curcumstances, after the anger/emotion has left we will spank. I don’t want to spank my kid just because I was frustrated with them. I think for younger kids (like still in diaper ages) it can be very effective especially when they are doing something dangerous. 

    I also totally agree with the consistency thing.  Its my biggest pet peeve of my IL’s.  Its no wonder the 3 year old does something even when you tell them no because last time you told them yes! 

    We too got the 1, 2, 3 count which was really effective.  I don’t remember a lot of time outs but I think it can be effective (not going to your room to play, but sitting in the corner by yourself doing nothing).  

    I remember my brother being sent to his room and often slamming the door.  After a while the door just got removed and he didn’t have a bedroom door!

    Post # 150
    Member
    6391 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I was the youngest in my family until very recently, and I never babysat, so I have very limited experience with different punishment methods, except for what was used on me. My parents spanked me, and I wasn’t scarred by it, but I did resent my parents for it, and it did make me want to hide things from them instead of coming to them. I can count on one hand the number of times they spanked me, and they definitely didn’t let it get out of hand, but I still resented them for it.

    Personally, I’m going to have to read a lot of books before I have children, but I won’t be spanking them, whatever I do.

    Post # 151
    Member
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think I will be more of a swatter.  Little fingers going near a hot stove get swatted away.  Not to cause pain but just so little fingers don’t get burnt and they’re reminded swiftly of it.   I can’t really imagine myself having a child who does something wrong and then going over to spank them, at that point it seems like there’s plenty of other methods of discipline. 

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