(Closed) NWR: Would you ever spank your kid?

posted 10 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Is spanking ever ok?

    Yes, under any circumstance.

    Yes, under EXTREME circumstances (what do you consider "extreme"?)

    Never

    Other, please explain

  • Post # 62
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @meliss:  I have cat carriers/kennels.  Whenever my cats do something bad (b/c water doesn’t deter one of them), I say “NO!” very loudly and tell them that I’m putting them in their kennel, then I do it.  I do that consistently enough, that when I say “go to your cage” they do it.  Actually, really, only one of my cats does it consistently (she’s the only one that gets into a lot of trouble)–getting on the table, sharpening her claws on my bike tires (which she’s punctured), etc.  My oldest cat, Tux, when I say “Tuuuuux, what are you doing!?” She starts walking towards her kennel…she doesn’t like being picked up, she has bad asthma so it’s painful on her when people hold her, so it’s easier for her to go towards her kennel than for me to pick her up.

    What’s interesting is that my cats love their kennels, they sleep in them sometimes…so I’m not sure how much punishment it is, only that they don’t get to roam around freely when they are punished.

    Post # 63
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

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    @jayce: I am completely aware that each jurisdiction varies. Thank you. I would also not live in a place where I couldn’t punish my kids. Where a time out was supposed to be effective.

    “You did something wrong, go play in your room.”

    Sorry.

    Like I said in my above comment.

    I have seen an abused child, and I do not consider myself abused because I got a few spankings in my day. Most all of my friends have been spanked, and they aren’t emotioanlly scarred and they spank their children when their behavior warrants it.

    Notice I said warrants. Not they spank their kids every single day whenever they do anything remotely close to being wrong.

    And I’m just saying. I personally, am not negatively affected by my parents method of punishment. The children I know, personally, and come into contact with on a daily basis, vary greatly in behavior. The kids THAT I KNOW, who are spanked occasionally, are much better behaved than those who were never spanked.

    But that is MY experience. I’m not saying it has to be everyone else’s, because I know it’s not.

    Post # 64
    Member
    3613 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

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    @beekiss2: Wow, impressive 🙂 If I told one of my cats to go sit in their cat carrier they’d probably “give me the paw” (cause they have no middle fingers) and go lie on the couch instead. I have zero authority with them. Also I thought animals can’t understand cause-effect unless the punishment was given within 3 seconds of the act.

    Post # 65
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

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    @meliss:I’ll close my cat in the bathroom for a few minutes, if he’s really bad. He absolutely hates it.

    Post # 66
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @meliss:  Lol.  I’ve also trained them to get their treats.  For awhile I had my middle cat, Firefox (who is the trouble maker) sitting nicely for her treats.

    Post # 67
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

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    @Ms Sassy:  You just reminded me of my moms ‘looks’.  I stll get them sometimes lol. 

     My mom also used the counting method as in: “I’m going to count till 3, you DO NOT want to know what happens after 3.  1… 2…don’t let me get to 3”. That was usually effective.

     I was spanked on my bottom (by my mom, with her hand) and also slapped across the face.  I only remember it happening a few times and it was always under extreme circumstances.  I remember being around 7 and wandering off in the mall so I could go see Santa. My mom took me home and gave me a nice spanking.    The face slap happened to me over my bad language and major attitude problem in my pre-teens.  Looking back, I totally deserved it. 

    My fi and I have talked about this and we both agree that we will discipline with spanking as a last resort, same as we were both raised.

    Also, I have to disagree with all the bee’s that say that spanking is equal to child abuse.  I do not consider the spanking that I endured as abuse, and I love my mom dearly to this day. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    14492 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My son is 18 now, and yes I spanked when it was called for.  I only had to spank him a few times then all I ever needed was the threat of spanking, as my mother calls it “The Fear of God”.  My son is a good, polite, smart, kind, loving, respectful and hard working young man who is leaving for the Army out of a a real belief in honor.  So, I think spanking did him no harm.

    Post # 69
    Member
    2194 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

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    @Winter12: There’s no place where you can’t punish your child.  It’s using physical force to punish your child that’s outlawed.

    Timeouts in your room, where you could play with toys?  Duh, of course that’s ineffective.  But timeouts where you can’t play?  I always found them much more effective in my childhood.  I was locked in my parents’ walk-in closet with the light on and made to sit in a chair and think about what I did, after having it explained to me why it was wrong if it wasn’t already exceptionally clear.  That always affected me much more positively than a spanking (and btw, I think all this open hand vs object stuff is crap, because I was spanked with a belt but more often hit with my very strong father’s open palm and it left welts many times.  Open hands can cause severe pain!).  I was put in a not-fun situation, my parents expressed their extreme disappointment in me (which, for a child, is very upsetting), and I was made to sit and think about what I’d just done wrong, instead of having someone hit me and be left thinking only about how much I hated being hit and how much I hated my father instead of thinking about what I actually did wrong.  Even if my parents tried to explain after hitting me just why what I’d done wrong was so terrible, I probably would have been seething in anger too much to register their words.

    Timeouts wouldn’t be such a timeworn, trusted by so many form of discipline if they were always ineffective.  They just have to be done right.

    Post # 70
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @retsud:  I used to close my cat, Tux, in the bathroom but she felt really ostracized, so the kennels work a bit better since she’s near me and doesn’t think I don’t love her.

    I know people probably think I’m ridiculous for thinking my cats have feelings.

    Post # 71
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

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    @beekiss2:right there with you. always had to get the belt for my little sister – i would wander around aimlessly until my mom would threaten to get us both. My sister would refuse to get the belt. She was very different than my brother and me.

    My mom would call us over for a whipping – my brother and I would come right over, sister would run like the wind!

    Post # 72
    Member
    631 posts
    Busy bee

    I was spanked as a kid and I will definitely spank my kids for the worst offenses (just with a hand on the but of course).    People say “we shouldn’t teach our children that “violence is the answer.”  But the fact is that in our society, violence IS a CONSEQUENCE of wrongful behavior. What else is prison but confinement enforced by violence?  I would rather my children learn that actions have consequnces in a safe and innocuous way from someone that loves them, rather than from the police.   

    Post # 73
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

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    @beekiss2: I got spanked with a belt, twice. I told my dad off and I shot a window out with a BB gun. I think a belt is ok. A riding crop isn’t exaclty a common household item around here, so I wouldn’t know. I also got popped with a hairbrush by my mother, and to be honest, it hurt a whole lot less than the hand did.

    But that’s just me. I think belts are ok, but my brother and I never got it unless it was something that was a really big deal, like handling a BB gun without supervision and shooting out that window.

     

    Post # 74
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @retsud:  Also going on the list is being spanked publicly.  Yep, my dad would do that and it was so humiliating.  Everyone around was like “woah…” and not b/c my sister and I deserved it.

    Post # 75
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @chicagowife:  When you’re in a prison, you aren’t violently beaten by guards or police (or shouldn’t be).

    Post # 76
    Member
    2194 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

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    @chicagowife: Violence isn’t SUPPOSED to happen in prisons.  That’s the result of a defective system.  Just because violence happens in prisons, or that something is a cultural norm, doesn’t make it right or effective.  And also, the implication that a child who never experienced corporal punishment will end up in prison is a ridiculous one. 

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