(Closed) NWR: Would you ever spank your kid?

posted 10 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Is spanking ever ok?

    Yes, under any circumstance.

    Yes, under EXTREME circumstances (what do you consider "extreme"?)

    Never

    Other, please explain

  • Post # 107
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

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    @Winter12: Well obviously something that’s done incorrectly is not going to work. People are telling you that they have seen timeouts work when done correctly. Aren’t you curious? Aren’t you interested in learning how to do them correctly?

    Post # 108
    Member
    1237 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I would never hit or “spank” my kids under any circumstances.

    I work as a behavior therapist and I believe that I know very well how to teach a child how to behave. For all the people who have said “My parents yelled at me all the time and I was horrible, I needed to be spanked,” that’s exactly why. Your parents yelled all the time instead of using clear instructions, reinforcements, and consequences.

    Post # 109
    Member
    2194 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

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    @beekiss2: Well, I’ve been vegetarian since I was 8 and vegan for a decade next year, so I’ve got a lot of recipes, resources, and baking tricks (haha) stored up.  PM me if you’re interested in anything in particular and I can definitely point you in the right direction for literally anything having to do with being vegan, I’m pretty sure, heh.  Good luck if you decide to make the switch, seriously, I can’t decide if barging into FI’s college dorm room with drunken assertiveness and introducing myself to him or going vegan was the best decision I ever made in my life, but one of them definitely was. 😛

    Post # 110
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

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    @kirabee: Thanks for giving us your opinion as a professional. My FI’s mother is also a childcare professional and she never raised a hand to Fiance. She also rarely even raised her voice at him. I remember being so surprised when he told me that. I didn’t think it was possible to be a parent and not be yelling all the time, because that’s what I grew up with. What you just said explains it perfectly.

     

    Post # 111
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I didn’t say parents who spank are lazy.  I said spanking is a lazy form of parenting.  I do lazy things (stuffing my trash can rather than taking out the trash, not folding my laundry for a week so it gets all wrinkled, get up a half hour late), and I don’t think this makes me an inherently bad person.  It just means that sometimes I don’t do the right thing because it’s easier not to.

    Post # 112
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Just as a case study, I was certainly spanked – and then some. I’ve never been in a fight and have only ever hit one person – a response to being humiliated (i slapped a bf who announced what kind of underwear i was wearing to a room full of people – just a reaction). I never got in trouble at school and was usually punished for what most would consider silly things (not turning on the dishwasher, disagreeing with parents, etc.).

    Corporal punishment was not the only form of discipline, and honestly it was my preferred. Silent treatment was the worst. Standing in the corner was horribly boring and I never thought about what I had done, except that my mom was unfair. For me, knowing my mom was disappointed was always worse than anything else. A spanking was quick and over.

    I was absolutely afraid of my mother. It definitely worked to keep me in line and didn’t make me a violent person. It did, of course, add to a multitude of mommy issues however.

    Post # 113
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee

    I also want to add that I think there are worse, more scarring things than spanking. If my mom came in and saw that any clothes were not folded correctly in my drawers or closet she would dump every drawer out in the center of the room, or pull all my clothes off the hanger and make me re-do it all. Looking back, I think that was pretty ridiculous. It didn’t teach me anything other than to resent her.

    Post # 114
    Member
    2560 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would never hit or spank my kids under any circumstances. 

    I come from a non-spanking home, and me and my siblings were extremely well disciplined, and well behaved. So I totally don’t buy that parents who hit their kids have better disciplined children. If anything they learn to fear their parents rather than respect their parents and the rules.

    There are time outs, explanations, etc etc .. 

    Open hand, vs closed hand, vs belt, vs other other object … doesn’t matter, because in my eyes it is all abuse.

    Post # 116
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

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    @UpstateCait: We do bathroom timeouts for our cat too.  They’re miraculous.  He can be a complete bastard, go into the bathroom, and come out the angel we all know he truly is, deep down inside.  

    Post # 117
    Member
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

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    @mrsmdphd:We do bathroom timeouts for our cat too.  They’re miraculous.  He can be a complete bastard, go into the bathroom, and come out the angel we all know he truly is, deep down inside.

    haha that’s awesome

    Post # 118
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Will we use spanking?  Absolutely.  Do I believe it can be effective if done correctly?  Absolutely.  It seems like a lot of the people against spanking were actually beaten as children, not spanked.  Also, laws shouldn’t necessarily define your moral compass.  It is legal in some countries to kill your wife if she lies to you.  I’m not relying on politicians to define what is right.  As another poster pointed out, I think that a lot of these answers will change once you actually have kids.  (And yes, I realize a lot of them won’t.  Especially if you were abused as a child…)

    My parents had levels of spanking.  There was a quick spank on the butt, usually shocking but painless.  Then there was “Wait til you father gets home…” which resulted in a belting (over clothes, not hard) once Dad got home.  Again, shocking, and only hurt for like a second.  The last level was inherent disrespect which resulted in a slap on the cheek.  I only remember that happening once, and I TOTALLY deserved it.  I was being a cheeky sass!

    We’ll probably use the butt swatt and the cheek slap.  I feel if they are done as a repercussion (and not in anger as PP have mentioned) then they’ll be effective.

    Post # 119
    Member
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

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    @MightySapphire: is it inappropriate if I tell you I love you? Seriously you always take EXACTLY what I want to say, only better. 

    Post # 120
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I was never spanked as a child. My father is a school psychologist and my mother is a nurse practitioner and they both understood that spanking is not the way to teach a child anything. I don’t have kids, but when I do, spanking won’t be on the roster. 

    Post # 121
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @MightySapphire: and others in favor of spanking:  Do you think there are alternatives to spanking?

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