(Closed) NWR…but hurting from a loss and would appreciate advice

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@arabesque0128:  I’m really sorry to hear about your grandfather. I lost one of mine a little over 10 years ago and can’t imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to go to the funeral. If you don’t think the flowers are good enough then don’t send them, plus chances are there will be so many plants she won’t know what to do with them all anyway.

One idea I have is to plant a tree in his memory. I know it can be done with Arbor Day Foundation at http://www.arborday.org/join/TICTIM/index.cfm 

Post # 4
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

First of all, big hugs to you!

Second, I was just in the same boat as you. My grandmother passed away last Tuesday. She and my grandfather live(d) in Florida, and I am in Georgia. My family went down to see my grandmother and say our goodbyes Thursday of the week before. Together with my grandfather, we made the decision to take grandma off of life support. The doctors told us if we did not, she would continue to lie there, being kept alive by machines. We knew she wouldn’t want to live that way. For whatever reason, we thought she would pass immediately. But she didn’t. She kept fighting on her own from Friday at lunch until Tuesday morning, when she took her last breath. My family and I had to return to Georgia on Sunday, and we were not able to return for her funeral. I was HEARTBROKEN over this, but before I left I said my goodbyes and gave her an extra long hug, for what I knew would be the last time. 🙁 My fiance told her he’d take good care of her granddaughter. I am still not over her loss, but if I could offer any advice, it would be to let your grandmother know that you are there for her in any way possible. Call her often to check on her. When you are able, go and visit with her. Do you know any of her neighbors? If so, get in contact with them and ask them to keep a check on her. We did all of that for my grandfather because we want to make sure he is taken care of as well. We call him every day or every other day to see how he is. Even though we are not able to be there physically, he knows that we love him and care about his well being. Sometimes just telling someone that you are there for them goes a long way.

I am very sorry for your loss. 🙁

Post # 6
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

im so sorry for your loss 🙁 funerals can be a major part of our grieving ritual and its unfair that you cant go to his. i think while the funeral is going on tomorrow, you should take some time to honor your grandfather on your own. maybe talk to Darling Husband about the things you loved about him, what you will miss etc.

as for your grandmother, since you cant be there in person to comfort her, what about sending her a package of some sort? since she is going blind, maybe an audio tape with a message of support and some of those memories of grandpa?

Post # 7
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@arabesque0128:  I got chills reading your post because my grandparents would have been married 61 years on November 24th. Weird right?!

I think going to see her for the holidays is a great idea! Being alone on the holidays after having just lost someone tends to enhance the lonliness. We were immensely worried about my grandfather in the days before my grandmas passing because of some weird comments he made, but although he is heartbroken, he had a lot of time to prepare for her loss. She had been going downhill for 3 years. He was ready for it to be over by the time it happened. He wanted my grandma to be at peace.

Post # 8
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@arabesque0128 Sorry for your loss! Hugs!

When my grandfather died I was overseas too (in school) and unable to attend the funeral, it was the week of finals and just crazy! So, I can relate to your circumstances. I think its soo nice what you are trying to do, perhaps you can send a fruit basket or edible arrangement instead of flowers. And also be sure to call your grandmother either the day of or the day after the funeral, maybe even also mail a card or letter that you can arrange to have someone read to her and then visit her when you can as planned.  Life is crazy at times and hopefully the people in your family will understand the situation that you are in. Please dont feel guilty, your heart is definitely in the right place and thats a beautiful thing.


Post # 10
365 posts
Helper bee

Could you go visit your grandmother some other time in the near future? With all the visitors and everything happening right around funeral time, there might be so much going on anyway that you wouldn’t get to spend much 1:1 time with her… but in a few weeks, when things start getting lonelier, it might be nice to have a family member drop in again.

I didn’t get to attend my grandmother’s funeral, because of some scheduling issues… but I went up and visited with my family anyway a few days later. I still got to ‘honor’ her through listening to their stories and talking with them about her.

Just find some time to think about your grandfather, and try to talk to your grandmother about him when you get the chance. I learned so many neat things I never knew about my grandpa, after his funeral.

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