Post # 1
This year, I’ll be graduating with my B.A. in English. Which means that me and my S/O, who I’ve been with for 8 years now, will finally be able to get engaged, having kept our promise to wait until we were both done with college. The only thing I’m not looking forward too? Having my two older sisters as my bridesmaids.
I feel obligated to have them in the wedding, especially since I was in one of theirs (the other had a private ceremony at her honeymoon destination), but I’m honestly not close to either of them. Through-out the years, they often visited each other, but never me (despite only being two hours away). They rarely call, rarely talk to me, and don’t seem to have any idea of what who I am/my life/anything about me. I’ve tried to re-build a relationship with them, but without much luck, and gave up a while ago.
They’re my sisters, and I love them and wish we were closer, but I’ll be honest, they’re both kind of judgemental and bitchy. Nothing I do is ever good enough for them, including my relationship. While my oldest sister doesn’t mind my S/O, my second oldest doesn’t like him at all, insists that it’s wrong of us to have waited so long to get engaged and that he’s just “never planning to propose”, and thinks I should date one of HER friends instead. (If you are picking up a controlling vibe here…you are correct.)
I know my wedding will not be good enough for them. I know they’ll look down on it. I’ll be absolutely shocked if they DON’T react that way. Yet I feel obligated to have them beside me, during the moments when I’m supposed to be enjoying wedding prep, enjoying the excitement of our new chapter. And I feel guilty for not wanting them there. If I could, I would have my four closet friends with me, and I know I would have an AMAZING time because it is ALWAYS an amazing time with them. I’d laugh so much that my make up would probably have to get touched up.
Meanwhile, the thought of spending my bridal time with my two sisters gives me anxiety. Whoo boy.
Post # 2
caitlinjonne : Don’t invite them, them not being supportive of your relationship is reason enough as far as I am concerned.
Post # 3
Don’t ask them. Life’s short. It’s stupid to make yourself miserable out of a false sense of obligation. And it sounds like they probably aren’t dying to be in your wedding party anyway.
Post # 4
I don’t really see how having them as bridesmaids would affect your day, it isn’t an either/or situation and you can still have your friends as bridesmaids too. That said you don’t have to include your sisters either.
Post # 5
zzar45 : I guess 6 bridesmaids isn’t terribly excessive if I had my four friends + my two sisters. I worried that it would be too much, and I’m not sure we’d have enough groomsmen to match, but I think that might be the best solution. It avoids the unnecessary drama from *not* inviting them while still having my closet friends with me. Having them there might act as a bit of a buffer, too. Thanks!
Post # 6
Learn from others mistakes: don’t ask anyone you are even a little bit hesitant to have your bridal party because of obligation or inevitably it will turn into a shit show.
I was obligated to ask my SIL and regretted the whole thing from day one because she was such a PITA.
Post # 7
caitlinjonne : I didn’t have any of my sisters as bridesmaids. I have five of them. If I had one, I woud have had to ask them all, and I wasn’t about to either cut close friends, or have an excessively large bridal party.
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
As a bride you have no obligation to ask anyone to be a part of your wedding you don’t want. The same goes for women being asked to be bridesmaids. You have the right to say no.
Post # 9
caitlinjonne : 6 isn’t too much, even if there’s an uneven amount on each side. I’m having 5 bridesmaids and there will only be 3 groomsmen. I figure 2 of the groomsmen can each walk down the aisle with 2 bridesmaids on their arm!
Post # 10
You don’t have to ask them to be bridesmaids. It’s not mandatory to have siblings and if you’re not that close they may not expect it anyway.
If you feel like it will cause too much drama by not having them ask your 4 friends as well. That way they can act as a sort of buffer between you and your sisters and they won’t feel they have to host any of the pre parties.
Hopefully your friends’ positivity and enthusiasm will block out your sisters negativity so that it doesn’t ruin the experience for you. Keep in mind though that if they’re difficult people even things like picking a dress could get more complicated.
Post # 11
Ask your sisters and your friends.
Post # 12
caitlinjonne : I can only tell you what I would do in your place. Since you say you wish for a closer relationship one day, and because to me, weddings are family occasions, I would have your sisters stand up with you. That doesn’t mean you are obligated to shop with them, get dressed together, or invite them to every pre-wedding event hosted by or for friends.
The sides do not have to be even and should not be if numbers don’t work out that way naturally.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
You don’t have to have a wedding party at all if you’re worried about it and balancing sides. I’m not having one.
Post # 14
If you wish for a closer relationship, leaving them out of the bridal party will surely have the opposite effect. It’s important to remember that while it’s your choice to pick the BMs, you will have to deal with family members for many years to com. Your wedding is just one day and I don’t see how a couple of sisters would be able to suck the joy outnof it – unless you let them. You’re going to be anxious about a lot of things, it’s not like yout sisters will be front and center in your thoughts. Also I assume that if you did not have them in the bridal party they would still be invited as guests, and they could still make remarks about your wedding.
Post # 15
I don’t think you have to ask them. You weren’t even invited to one of their weddings.. you are absolutely not obligated..
If they are going to make it miserable for you – just don’t do it! It’s your one day – let it and the lead up to it be amazing.
give them a reading or something to do instead if you have to – but again, absolutely not obligated.
To be honest, it doesn’t even sound like they would enjoy it either anyways.. so why put you all through it?