Obligated Bridesmaids

posted 7 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Hostess
8417 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

caitlinjonne :  Don’t invite them, them not being supportive of your relationship is reason enough as far as I am concerned. 

Post # 3
Member
9610 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t ask them. Life’s short. It’s stupid to make yourself miserable out of a false sense of obligation. And it sounds like they probably aren’t dying to be in your wedding party anyway.

Post # 4
Member
5376 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t really see how having them as bridesmaids would affect your day, it isn’t an either/or situation and you can still have your friends as bridesmaids too.  That said you don’t have to include your sisters either. 

Post # 6
Hostess
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Learn from others mistakes: don’t ask anyone you are even a little bit hesitant to have your bridal party because of obligation or inevitably it will turn into a shit show. 

I was obligated to ask my SIL and regretted the whole thing from day one because she was such a PITA. 

Post # 7
Member
47200 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

caitlinjonne :  I didn’t have any of my sisters as bridesmaids. I have five of them. If I had one, I woud have had to ask them all, and I wasn’t about to either cut close friends, or have an excessively large bridal party.

Post # 8
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

As a bride you have no obligation to ask anyone to be a part of your wedding you don’t want. The same goes for women being asked to be bridesmaids. You have the right to say no.

Post # 9
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

caitlinjonne :  6 isn’t too much, even if there’s an uneven amount on each side. I’m having 5 bridesmaids and there will only be 3 groomsmen. I figure 2 of the groomsmen can each walk down the aisle with 2 bridesmaids on their arm!

Post # 10
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee

 You don’t have to ask them to be bridesmaids. It’s not mandatory to have siblings and if you’re not that close they may not expect it anyway. 

If you feel like it will cause too much drama by not having them ask your 4 friends as well. That way they can act as a sort of buffer between you and your sisters and they won’t feel they have to host any of the pre parties. 

Hopefully your friends’ positivity and enthusiasm will block out your sisters negativity so that it doesn’t ruin the experience for you. Keep in mind though that if they’re difficult people even things like picking a dress could get more complicated. 

Post # 11
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Ask your sisters and your friends. 

Post # 12
Member
11967 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

caitlinjonne :  I can only tell you what I would do in your place. Since you say you wish for a closer relationship one day, and because to me, weddings are family occasions, I would have your sisters stand up with you. That doesn’t mean you are obligated to shop with them, get dressed together, or invite them to every pre-wedding event hosted by or for friends.  

The sides do not have to be even and should not be if numbers don’t work out that way naturally.

Post # 13
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

You don’t have to have a wedding party at all if you’re worried about it and balancing sides. I’m not having one. 

Post # 14
Member
3917 posts
Honey bee

If you wish for a closer relationship, leaving them out of the bridal party will surely have the opposite effect. It’s important to remember that while it’s your choice to pick the BMs, you will have to deal with family members for many years to com. Your wedding is just one day and I don’t see how a couple of sisters would be able to suck the joy outnof it – unless you let them. You’re going to be anxious about a lot of things, it’s not like yout sisters will be front and center in your thoughts. Also I assume that if you did not have them in the bridal party they would still be invited as guests, and they could still make remarks about your wedding.

Post # 15
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you have to ask them. You weren’t even invited to one of their weddings.. you are absolutely not obligated..

If they are going to make it miserable for you – just don’t do it! It’s your one day – let it and the lead up to it be amazing.

give them a reading or something to do instead if you have to – but again, absolutely not obligated.

To be honest, it doesn’t even sound like they would enjoy it either anyways.. so why put you all through it?

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