Obligated Bridesmaids

posted 4 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I wouldn’t ask them to be bridesmaids. Give them another role instead if they’ll be hurt to not be included in the wedding, like doing a reading.

Post # 17
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

caitlinjonne :  I would not have them. I totally understand, they are your sisters, your family. You were in their parties. But that doesn’t mean they have to stand up for you. You want to have not only your wedding day surrounded by people who love and support you but your wedding planning as well. I can already see your stress levels rising by involving them in any sort of wedding planning (sounds liek they would stick their noses in it!)

Perhaps you can find another way to honour them? Maybe they can do a fun sister speech during the reception? Or a reading during the ceremony? Maybe ask them to surprise you with a fun dance or something during the reception!

I would definitely look at ways to involve them in the wedding and have them feel honoured, while not having to incldue them in your bridal party, the planning or the wedding morning. Surround yourself with people who love, support and respect you. You want to feel uplifted on this day, not stressed that your year+ of planning ‘isn’t good enough’.

Post # 18
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I understand this as me and my sister are not very close. I would have been in a similar position if I’d had a big enough wedding…we made ours so small that there was no need for a bridal party so there was no issue.

I can understand the pressure to include them, especially since one of them included you…but I’m of a strong opinion towards – this wedding is about you and your soon to be husband. Do what makes the two of you happy. Ignore the “traditions” you don’t love and make it special for you.

Especially the fact that you said you have 4 close friends to be your bridal party! All you have to do is mention that you don’t want a huge bridal party and have decided to just stick with the 4 friends and leave it at that! 🙂 

Post # 19
Member
605 posts
Busy bee

caitlinjonne :  I have 5 sisters, so I’m either doing just them or friends in addition which would be about 9-10 total. 6 is not excessive lol 

Post # 20
Member
7888 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

gunnabamissus :  

“Maybe they can do a fun sister speech during the reception?...Maybe ask them to surprise you with a fun dance or something during the reception

I don’t mean to snarky but –  What !?  Did you read the OP properly? If she  thought  they were capable of doing  those sorts of things, she’d have no problem in asking  them to be bridesmaids. 

Post # 21
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You don’t have to ask them to be bridesmaids. You’re an adult, and you don’t have to make choices you don’t want to make to please people who aren’t the ones living your life. 

That said, if you are looking to improve your relationship with them in the future, I’d consider including them, as not doing so would make achieving that goal harder. If you’re not interested in improving your relationship with them, have whoever you want as a bridesmaid. 

Post # 22
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

elderbee :  I did read her post. I have a person in my family who is very similar to what the OP described. She can be very rude, judgemental and bitchy all the time. Except at events and social gatherings. She has to put on an appeared so everyone thinks she’s just the most wonderful thing. I suspect OP’s sisters are likely the same, they will want some sort of special honour if they are not bridesmaids so they can show off to everyone what wonderful sisters they are. Something like a sister speech or dance would allow them to be honored and show off, while not being tied to the bride all day, which is what she doesn’t want!

Post # 24
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

caitlinjonne :  It seems to be a common thing, people who are openly rude and difficult and critical of others, while also wanting to always appear as the most amazing version of themselves. I notice it a lot these days, especially with wedding planning.

That’s why I suggested having them do something to feel honoured, while also not being all in your face while you plan or on your big day. I feel like they would cause you so much mroe stress if they were way more involved and I’m sure you’ll have enough to deal with!

Whatever you decide, I hope they don’t stress you out and always remember your wedding will be amazing no matter what! Good luck!

Post # 25
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

“Meanwhile, the thought of spending my bridal time with my two sisters gives me anxiety.” 

You don’t have to invite them to be your bridemaids. You can just invite them to your wedding. Not all sisters end up as bridesmaids.

Post # 26
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Don’t ask them. Just because people are related to you doesn’t mean they automatically get a place in your wedding. 

Post # 27
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

I actually dont think youre obligated to ask them to be bridesmaid. My fiance did ask his brother to be a groomsmen because they arent close.  I’m an only child so i dont have to deal with that..

That being said, sometimes weddings can bring people closer.  Would you consider asking them for that reason? No gaurantee it will work but it tends to bring the bridal party closer together.

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