Obligated to babysit? Is this a thing?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
840 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like they’re not doing their part of being parents. While it’s great that they have family who are willing to help them, by no means should any of them be “obligated” to take care of kids who aren’t their own. You’re right, you’re not the ones who made the decision to raise children so there’s no reason you should be parenting for them. Your life doesn’t revolve around them or their kids, it’s ridiculous that anyone expects you to sacrifice your time/life just for them when you never asked to be involved in the first place.

Post # 3
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Bar Harbor Inn

You’re not obligated to. At all. I will say that they probably need help, are stressed and are asking for help in all the wrong ways and I get why you’d be sour. It is not your problem but they are your family and family depends on family in times of need. I think this is a communication issue more than anything. If they came to you and Fiance saying, “look we know you’ve got a crazy schedule but need help watching little one, is there any time you and Fiance could do?” I’m sure your probably feel differently. If they came to you like that you’d still have the right to say no. But if you feel like your answer might be different, then don’t carry on the cycle of negative communication and work with them to see if there’s something you two can do to help out. 

Post # 4
923 posts
Busy bee

Um, no, not your obligation AT ALL. You aren’t the ones who decided to have the kids, they are not your responsibility. SIL is not entitled to your time or your DH’s.

Post # 5
9666 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

The only people obligated to watch the kids are the parents. You have your own lives, I assume they didn’t consult you on thier decision to have the children, so no there’s absolutely no obligation on your or your fiancé’s part to babysit.

Thier attitude would turn me off as well and I certainly wouldn’t be going out of my way to babysit for them.

Post # 6
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think that unless they are both working 60+ hours on the night shift, then they need to step off. They decided to have kids & it sounds as is they are already getting considerable help with their children from your Brother-In-Law and their parents. No need to try to make you feel guilty. 

Post # 7
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

SIL is super entitled. She & the father decided to birth these children so it’s no ones responsibility or obligation but her own and their father. Don’t let her guilt you guys into doing things you don’t have the time to do. You’re dealing with enough without having to worry about taking care of children who aren’t your own. 

Post # 8
3438 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Absolutely not your obligation. Ever. Raising children is the sole responsibility of those who brought them into the world. 

Post # 9
6571 posts
Bee Keeper

I dont understand why people have kids if they dont want to/cant look after them. NO it is not your job. I would not do anything different tbh. 

Post # 10
428 posts
Helper bee

That’s a hard no. Not your responsibility or obligation. It is nice when family can help out in a time of need, though her approach is flawed and it doesn’t sound like you and your partner have the time or energy right now. Where is the children’s father? 

Post # 11
1276 posts
Bumble bee

if they need the whole family to babysit their child, they should not have had one. Have they ever asked or do they assume that all of you have an urge to babysit and you would be fighting over the baby?

Post # 12
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Ummmm NO. No one is “obligated” to those children but their parents. Yes, it’s very nice when family helps out but by no means are they under any obligation to do so. 

Post # 13
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Definitely not your job to babysit. I would wonder if this is a cultural thing since I think some cultures have greater reliance of extended family.  In any case it sounds like y’all have enough on your plate, so try not to worry about them.

Post # 14
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Only people who “did their part” in conceiving the child have a part in raising the child. If you don’t get to tell them not to have kids then why the f would you  have to take care of the kids? 

Post # 15
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Heck No! You don’t have to do anything. Especially with an attitude like that. They are not your kids. What are the parents doing? They better call a babysitter.

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