Obligated to babysit? Is this a thing?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

anabolina :  And cultural issues come into conflict when someone is trying to reap all the benefits of a culture and do none of the work. I’m not hearing any of that cultural money where the patriarch is responsible for resources for the lower generations, so he can fuck off with the cultural free child care. 

Post # 17
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

I’m so confused. Do you live with the parents? Does your fiance? Is this part of a live-in arrangement that you wipe kids butts and give them bottles in the middle of the night while the parents sleep in?  If the no, then the answer is heck no. If the living arrangement part is written, and those things aren’t happening, I can see why they might be upset and hoping for a little more help around the house.

But if you don’t live there, and he doesn’t live there, how can they expect you to be part-time caretakers for their children? I feel bad for the kids with these parents…. they are going to raise them to be just as entitled as they are.

Post # 18
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

Umm no. The only people that are OBLIGATED to care for the children are the children’s parents, no one else. Sure, it’s nice when family helps out but the only person that should feel like they have to care for the children are the parents. 

Post # 19
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

beetothesea :  Hell to the no. Where are the parents during the day, why aren’t they watching the kid? The only people who are responsible to take care of a child are their parents. No matter if I was super busy or not, it’s not my responsibility to be at someone else’s beck and call to raise their kid. Why have a baby if you can’t care for it appropriately without immense help?

Post # 20
Member
7628 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

beetothesea :  your SIL sucks. No one except for her, the father of her children, and anyone they hire for cash money are obligated to take care of them. It’s nice when friends and family help out, but it should never be expected! 

Post # 21
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

beetothesea :  LOL! omg. they are insane. True story. I’ve baby sat exactly 1 time in the 7 years I’ve had nephews or neices, and it was for my sister, and the kid was asleep the whole time. If they are truly in a bind I would but they all live about 30-40 minutes from me, and I work a lot so any time off I have I like to spend with my friends and husband.

Tell them to eff off. lol. You are not obligated to babysit. And now that I am pregnant, I am really anti babysitting…enjoying the rest of my kid free life until june!!

I do spend a lot of time with my neices and nephwes, I love them, but its when we are all together.  

Post # 22
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

Heck no! You are not obligated to care for any child but your own. I wasn’t even obligated to watch my younger sisters. My mom offered and told me how much per hour she would pay me. 

 

Post # 23
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

You”re not obligated to do anything. And SIL should be very thankful when you offer to babysit. My SIL has the same expectations as yours. And piled onto that is ‘of course everyone would want to babysit my son- he’s so cute and amazing!’. 

Husband got into an argument that no- we don’t have to and she threw a fit… badmouthed us to family- but- she doesn’t harrass us to look after her darling kid.

Don’t feel guilty for ‘not doing your part’ *eye roll* and don’t let her badger you into doing something you wouldn’t want.

Post # 24
Member
4878 posts
Honey bee

That’s not a thing. At all. Sure they can ask if you can babysit. Key word is ask. 

Post # 25
Member
4878 posts
Honey bee

Plus maybe ask if they are “doing their part” to understand your FIs depression. Calling him lazy for having depression would piss me off enough to say something and not help.  How ignorant of them. 

Post # 26
Member
4878 posts
Honey bee

Or “sure, my rate  is $x per hour.” 

Post # 27
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

No that is ridiculous!!! I am a mother of an 8 year old and 11 year old and I have never expected anyone to babysit for me. If I’ve ever had to ask for help I definitely don’t expect that they will automatically say yes. 

Post # 28
Member
8809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

beetothesea :  No, that’s ridiculous. I don’t understand this part though: “FI’s brother lives with SIL and is essentially a live in babysitter right now.” Is this the kids’ dad or another brother? If it’s another brother, why do they need even more babysitters? If it’s the kids’ dad, being a dad isn’t babysitting. But that still doesn’t mean everyone else in the world owes them babysitting.

Post # 29
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Family offering to babysit is a LUXURY and they should be grateful for what’s already being done by others. They should not EXPECT anything. Having kids mean the parents are 100% responsible and should be planning each child accordingly. If they don’t have enough babysitters, that is on themselves, not you.

Post # 30
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

They’re nuts!! Not your circus, not your monkeys.

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