Obligated to babysit? Is this a thing?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Nope. They pop out crotch gobblins, it’s their job to watch and raise them. No one elses. 

We don’t watch my Fiance brothers 5 kids. They aren’t ours to care for. If we have kids, we wont ask them to watch ours. 

Post # 48
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, the entitlement! Did I miss the part where you joined a commune and everyone decided SIL would be the breeder for the community and pop out babies for everyone? Because of course, they couldn’t possibly be asking you to take responsiblity for their choices in life! They had 3 kids clkose together, she works 1 day a week, there is zero reason she should need help. And if she needs help then she should either ask politely or pay someone!!!

 

Post # 49
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

beetothesea :  dayum I would be miffed too.

I also had the thought of, ‘she didn’t decide to have kids for you’ in my head as I was reading this. Mental illness, addiction, all of it…they are tough eggs to crack and it takes true love to understand and be kind. I’m so glad your partner has you to support him, his family seems to be ignorant about these things which is sad. I think you two need to put your foot down the next time they ‘yell at you’ for their lack of child rearing. I get it. Kids are hard, but again, you did not make them have kids, they had them. And now they get to reap what they sowed (no pun intended). So, basically, ‘I work second shift and can’t afford any time to babysit now” should be perfectly acceptable or “partner isn’t feeling well at the moment”. No apologies necessary. If they push it or actually yell, I would say, ‘i will not talk to you when you are being like this. Please call me back when you have calmed down. I am hanging up now’. I have done it. It works.

The key is to say it politely and calmly.

Also, repetition works. “i can’t watch the kids today” ‘but you guys don’t watch them enough WAWA” “I can’t watch the kids today, is there anything else?’ ‘well I dont understand why you cant watch them’ ‘i have to go now, I’m hanging up’. 

Good luck to you!!

Post # 51
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

lol at the update. 

I would ignore these people. “These people” consists of all adults who insist that you are somehow the other of your SILs children and the owner of her home. 

If they keep arguing, send them a biology book with a note explaining that you are certain you are not the mother of these children. 

Post # 52
Member
7743 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My 2 SIL’s have asked me to watch their kids once EACH in the 10 years I’ve been with Darling Husband. One asked me to watch her kids while she had to go to court one day. The other was running a marathon and didn’t have a sitter. Both were like pretty rare occurrences so I had no problem with it. Your SIL is nuts.

Post # 53
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Frankly it doesn’t even matter if you and your fiancé were both free all day with no jobs and no health problems, you STILL wouldn’t be obligated to babysit children that are not yours. 

Post # 54
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Nope. They want someone to babysit and do their chores for them, they should find someone who doesn’t have a full time job, and pay them.

I say that as someone from a culture where it’s expected that the generations help each other – the grandparents help raise the kids, the parents take care of the grandparents. They still come across as kind of entitled.

Post # 55
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

You work so many hours in the day. More than average. I am not sure why people feel entitled about this. I would say no and be honest… YOU ARE TIRED. 

Post # 56
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

beetothesea :  The only people who have any responsibility in taking care of the kids are the kid’s parents.  It is not your job and it should not just be expected – that’s silly! 

Families do babysit for their relatives but it is a KINDNESS  not a JOB.

Post # 57
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee

beetothesea :  Wow, entitled much? No, none of them are your responsibility or problem. The fact you help at all is amazing and should be appreciated, what other family members do to help is their choice. Your free time is your free time, chill down time doesn’t mean become a crèche. 

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