(Closed) Obligated to pick his sister for bridal party?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If its really THAT important to him. Add her in, but don’t take any of your girls out. It’s his wedding too, and it would save a lot of hurt feelings.

 

That being said, it’s the bride who gets to choose. It’s not tradition for the grooms sisters to be in the weddiby party. He’s just saying that. Most likely to convince you to add her in. Though that’s not the way to do it, it must be because its important to him

Post # 4
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree with the PP if it is that important to him I would ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

Post # 5
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Tough love: It sounds like you’re jealous of his sister and decided you don’t like her for silly reasons. You don’t know her that well and here’s your chance. She’s going to be YOUR sister soon too. I asked my future sister-in-law (she lives across the country and I had only met her a handfull of times) to be a bridesmaid and she was so thrilled and it has already brought us much closer. Sure, your experience might not be quite as great but I really don’t think it will be negative unless you make it negative. Sorry, but you need to put on your big girl pants, change your attitude about this girl and include her in your wedding party.

Post # 6
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Its important to your fiance, add her as a bridesmaid.

Post # 7
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

My friend had her brothers (and my FI) up on her side, along with her bridesmaids. Her groom had his groomsmen and his two sisters on his side. He could add her on his side, and if you have a brother he can stand on yours… or something. Just an idea. 

 

If it really meant that much to him, I’d add her in there.

Post # 8
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Since you don’t know her I am not sure why your so opposed to having her? From what you said it sounded like she was upset she was out of the loop about him about to propose, not that he proposed to you specifically.

Post # 9
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@awolfpaw:  He’s absolutely wrong on this. They’re your maids, it’s your choice.

 

HOWEVER! If he’s always imagined his sister standing up with him, what on earth is the matter with him asker her to be is groomswoman? It’s important to him, he should be the one to say so. He doesn’t have the right to force her into your bridal party (especially given how weird she was when you got engaged)

 

That way, he will be the one responsible for her, and spending time with her before the big day. Win/win.

Post # 10
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If it really means that much to him to include her, why doesn’t he have her on his side?  Darling Husband wanted his sister to be his best “man”, but she put us on the spot when she declined and said she’d prefer to be a bridesmaid (which wasn’t really being presented as an option, but…. it worked out ok).

Post # 12
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@awolfpaw:  Yeah…. after your response, (and while trying to not get into who’s rigth and wrong) I think you guys just have to talk this one out until you reach a conclusion.

 

You already have 5 very close friends you want to invite. I think of the two of you, he’s being the least compromising (must be in wedding party, can’t be on my side, ect.) but obviously one of you is going to have to budge.

 

I don’t think either of you necessarily HAS to be hurt. One of you jsut has to change your mind. Is it an option to include future sister-in law in another portion of your ceremony?

Post # 13
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ps- remind your fiance that he’s always pictured his sister in his wedding, but you’ve always pictured your girls with you.

 

If you guys want to get through this fair and square, it has to be a conversation started with the understanding that NEITHER of you can guilt trip the other into getting your way (which honestly, he has done already) and that BOTH of you have to agree on this. Right now, I tihnk his inability to compromise is what’s holding you up, not yours.

Post # 14
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@awolfpaw:  I’d tell him if he wants her, then the bridal parties will be uneven. He can’t have it both ways, you guys need to talk about this and compromise.

Post # 15
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t have a sister, but Fiance does.  Based on her behavior in the two years prior to our engagement I seriously considered not making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Even though Future Mother-In-Law would have freaked if I didn’t make her one, Fiance would often tell her “you better be nicer to her or she won’t ask you to be a BM” and having him in my corner really helped because he was making it clear to his sister and mother that his future family would be with me.  If he had said “you must have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man no matter what” I probably would have dug my heels in and not asked her.  In the end, I did end up making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man, not because we are really close now, but mostly for Fiance since he backed me up with her and to avoid drama with Future Mother-In-Law.

Honestly?  I think you need to communicate to your Fiance how it makes you feel that he is trying to force this on you.  It should be a decision the two of you arrive at together and you should definitely be open with him about your concerns about his sister and her attitude.  Rather than responding to his accusations of your selfishness, ask him how would he feel if you took your parents or siblings sides against him, because it kind of looks like he is acting as their advocate.  Will he trust you to take his feelings and his family’s feelings into consideration and back you to his family regardless of the outcome?

If he understands your concerns to some extent, then be gracious and include her even if it’s just to appease your future in laws.

ETA (because of more recent posts): He cannot be asking you to make all the concessions and hurt a friend by removing them.  I get that in wedding planning people latch on to certain things to be their “must, must, MUST” issues, but what is so wrong with six BMs?

Post # 16
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ok his response is stupid. If he wants her to stand with you then he can ask another guy or have one less on his side. He can’t expect you to axe someone because he likes a specific number.

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