Obligation to pay for hair/make-up to "get ready" with the bride

posted 2 years ago in Beauty
Post # 16
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I don’t understand why she made you book a more expensive room. It was also super shady of her to sign you up for a $300 commitment without telling you first. You’re not even a bridesmaid!! You are going to feel so awkward when all the maids are in matching robes and posing for pictures while you’re getting expensive makeup done only to be excluded. The bride clearly doesn’t care.

If you feel that strongly about not causing additional wedding stress, use the make up artist but don’t give a gift. Your subsidizing her make up artist (being the extra body she needs to keep the contract) and paying for the more expensive room (I am presuming it was part of a room block) is your gift enough

 This woman is a shady user and she sees you as an ATM rather than a friend. I’d cut her off after this. Once a user always a user.

Post # 17
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Between 300 for hair and makeup, and a pricey hotel stay id consider her gift money already spent.  Go ahead and get your hair and makeup did and give her a nice card filled with all the well wishes in the world for a long and happy marriage. 

Post # 18
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
BuzzedBumblingBee :  “You are going to feel so awkward when all the maids are in matching robes and posing for pictures while you’re getting expensive makeup done only to be excluded. The bride clearly doesn’t care”

I never even thought about that, that is going to be so awkward. You’d feel so crappy! What a selfish bride (assuming she is using OP without caring about these things)

 

Post # 20
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
sunburn :  Yeah I acknowledged it was dickish to not disclose the details. But I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt esp when it comes to problems of communicating details. The bride could have made assumptions that Bee knew what to expect. She could have bride-brain and was a bit too flippant, but not malicious or devious.

Regardless. There is no obligation to pay for anything.

Post # 21
Member
514 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I would have thought something was fishy with her asking in the first place. Usually getting ready in the hotel room is a special bonding time for the bride and her bridesmaids (and sometime MOTB and/or MOTG). I don’t know if this is a case of money-grabbing as what would the bride get out of this? And do hairdressers typically ask for a certain number of people? I’d imagine having one less person to do would be less stress for the artist to get everyone done? 

Post # 22
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t but that’s truly because I can’t afford throwing $300 around just prevent someone else’s brought-on-by-herself wedding stress.

if you have the means, maybe then consider it, but don’t put yourself in a bad financial situation just bc the bride doesn’t know how to communicate

Post # 23
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

View original reply
sweets2017 :  What a frustrating thing to have to stress about now! I’m really sorry! You have every right to say that no, it isn’t ok with you for her to schedule these services without discussing the cost with you. I remember that when it came to planning getting ready I discussed the costs involved with all of my bridesmaids to make sure they were comfortable with the costs and could choose what they wanted done and what they wanted to do themselves. It seems like common courtesy to have this conversation openly if it’s expected for the bridal party to pay for their services!

It sounds like you have already decided to eat the cost but I do worry that you’re setting yourself up for discomfort and disappointment in the day after paying for expensive hair and makeup that you could probably do just as well by yourself without actually being a part of the rest of the bridal party activities. If it is truly worth more to you to appease the bride then do so. If you think it might eat at you not to stand up for yourself and speak your mind- don’t be afraid to do that either. You just need to weigh which will mean more to you in the long run. 

Post # 25
Member
13931 posts
Honey Beekeeper

That is so rude. First, she was not even clear as to what she meant. For all you knew she could have been offering you the stylist for free because there was time and she was already paid for. Or just inviting you to get ready along with everyone else. 

For $300 she should have been very, very sure to discuss that up front. 

Bride or no bride, I would tell her you are sorry but you thought you were being invited, the cost or even the fact that there was one was never communicated to you, and you are not comfortable with it. Don’t let her take advantage of you. 

I suspect a bridesmaid dropped out of pro hair and makeup for the same reason, leaving her with an expense she wasn’t counting on. 

Like PPs, I don’t understand how she was able to pressure you into staying at a specific hotel. Suggest or recommend, sure, but exactly how was she able to require this? 

Post # 26
Member
5227 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
sbl99 :  And your scenario may be correct. It’s a glass half empty or half full situation – it all depends on your point of view. I tend to get general impressions from a post and might make an assumption that may not be fair. In this case my impression was that the OP is being used and that the bride was being dishonest. 

Post # 27
Member
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Why on earth is she asking someone not in her bridal party to get ready with her and get professional makeup? That was your first red flag. 

Second of all I live near Boston (which is an insanely expensive city) and my hair and makeup is 300 and I’m the bride. If my bridesmaids wanted to join it would only be 90 per person. So 300 is insane. 

If you go through with paying 300 for hair and makeup, DO NOT GET HER A WEDDING GIFT. That’s crazy. Get her a card with congrats and leave it at that. Oh and also she is a shit friend, id let her go and find real friends. You weren’t good enough to be in her wedding party but somehow your good enough to randomly pay for hair and makeup anyways… gross

Post # 28
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

My guess is the bride needed an extra body for a bulk discount, or she’s scamming OP and intends to keep part of the cash. Or the bride is getting the makeup done by a beauty school friend who needs to get more hours in. OR, she’s charging all her bridesmaids extra to subsidize the cost of her own makeup, and she needed another person to pitch in. Most likely #1.

The cost alone seems really shady, esp given what @msssb says. Once you get your hair and makeup done the bride will prob insist you tip the MUA on top of that, which would be $60 for a 20% tip. 

OP, if you’re still going to go along with this, you should tell the bride that the cost is outside your budget, and you’d like to negotiate directly with the MUA. Or make up some other excuse to find out who the MUA is, say you want to see their portfolio so you can pick a hairstyle. See if the bride will give you the MUA’s name so you can look them up. The bride prob won’t. Because this whole thing is SHADY. 

If a bride asked me to get ready with her, I would have assumed I’d be helping curl her hair, and we’d be doing our own makeup together, all low key, no bridesmaids. I would have NEVER assumed she’s be charging me a nonrefundable $300 at the last minute. 

Post # 29
Member
13931 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
sbl99 :  

“The bride could have made assumptions that Bee knew what to expect. She could have bride-brain and was a bit too flippant, but not malicious or devious.”

A reasonable person would have realized that that was not true as soon as OP corrected that assumption and taken responsibility. I agree with those who say she owed the hair and makeup people a minimum that was not yet reached. Otherwise what would be the big deal in cancelling? 

A real friend would never say “too bad” when there was no basis for the assumption or she realized she had done a poor job of communicating. 

Post # 30
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

OP, I had to log in for this. It’s not about us being “cool”, it’s about you getting bullied out of your money. First with the hotel room, now with this unwanted hair and makeup and who knows what else during the course of this “friendship”. She does not care about YOU, only about how being acquainted to you can benefit her. Yes, acquainted because open your eyes OP, she does not see you as a friend in any way. How long are you going to keep it going and feel guilted out of your money each time you deal with this user? She gets what she wants, you sit down at the reception thinking about the $$$ hotel room, $$$ hair and make up, the $$$ gift because I don’t believe one bit that you are not going to feel like you SHOULD cover your plate + a little premium for your friendship as she spent all this money, and you’re trying to help her because it must have been so stressful for her yada yada… I see my former – and according to my SO, still current – self in you and I just want to shake your shoulders!

 

It’s time to face the reality bee. Take your phone and type “No, I can’t. I never signed up for $300 hair and makeup. I will let you get ready with your bridesmaids. See you at the ceremony”. Close your eyes and hit Send. Clearly you do value her friendship at more than $300 hair/MUA + $$$ hotel room + $$$ gift to put it in blunt terms. Let’s see if she values your friendship @ $300 or whether her “wedding vision” is more important. Come back here tell us what she said. If I were you, I would plan on hitting the pool that day (tomorrow?) because she’s going to show you she ain’t not your friend.

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