Obligation to pay for hair/make-up to "get ready" with the bride

posted 2 years ago in Beauty
Post # 31
3621 posts
Sugar bee

Can you provide more details about the statement below?

I’m already annoyed that she made me book a much more expensive hotel room than I normally would have chosen for myself, but I sucked it up since I thought I could better afford it than her other guests and space is limited. 

If space was limited, why did you book the expensive room? Why not leave it for someone else?

If she “made” you book it, was it to reach her minimum number of rooms she contracted with the hotel? If so, she is NOT YOUR FRIEND and is looking at you as a wallet so she doesn’t have to pay for her obligations. The hotel and now the hair/makeup. That’s bullshit.

Post # 32
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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sweets2017 :  $300 from EVERYBODY? What the hell does she plan to have done? No! I wouldn’t do it, that’s the kind of money you would spend for your OWN wedding if you wished not for someone else’s especially if they were not clear upfront in any way.

But if I were you I would have asked more questions from the beginning……

Smh at how some brides act so entitled, I’m getting married next month and I would never ask such a thing of my bridesmaids/friends. I made it clear to them from the start that I wanted this to be affordable and comfortable for everyone. I don’t think it’s fair to ask others to invest such a high amount of money into someone else’s wedding no matter how close you are. 

Post # 33
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

$300 for hair and makeup?? There’s no way I would agree to this, she’s massively out of order signing you up for that without checking the amount with you first.

How will you be paying for this? Via her or directly with the makeup and hair stylists? I’m suspicious that she’s getting some kind of discount for herself via these bookings or is overcharging you because $300 is ridiculous and she’s seems extremely pushy and shady, telling you you can’t cancel, not disclosing the price first, pushing you into paying for an expensive room etc. I think she may be benefiting from this somehow tbh, maybe getting money off for herself or she would have to pay for the empty rooms if they’re not booked etc? 

Post # 34
9591 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

$300 that’s a hard pass. i didn’t even pay that for my own wedding. my make up was $75 (all others were $50 each) and hair was $50 each.  I live in a suburbs of a major city and i paid for everyone.

if you break down cost, each took us about 45 minutes.  that’s a pay rate of $66/hour.  that’sa huge salary.



your friend is really rude.  let her eat the $300 cost, you already paid more for the room which is don’t understand how that happened.

Post # 35
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Wow, I feel cheap. One of my bridesmaids who does makeup as a hobby did my makeup AND my hair would’ve (my hairdresser did it for free) cost me like $65 including a tip. No way in hell I’d be paying $300. I also felt beautiful AF on my wedding day and didn’t spend a dime.

Yeah, you’re friend is being shady about the money thing BUT as someone else pointed out – you should’ve asked how much it cost upfront before committing. “Aww, sounds like fun! Thanks for asking me, how much do you think it’ll cost just so I can be prepared?”

A firm response is definitely needed – “Sorry, I wasn’t anticipating it to cost that much and I’m already paying for a hotel (+whatever else expenses) and it doesn’t fit my budget. I’m so sorry, but I’ll just do my own hair and makeup and let you enjoy the morning with your bridesmaids.” 

I wouldn’t feel bad for backing out and sticking her with a $300 bill if she did indeed need you to fill a spot with a contract. Ultimately it is your decision, if you decide to still go through with it I would not be giving her a wedding gift. If she’s petty enough to ask why you didn’t get her a wedding gift/card – “Oh, sorry. I assumed me paying to get ready with you and spending (whatever amount) time with you was my gift to you!”

Post # 36
762 posts
Busy bee

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BuzzedBumblingBee :  
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lajoliebee :  
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sunburn :  

I’m going to join team glass half empty on this one. 

OP, btw the hotel and the hair & MUA she belatedly wants to include you in, this sounds shady AF. It sounds like she’s using you to reduce her own costs/ get a better deal for herself. 

Also this: 

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BuzzedBumblingBee : ” You are going to feel so awkward when all the maids are in matching robes and posing for pictures while you’re getting expensive makeup done only to be excluded. The bride clearly doesn’t care.”

I hired a hairstylist for the morning of my wedding for myself and my wedding party but I paid for it, including the tip. My daughter did my make-up and other members of the wedding party did their own as we got ready together. We had champagne and orange juice and I remember it fondly as a fun, relaxing time before the wedding, but no way would I have expected my wedding party to help pay for something that was my choice to do. I’ve also been in weddings where the bride will say something like “I’m getting my hair done at ______ salon (or at the hotel, or bride’s home etc) at 8 am, anyone wanting to join me please let me know so they know how much time/ how many stylists to book” Which is totally fine as the bride has made this completely optional for anyone interested, zero pressure. 

You’re worried about stressing the bride out OP, which normally would be very considerate- but this has crossed the line into allowing her to walk all over you. She’s taking advantage of your niceness and sounds more like a typical selfish user than a true friend. 

Post # 37
990 posts
Busy bee

I had a pricey hair and makeup team in Manhattan and each bridesmaid hair and makeup was $250 and that’s more than pretty much everyone I read on the bee and most of he weddings I’ve been in. I paid because *I* picked the service and also I needed each attendant and mom to have both hair and makeup done so they would send 4 stylists (had 7 + me). So since I wanted the 4 stylists I paid. 

Your friend is being shady, and something isn’t passing the sniff test. $300 and you’re the only non-BM who has the “honor” of paying to get your hair and makeup done? I really think you’re being taken advantage of.

Post # 38
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How can you not cancel any service? You can always cancel. You may have to pay a fee, but you can always cancel. Ask her if you can have the information of the HMU, so you can discuss your cancellation fees. My guess is she will make an excuse why you can’t because she is full of SHIT! 

I logged on to beg you to stop being a doormat. You are not easing her stress. You don’t want a confrontation with her because she bullies and steamrolls over you clearly. No more. This ends today. My bet is that your whole relationship has some variance of this same scenario, but now this gross bully has the veil of “bride” to hide under. Stand up for yourself and end the cycle. 

Post # 39
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

OP – I’m so curious to know how this went down. If you aren’t going to tell the bride to shove it and decline the hair and makeup (which you absolutely should do) then I agree with goirishgirl’s suggestion that you consider this obnoxious bride’s gift your completed hair and makeup and only give her a card. If she asks you about it (because, at this point, she sounds just that tacky), I’d tell her directly- I spent your gift budget on my face! And laugh at her.

These kinds of posts always trip me out. How do you not get pissed about someone taking advantage of you and spending your money like their own? Where’s your outrage? How often do people play you with zero consequences?

Post # 40
841 posts
Busy bee

The fact that you’re not even a bridesmaid puts the nail in the coffin for me. I would say “I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication but I never agreed to pay $300 for hair and makeup. I won’t be doing that. I think it would be better if you and your bridesmaids spent that time together and I got ready separately”

Post # 41
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I agree this is the biggest insult of all. OP wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid but she has to pay for hair and makeup? Why? She isn’t in the wedding party, and won’t be in the bridesmaid photos or likely any other wedding photos. For me I can’t believe how incredibly awkward and uncomfortable I would be getting ready in the suite with the bride and bridesmaids when I obviously wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid myself. No thank you. 

OP should go with- “bride, I won’t be joining you for hair and makeup as that is a bridesmaid duty and I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. I look forward to celebrating as a guest.” 

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buzzerbeater :  

Post # 42
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

No!! Don’t pay for makeup and hair that you didn’t really agree to. That cost is so high! My bridesmaid’s hair and makeup was $75 for each service ($150 for both). I made it optional, so if bridesmaids wanted to get professional services they paid, if not, we would still get ready together without using pros. 

I completely agree this so called friend is using you to decrease the cost of her own services. I would NOT be paying nor agreeing to get ready together. Just tell the scam artist that you will be getting ready on your own since you didn’t know about the cost upfront and can’t afford it. And if she gets pissed off at you, then say good riddance to this scammer.



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