Post # 1
One thing I have always found to be interesting is how engaged couples say they must do things at their wedding due to obligation to make others (namely the parents) happy when it sacrifices their own happiness/comfort, what have you. In the same breath, they say that the wedding is about the bride and groom, which it is, and that others’ opinions don’t matter, which is also true as long as no one is inconvenienced in any way. Your wedding, your decision and if someone doesn’t like your choices, they get to do things their way when it is their turn. That said, it seems like a double standard to sacrifice your own happiness to make others happy who have already had that opportunity years prior.
Is there anything you are doing (begrudgingly perhaps) at your wedding to please others that you would rather not have any part in? Or are you not including anything that doesn’t fit your own seal of approval and everyone else can take it or leave it?
Post # 3
We just started our wedding planning but there are already a couple things that we are getting some raised eyebrows about. We are not willing to budge on our “no open bar policy” though. Another no budge issue is that we are not getting married in a church. I don’t know if there is anything that we are obligated to do, I am sure as it gets closer we will hear some opinions though.
Post # 4
We invited some people I didn’t want to. I can’t think of anything else at the moment.
Post # 5
By obligation, I meant doing things that others (parents, etc) insist you must do or else. Usually, the folks involved will let you know right away what you “must” do or not do so it’s perfectly clear if they approve or not and what you have to do asap to remedy the situation to make them happy when it is not their wedding to begin with.
Post # 6
Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about that too much. My parents didn’t care about either of my weddings enough to make anything an obligation. (That wasn’t entirely a positive, but it was useful in that way.) With my first wedding, the groom insisted that he had to invite first cousins once removed, which got the guest list larger than I would have liked. For my second wedding, I didn’t face even that much of an obligation.
Post # 7
In my mind, it really comes down to compromise. There are certain things that we were not willing to budge on, and because of that we were willing to foot the bill if it came to that. But we do want our parents to be happy and be involved in the planning if they wish to be, so we’ve made some small sacrifices (FMIL wants us to get a small church blessing a few weeks later, she specifically did not want a buffet, both sets of parents have friends of theirs that they really want at the wedding, etc.)
Post # 8
My parents are pretty awesome in that they’re supporting of whatever I choose. However I sometimes get into interesting conversations whenever our assumptions don’t match. For example, my mom might naturally assume I’m going to have a long veil or something, so when she saw the short little thing I plan on wearing, she questioned my decision at first and had to “let it sink in” for a bit.
Post # 9
My parents are really pushing for a receiving line…we really don’t want this… does anyone have any neat ideas about what to do instead?
Post # 10
We had so many people telling us what to do…so many fights and arguements! We decided that we are going to do what we wanted to do all along: elope! So that’s how we are solving this problem…lol.
Post # 11
The only thing I’ve encountered is about picking a date. Venting about that here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/these-dates-and-rules-are-driving-me-nuts
Oh, she also didn’t like that my original venue was ‘too far’ from where all my relatives live (a whopping hour). So she wanted me to keep looking for something closer, which I did just to try to at least try to make an attempt… but it turned out that I found another place for the same price that i LOVE so much more.. so yay! That one acutally worked out for me. Cept that this place is already so booked next year.
Post # 12
Instead of a receiving line, my sister and her husband greeted each person at the pew and hugged them/said hello. After they were announced as husband and wife, walked down the aisle with the bridesmaids/groomsmen, her and her husband came back in and starting at the front row, brides side, they “dismissed people” from their pews..
In order to keep people from leaving in between her walking out and coming back in, they kept the music going, fairly loud.
The plus side is that they said hello to everyone before the reception, so no one was left out and didnt get a chance to say hello.. the downside.. it takes awhile.
Post # 13
We’ve invited family members neither of us know (at the request my mother) and included +1 for some of them (again, at the request of my mother).
We’ve chosen to do or not do some things that are getting us some raised eyebrows too. No open bar (we’re paying for the wedding ourselve and we just can’t afford it!), no registry, and it’s a civil ceremony, which the religious members of our families don’t love.
That’s so far… who knows what else will come up! I just keep reading the Bee and reminding myself that this day is supposed to reflect US, not everyone we know 🙂