Obnoxious siblings.

posted 2 weeks ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
6530 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Damn, OP. That’s a whole lot. I hope your chemo went well and that you are able to have the time and space you need to recuperate. It sounds like you and your husband (and a few of your sibs) have created your own little family sanctuary and that is such a blessing for your kids, that you are breaking the cycle your mother passed on.

Mothers can really do a number on their kids, though, can’t they? Several of my friends (also from large families, interestingly) have spoken about their toxic family dynamics and the lengths they’ve had to go to to recover from their upbringing (and specifically, their mothers’ parenting). I’ve got a toxic relative (from a large family) who liked to pit her kids (and their kids) against each other. It seems best to keep her at arm’s length as much as possible, so that’s what I do. She can be very lovely and charming when she wants to, but the older she’s gotten, the less she’s cared to make the effort (so, essentially, the last 40+ years of her life).

I think it’s wise to keep your sister far far FAAAAAR away from you, especially as you are healing. It was generous of you to even acknowledge her message. Would you ever just block her from here on?

Also, if she is trying to force her child on your mother, can you (meaning not you but another of your siblings) get Elder Services involved to protect her from them?

Post # 3
Member
5124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Id do her taxes so well that she would be first on the audit list.

You’ve been through a lot and are doing so well. Keep it up by keeping the toxic people out of your life.

Post # 5
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Im sorry youre going through this. I am also from a large family.  Middle child of 6 and I understand the dynamics.  Interesting to hear the toxic behaviour is common in large families.

My Mum who I’m currently not talking to is a huge gossip.  She doesn’t work so spends her days gossiping to my 2 sisters who also don’t work about her other kids & usually their spouses. It’s so toxic. We aren’t talking as she implied my husband was cheating on me as he volunteers as a first responder which involves night shifts. Just disgusting. 

2020 is the year we cut out toxic people..

I hope things improve x 

Post # 6
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

Just ignore the message and block her everywhere

 

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Nope!!! You talk bad about my kids like that than I am going to cut you loose. I feel your doing the right thing. My children’s name shouldn’t be part of her negitive conversation.

Post # 8
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Wowwwwwwwwww

Post # 9
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee

Oh, I’m so sorry you are dealing with family dynamics like this. 

When faced with difficult circumstances, some people wallow and never seek to do better. Some people grow stronger. You clearly have grown stronger and wiser, and it’s going to benefit your children and their children down the line. Many hugs to you. 

Post # 10
Member
7873 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My mom’s family was pretty toxic. She was one of 4 and my grandma would always stir crap up and put them against each other. After my grandmother died the siblings were able to maintain a much better relationship now that grandma wasn’t meddling. 

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