Post # 1
Member
46 posts
Newbee
My SO has and ex wife I have an ex husband that is sometimes life we all have pasts.
I have no hang ups that he was married before nor do I feel like Im competing with somebody else.
They have been divorced about 5 years not together for 7 years.
But she is calling every day we blocked her number but she can still leave answerphone messages.
they have a grown u daughter so no contact due to this.
When I first got into the relationship with him I had been friends with him for a long number of years so knew all about her constant harrasment. She has turned up even at my work I truly believe she has mental issues.
She has very little contact with her daughter who is very close with us both.
The messages say things like does your girl know you arent divorced which they 100% are Ive seen all paperwork, Why dont you marry her – she does not know of our plans nor will she. I love you come home where you should be we have a future I make you happy. Sometimes its then abuse about how rubbish he is and how little anybody respects him.
I love my man with all my heart that is not in question.
But how do I deal with the ex wife I did in the begining offer to sit and have a talk and explained that I would have respect for her as she was his daughters Mum and if she had any issues of how I was with his daughter she should come and be an adult and sit and talk but she would never be able to discuss mine and her exs private life as that is exactly what it is private.
She is not reasonable on any level but if I was to go shouting at her I think she would enjoy it and then it looks like I care about what she does I wont give her the satisfaction.
She is also at the end of the day the mother to his daughter and I love his daughter I dont ever want to loose her respect I have 2 daughters of my own that I adore and luckily so does he.
Any tips think I just needed to get this of my chest sorry for the moaning
Post # 2
Member
9216 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
get a restraining order for harrassment
Post # 3
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
I would get police involved. Is changing numbers an option? Get it to where you’re unlisted so she can’t search you guys. And keep a positive spirit! Sorry you have to deal with that :/
Post # 4
Member
46 posts
Newbee
Cant change number as a business number 20 years.
Been in contact with police about 4 times they arent really intrested no violence just the constant calling.
I dont have any issues with my relationship I arent worried about that part I just hate hearing her saying things about love to the man I love it really upsets me.
We have started recording them all so we can email them all to solicitor its just I cant see any reason for her to stop.
She has no pride 7 years on and still it continues.
I think she will get a big shock when she realises he is intending to marry me he thinks she is on the opinion he will never remarry. Im certain Im not just been overly sensitive. I went through a horrible marriage and even my ex gave up with the contact long long ago.
Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Sounds like your fiancé needs to take the reins here
Post # 6
Member
46 posts
Newbee
We arent engaged yet but it has been discussed alot.
I would agree with that one and have been down that route but all that happens is she calls more and then tells daughter and me that he is in constant contact with her and he will never stop loving her.
I really feel its a boredom thing has nothing to do no children no husband no job and is a fair bit older than him nearing 60 Im a little younger than him a few years and 37.
She says I look old and Im ugly non of this is true but its still horrible to hear.
It really upsets his daughter as we have a great relationship she doesnt want her Dad or me upset anymore.
How do you make somebody realise that what they are doing is wrong when they really dont care or are irrational.
Post # 7
Member
5035 posts
Bee Keeper
You won’t be able to reason with this woman. Continue to record all her messages and possibly speak with a lawyer. This is harrassment whether or not threats are involved.
Post # 8
Member
46 posts
Newbee
Thank you, yes will continue to do so and try put it to back of my mind.
She wants me to get fed up of her doing this and walk away but we are solid.
I just dont want to know somebody is saying those things to him.
Im anti violence and not a shouter we have a very loving home but sometimes I would like to give her something back but I know she would love that.
Post # 9
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
I can’t believe your Fiance has been putting up with such behaviour for 7 years…
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by littleminion.
Post # 10
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
late30excited:
It sounds like the ex wife is mentally ill and she is also very jealous.
Maybe your boyfriend has been putting up with her nonsense for so long because he feels sorry for her. Nevertheless, he needs to put a stop to this behavior immediately.
I’m surprised the police won’t charge her for harassment since she is behaving like a stalker.
If the police won’t get involved, I agree with the letter from the lawyer suggestion.
Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee
I believe she is a narcacist 3 messages yesterday
If it wasnt so damn infuriating Id be laughing
1 message said you best come back to me so I can have my hair cut I wont cut it till you come back home. She doesnt even live in same house.
Then saying I know i had issues but Im better now oh yeah looks that way.
I honestly dont know how he manages to ignore her but that is the only thing that works she isnt as bad as she used to be as she doesnt get a rise out of either of us.
Well we are in court in just less than 2 weeks for another matter with her so this needs bringing up and try to get a restraining no contact order or something in place. It is harrasment no other way to look at it.
I dont want his ex wife hovering in the background she is going to get one hell of a shock when we do get married.
Post # 12
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
Can you change your phone numbers?
Post # 13
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
I am not exactly in your situation, but I do sit next to a narcissitic bitch at my job who likes to harrass me on a regular basis (like your police, my work won’t do anything more than talk to her about her behaviour, which does nothing to change it for more than a day or two). I’ve figured out how to deal with her by…
1.) Ignoring her whenever possible, these people thrive on attention (good or bad). Do keep a record of her calls, though, including their content, but do not engage. She will make a big mistake at some point, either threatening you or him, and then you’ll have her by the balls. Threats are suitable grounds for a restraining order, but make sure you talk to your lawyer to see if you can’t get something done before it escalates to that point.
2.) Make sure she is well aware of how happy you are, absent of her presence in your life. If she ever gets you on the phone or you are ever forced to make contact, play up how happy you are together with her ex and how you’re planning for a wedding/going on a romantic cruise/etc. Most narcissists are miserable, insecure people and being happy is the best revenge against them.
The lady I deal with is an older, unmarried woman who is awful at her job and extremely jealous of me. She tries to make my work life hell and stress me out because her own life is miserable, and she can’t stand to see somebody else happy. I used to call her out on it, but she got her jollies from pissing me off, so now I just refuse to engage and that drives her nuts. Meanwhile, I feel nothing towards her and my work life is just fine. It took me months to get to this place, but it is worth it when I see her storm out of here every day in a tiff because she can’t bully me. Good luck!
Member