(Closed) Obsessed with Future, Sad About Now

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

The mantra I have been repeating (unsuccessfully) today is: THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

My husband and I got married in spring of this year. We were long distance for SIX years, all of them my fault (college then grad school.)

I remember being EXACTLY where you are tonight. And then, suddenly, I am here. And I am STILL thinking about the future….  or the past…. and I’m having a hard time living in the PRESENT and forgetting about everything else and just focusing on HIM.

I worry about things that happened or things that might happen with the holidays coming up, and everyone just screams “WHO CARES?! YOU HAVE HIM NOW, ENJOY IT!!”

I guess my point was: it’s very normal and even after the fact you sometimes find yourself worrying about past and future, and not living in the moment.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally understand where you are coming from. The closer May gets, the more that feeling intensifies! When Darling Husband was deployed, we went 8 months without seeing each other. Instead of focusing on how lame it was right then and there, I focused on getting by, day by day. One at a time. And then next thing you know, it was over! When it’s over you, look back and go, “really? i did that? wow i was crazy” haha =]

Post # 6
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@Snowy414: wow I feel like I could have written your post. You described exactly what I feel sometimes too. I just can’t wait for the future which means us together in the same freaking house/city/state– I’ll take any of those! aughhh, It’s just so difficult sometimes to focus on the present :/

 

Post # 7
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel this way ALL THE TIME. My SO & I have been together 4 and 1/2 years and 3 1/2 of those have been long distance.  We are both finishing our degrees in the Spring and will be getting engaged shortly after, but it’s the RIGHT now that is to hard to deal with.  I feel so so frustrated with how our relationship can’t be as “normal” as couples who live in the same area, but don’t know what to do.  Just waiting for the next 7 months to go by as quickly as possible before I go even crazier!!

Post # 8
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

@Snowy414:

I know exactly how you feel. My partner and I have been doing long distance for just over three years. We have a wonderful relationship but for the past year or so it has been really rough and we both feel like our relationship is on hold or has been flicked into slow motion.

I have been trying really hard lately to focus on the now but the problem I have (which I’m sure everyone in a long distance relationship has to deal with) is that our future just seems so damn good that it kills me to not just be able to jump forward through time lol

The thing that pulls me through is that I know that I (like you) only have a few more months until I will finally get to be with him “full time” and that I know that after being away from him for so long I will always appreciate little things like being able to watch a dvd with him on a lazy sunday or having someone other than myself eat my terrible cooking lol

Post # 9
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@greekbrunettebride: Yes I had been focusing all my time on the future lately that my frustrations had been affecting my relationships present. I have now vowed not to obsess over it and not to nag Fiance about things we can not change right now but it is hard.

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@nycbrde2011: wow, we were just talking about that last night. I was so focused on the  future and he was starting to get lonely in the present lol. That’s how we described it. Which makes me feel awful but it’s sooooo hard to be happy with the present, when we can’t see each other every day/every other day/every weekend/even every couple weeks!!!! ahhh so frustrating sometimes!

I need some tips — I’m gonna go create a new post about this!

Post # 11
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am with you 100% I feel like the present is nothing.. I look forward to next winter when we move intogether and start “our” lives together.  I’m obsessed with it! When I go shopping I look at furniture or when I visit, I will spot apartments or condos for rent and start talking about it. He talks about it too, but I don’t know if I’m driving him nuts lol He seems to enjoy “fantasizing” about our life together with me so I guess it’s ok. I feel foolish sometimes going off rambling about it with stars in my eyes and a huge smile, especially to my friends who are actually not happy about my decision to move. I’ve really not had much success in positive reinforcment with my father or friends when it comes to my relationship. So I guess in a way my daydreaming is a way for me to escape my not very happy situation in hope of a happier one soon!

Post # 12
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally know how you feel and it really does suck. There’s nothing that makes it easier *except* thinking of the future. You’re soo very lucky that you only have a few more months before it’s actually here, so just remember that. Once my Fiance and I are married, we’ll have 2 more years apart (and we still don’t know where he’ll be stationed next, but I’m staying put) and I know that it will be very hard, but it has an end! That’s the best part. 

Post # 13
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

My husband and I were LDR for over a year… it was very hard, i completely understand. There were days where I was mad at the world, mad at him for being in the military, and mad at myself for not going with him while I had the chance. However, it brought us closer together, and taught us that we could make it work under any circumstances if we could make it work when we never got to see each other… we were on the other side of the country from each other.

I stayed behind so I could save money and that turned out to be the best decision I ever made, because they $10,000 I saved ended up saving us when we fell on a really hard time financially (i.e. I couldn’t find a job). Soooo yeah, it’s hard but take this time to get things in order and I can’t even tell you how much it will make you appreciate the time you do have when you’re together. 

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