- 6 years ago
Going anonymous for this one…
I need some real advice and opinions. I’m recently and very happily engaged to my soul mate (so corny I know, but this dude is the “one,” hands down), and I’ve had a gross habit of googling his ex for a while now.
The long and boring part: He was with her for seven years, she broke up with him a little over a year ago, and I met him about 2 months after the break up. When I first met my FH, he was definitely still effected by this, and even called me by her name a couple of times. He would also (very rarely) make comments such as my ex was so beautiful, but a complete c***, but was still my best friend for so long. My FH isn’t a crazy person (as I clearly am) and several of his friends and even family have stated so much about the chick.
However, I, in all my low self esteem glory, couldn’t help but wonder if he would go back to her and was curious as to what kind of person held such a spell over him, and just how “hot” was she? I was definitely worried I was the rebound and that he might possibly go back to her. Since then, she’s texted him and tried to stir up trouble with hateful messages on facebook about how she “was the best he could ever get,” etc. It turned out that she was actually cheating on him before the breakup and has since been with some other guy. She also made a fake profile on facebook and tried to add me as a friend.
So… not that any of the other details make me less awful, but I can’t help but wonder now if she’ll pop up. They dated for so long and he wouldn’t marry her, and now he’s engaged to me. Not only that but I HATE that she makes my FH out to be the guy that didn’t deserve her, and she has been so mean post break up. He’s so amazing and now I have details about her cheating that he’s unaware of…
And now for the really sick part: I constantly check her online accounts, like twice per day, and even recently found out her password for a major site. How do I stop looking? More importantly WHY am I looking??? I know that this is crazy. I’m happy, and I’m with the man that I love so dearly. It’s a strange blend of excitement when I look – god I’ve even found the chick’s myfitness pal account and noticed she’s gained a ton of weight (call it schadenfreude) and I want nothing more than to outdo her. Not to mention she lives just minutes away, I’m constantly worried we’ll run into her and I won’t measure up. I know this is crazy, but does anyone relate to this? I know it’s nuts and awful, but please some real help would be much appreciated.
Thanks so much for reading all this BS. I’m truly not a looney (I think) but this has become some kind of compulsion.