(Closed) Obsessed with his ex!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Okay, I have never been in your situation so I won’t have the best advice and I’m going to be brutally honest with you. There is a reason why he is marrying you, not her! He obviously wants to be with you otherwise he wouldn’t be with you. As for him and his family saying things about her- that won’t stop for a long time. He spent 7 years with her! That’s a long time! My SO dated someone for 6 years and it’s been like 4 years since they broke up and she still gets brought up every once in a while. Does it bother me? No! Because he is with me, not her!

As for your stalking her online, I would stop. The fact that you figured out one of her passwords is extrenely creepy. Relax.

Post # 18
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You’ve crossed into the illegal by hacking her accounts.  Knock it off before your fiance figures out.  He’ll think you’re crazy and that will not do good things for your relationship.

Post # 19
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

THis thread makes me wonder what FIs ex is up to.

Post # 20
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

Y’all both sound a little over the top. She needs to stop making fake accounts and you need to stay off of her myfitnesspal site. 

My DH and I ran into his ex one day shortly after we started dating. They had a history of YEARS, while we had a history of only months at the time. You know what happened? Nothing. She went on with her life and we moved on with ours and there were no comparisons made or analyzing weight gain/loss. 

He is with you, you are with him so I would stop expelling so much energy on this online habit… Because nothing good can come of it. 

Post # 21
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Back away from the monitor honey!

Your going to run yourself right into brick wall break down with no one to blame but yourself…stop it.

Those two aren’t together anymore and “hot” or not, I’ve got another saying for you to repeat over and over again, beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone….

This odious ex seems to me to be one of those femme fatale women that honestly feels her above average looks entitle her to treat others like shit, and she probably can, for a while anyway, until the person in question gets wise, figures out that’s not what love is about and moves on.  Besides, time is a wonderful teacher, in a few years, she’s going to find out that there’s someone younger and prettier and it’s not her anymore and that will force her figure out who she really is, instead of focusing on what she is….

Meanwhile, you and your Fiance will be happily married and living the good life, with crab cakes, cable tv and craft beer….

Every time you get the urge to snoop, imagine a hummingbird taking a shit over the Atlantic Ocean, that’s about how much this broad should bother you.

Post # 23
3261 posts
Sugar bee

You have an obvious problem with insecurities. Please seek mental help.

Post # 24
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why would one put themselves through this?!  It sounds like a terrible way to have to live!  We’ve all experienced something similar at one point or another, but at some point you realize how silly and self-destructive it is and you’ve got to let it go!  If you find yourself continually obsessing about it, I think you should get to the root cause (which you said was low self-esteem) and work on that.  Therapy is a wonderful thing, even for the non-crazy side of us! 😉    

Post # 25
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Once you stop snooping the easier it will get. You are addicted in a way? I can totally understand where you are coming from; she is the one who stired up the trouble. So you want to know what is going on in her life. It is comforting to know that she is at this place or dating this person. But it seems like your Fiance does not want anything to do with her and has not played into her drama.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about with her; just stop cold turkey!

Post # 26
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I occassionaly check my ex’ new wifes profile.  Usually to remind myself ” yep I traded UP”.  try thinking about that way- your Fiance TRADED UPPPPP

Post # 27
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

View original reply
@MrsSanchizel:   your comment gave me the giggles =) will we be seeing a similar thread from you in the next few days?! (it made me wonder too!)

View original reply
@anonadvice:  OP, the path to madness lies this way. you need to shut that down!! i do get it, my fi’s ex was superhot, and they were together years. as she was the one who broke up with him, i was very insecure for ages. but i try to tell myself there is nothing less attractive than jealousy combined with insecurity – and thinking about his ex will ultimately sabotage my relationship. I honestly dont think about her anymore – well, until this thread(!). at the end of the day, our fiances want to marry US and make a future with US. Most men have a past, its the future thats important

Post # 28
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@anonadvice:  You may want to encourage your Fiance to change his passswords too. If they used the same password for things then she could easily have access to his accounts too.

Post # 29
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Let me get this straight: You hate a girl you’ve never met, for being hot and having been with your Fiance. She has never done anything to you, and you have no concrete evidence she wants to be back with your Fiance whatsoever. She might have been adding you because she wants the three of you to mend bridges and be friends.

Rather than enjoy your time with him planning your wedding, you are doing basically what amounts of laughing at fat people on the internet. You are thinking of doing something that could be very hurtful to this girl, and for what reason? Just because you feel intimidated by her? Go buy some new clothes, join a gym, and for goodness’ sakes get some therapy if you keep having these feelings. Your problem isn’t with her. It’s with you. If you liked yourself more, you wouldn’t have to hate her. Your feelings about yourself have nothing to do with her, and there’s nothing she can do to help that.

You say she’s a c— because him, and his friends and family say she is, but that’s the sort of thing lots of people say after a breakup. You have no evidence of this as far as you personally are concerned, if I read that right. . Cheating is a mistake, but people make mistakes, and if she broke up with him soon after, then she did the best she could with the bad situation she had created. 

But if you declare war on this woman, everyone will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that YOU are a c—, and an insecure one at that. Don’t let this make you a c—. You really need to be the better person if you want to save your relationship. The more YOU think about her and talk about her, the more HE will think about her.

If she really is prettier (and who’s to say she is? Beauty is completely subjective), he is obviously with you, and wants to marry YOU — not her — because of who you are on the inside. Don’t let her destroy that, or she will become even more of a threat than she really is (which might be “not at all” as far as we know.) Because given the choice between two insecure c—s, all other things being equal, the man will most likely pick the prettier one. A good, kind heart trumps beauty any day, and a life well and gracefully lived really is the best revenge. Don’t give away your trump card.

Post # 30
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@EffieTrinket:  +1

PS. You should really seek therapy. Hacking into her accounts is a little on the psycho side.


Post # 31
4696 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can understand where you are coming from….. My FI  dated his ex for a few years before he met me. They lived together with his parents in his hometown as well.

My Fiance told me everything when we first started going out and I didn’t  really care….until recently. A few scenarios happened that got me wondering about her.

1. We went to visit his family and a few people felt it was ok to mention her to me in passing …..like WTF???? (this made me concious that I was #2 on the scene)

2. I recently met his old best friend from the time he dated his ex. the  wife  of FI’s best friend is best friends with FIs ex…. My FIs friend is really nice but his wife is a B###H! (She was taking photos of us on the sly to send to FI’s Ex)

So as you can image  all these things colliding at the same time really started to niggle into my brain . It got  me asking Fiance about stuff and her that I never cared about before….I started reading into things too much and put stupid ideas into my head.

I even used stalkbook once (facebook) to see what she looked like….(as I’d never seen any photos as Fiance burnt/ripped  them after they broke up.)

When looking at her profile on facebook I saw she had gotten married, had moved on and looked happy…..I looked at my profile picture and saw a picture of me and Fiance looking very happy at our engagement party……It just clicked…my Fi and his Ex had moved on….it was other people who for whatever reason hadn’t.

So I stopped obsessing about it….and remembered that I had always been thankful to FI’s ex for bringing him to my home town (otherwise we would have never met) I have also always been very thankful to her for being sooo neurotic and mentally unstable….that me at my most crazy is considered normal (and endearing)  by my Fiance Tongue Out.

Your Fiance loves you OP….he chose you…..try look at his ex in a different way….she probably taught your Fiance loads about himself and about what he really wanted in a relationship….that is why he is with you!!!





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