(Closed) Obsessed with his ex!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Please stop acting this way, it really is not healthy. I don’t think you are going to be able to stop until you come clean about it all, tell your Fiance what you have been doing. Request him change his passwords and seek therapy to overcome your insecurities and stalking tendencies. These actions are illegal.

Post # 33
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

i think i would have the same morbid curiousity as you. you are definitely not a bad person for feeling this way. i have to admit, as much as i hate it, that i occasionally look up my FIs ex on facebook and pinterest just to see whats up. i dont have any jealousy with her any more. we are both engaged, and i am just as happy as can be, pluuuuus (how vain am i, i know!! sorry, but it’s just how i felt….) it sort of helped when i realized i was better looking and much more educated. 

as time goes on i know i will look less and less, and before long i’ll probably forget she even existed. she and my Fiance only dated for about a year. me and him have been together for 3 now. i was just insecure in the beginning, and now its just the curiousity i guess that keeps me checking hers out.

overall, i would say to not stress about it! just set goals and rewards for yourself so you stop looking, or better yet, block her from your site so that you cant creep on eachother!! odds are shes looking at yours too

Post # 34
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

I have been down this road and let me tell you it only leads to a whole lot of crazy!  This behavior will only lead to further obsession and insecurity.  Know that your SO chose YOU and this person from his past does not matter ~ she is his PAST,  YOU are his present and his future!

Post # 35
Member
4160 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

After reading your post, I realized I hadn’t creeped my husband’s ex since before we got married which was over a year ago!  So I went to creep her on FB and she has a completely open profile…all photo albums, all posts, everything! SCORE! lol I’m totally being a creep.

But I honestly think it’s natural to be interested in ex’s.  My husband is quite private and even in the beginning of our relationship, he didn’t want to elaborate on his ex.  All I knew about her was she cheated on him.  I believe they lived together for a short time because he mentioned that after she cheated, he let her stay until she found a new place (too nice of a guy?!)  I don’t even know how long they were together. I only found out her name because it’s on the bottom of an old boardgame he still has.  So ya, I creep her every so often, just cuz I’m totally curious about this person who used to be a part of my husband’s life!  There is no jealousy, no thoughts of them getting back together, just genuienely curious about this girl!

 

Post # 36
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Haha, all of this made me giggle. <3 

When I first began dating my Fiance I learned about the terrible break-up him and his ex girlfriend had. She cheated on him, and left him….For his best friend. Fiance apparently got so aggressive towards her and his best friend once they announced their engagement 2 months after she broke up with my Fiance that they ran to Mexico for several months. 

Then I came into the picture, I was told by his friends that I’d never be as good as his ex, and that I should just leave him. His mom even called me by his ex’s name once, and I was really hurt by this. Needless to say we had a really rough first year. I ended up finding out from one of my FI’s friends that she had become obsessed with me. She was stalking my Myspace (when that used to be really popular) and she wanted to add me but was afraid I might hate her, and she had cooked up these delusions of me to the point it was just down right creepy…. 

She was asking my FI’s friend all about me, and he would tell her everything. Give her status and update reports about me to her, she was keeping tabs on me as my FI’s girlfriend….Gah….Man….Thinking about it now…..It creeps me out so much! 

In turn it made me start looking her up online, doing checks on her, learning as much as I could about her. Crazy makes you crazy, remember that. I found a box of her stuff and wore her bracelet around for months until I realized how crazy I was becoming about this girl! I quickly shut myself down, I cut this childish crap out cold turkey and never looked back. Now I could give two hamster loves less about her and I am now engaged to my wonderful man, and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else! 

Move on from this, just stop, if you’re going to obsess over it then write in a blog, or journal, and move on. Find a room where no one else is at and just have a conversation with yourself about how dumb she is and then move on. I get where you’re coming from, and I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 37
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You’re making this the issue here, not your Fiance. Just stop checking up on her, he’s with you for a reason.

Post # 38
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@anonadvice:  

 

You have definitely crossed a line.  It’s one thing to be curious and look at an ex’s Facebook profile, but it’s another when you obsess over it and break into it by guessing their password.  That is not normal behaviour.  It sounds like you are both stalking each other.  At this point, you can’t control her actions though so you need to be the bigger person and back off.  I’m not sure how old you guys are but this seems like high school crap to me and I’m not sure you’re quite mature enough to handle a marriage.  I’d suggest getting some therapy before you continue with your wedding plans.

Post # 39
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is it occuring to anyone else that this girl is trying to friend you on facebook/find out about you because she KNOWS someone is hacking in to her accounts and suspects its you?

I get the looking the ex up on facebook thing, everyone does that. But logging in to her accounts with passwords is actually something she could call the police on you for. And its a breakup-worthy thing to do from the perspective of  your fiance.  Honestly, I’d block whatever sites you’re using to stalk this girl before this bites you in the ass.

 

Post # 40
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Wow. Honestly I think you are both childish and mental. His ex creates fake profiles? You hack into her accounts. You really need some help. Both of you do. 

We have run into my fellas ex, twice? They said hello and went their separate ways. You need to stop over imagining everything. Stop being the crazy girl and get on with your life! 

Post # 41
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I guess the ex and present Girlfriend would be a little curious about the other and looking them up on FB is okay.  However, you totally crossed the line by hacking into her account.  Please don’t ever do that again.  If your SO finds out he is going to think that you are stone crazy especially since she hasn’t done anything to you.

DH exwife and I had a mutual friend on FB.  That friend told her about our engagement.  I deleted that person off my page.  I have no time for people that’s going to bring drama in my life.  Exwife started stalking my page.  I posted that we picked a venue and colors.  She called DH going off saying that I’m posting stuff on FB to hurt her feelings.  DH was like you guys aren’t friends on FB so why are you going on her page and reading her stuff?   It pissed him off really bad that she was stalking me on FB.

I think if your SO finds out it’s going to cause some issues in your relationship.

Post # 42
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

I look at his Ex,s Facebook page. It caused a lot of drama once because she had posted a photo of them together that was actually old but I didn’t know when it was taken and since me and SO were in an LDR at that time I did NOT like it one bit. They werent kssing or anything but i still freaked out. But in retrospect I just think they were some old pics she posted because she thought she looked cute in them. She was wrong. LOL.

she doesn’t know my name so it seems very unfair I can look at her stuff without her having any idea that I am doing so. As time has passed she has posted more photos and become a more prolific FB user so nothing on there is connected to him anymore.

i know it is unhealthy but I can’t seem to stop. I do it less often though. At one time I dropped of Facebook to avoid looking at it. But I was just depriving myself so ii reopened my account and just look every once in a while.

Post # 43
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Our stories are insanely similar, here goes…My Fiance was married for 2 years before he met me to a very beautiful (but damaged) woman. We were all part of a tight knit social group. They were married for two years (she cheated on him 6 months after the wedding), then went on to cheat a second time, just before breaking up with him. He and I started dating 2 months after she left. I felt weird dating him, because I knew her…but also knew that she had screwed him over. 

She loves attention, but is very subtle. Every man I know wants to sleep with her (and some women). I was waaaay intimidated, but trying to be mature about everything. She friended me on facebook, and we would run into her at parties (which usually resulted in her pulling him aside for some heart to heart) He was still getting over her, and it was really horrible for my self-esteem. While I didnt do anything like hack her account (you gotta stop that) I was always comparing myself to her.  I have always struggled with my weight…and she is prob a size 2. I spent the next year starving myself and trying to be perfect so that I would measure up. It was craziness in its own way. 

Finally, we hosted a party for a mutual friends bday. The friend asked if we would mind if she came to our home. I grudgingly agreed, and she came with her current bf. During the course of the night she ended up having sex in OUR basement, with another friend’s fiance (this ended their engagement) while her current bf was upstairs hanging out with everyone. Yes, this really happened. 

This really clarified things for me. I realized that there was absolutely NO comparison between me and this woman. While she may be beautiful, she is pretty much broken. He would never go back with her. I am simply a better person. More loving, more loyal, and I respect others. He and I have been together 6 years, and are engaged. You have to set yourself apart from her by taking the high road. Dont sink to her level or play her games. Let her crazy behavior speak for itself. You will come out as infinitely more attractive in the end. 

Post # 44
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I can completely relate to this one. My bf’s ex was a model and gorgeous and their house was amazing and so clean and perfect looking (she didn’t work) and she used to be a teacher for grade 1-3 kids so she’s good with kids and for the longest time, it made me feel insecure, like I would never be as good as her and never be good enough for him. It didn’t matter to me how many times everyone told me that she was a b or crazy and didn’t treat him right. I’ve heard so many times that his friends didn’t like her, his family couldn’t stand her and he wasn’t happy with her, I was still obsessed with her.

Then one day after seeing a picture of her on Facebook looking all perfect, I was upset and talking to a girlfriend and she just said to me “get over it. He loves you and you’re perfect to him. Stop thinking about her, stop looking at pictures, just stop it!”

I did stop looking and I feel 100% better. My advice to you is just stop!! Hacking into her accounts is so, so wrong!! Please don’t do that ever again! And please just stop looking for her. She’s in his past, there’s a reason why she didn’t make it to his future – YOU are his future!

Post # 45
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the others, you have to just stop doing this and ut this woman out of your mind. What would your Fiance say if he knew you were acting like a crazy person like this?

I think some therapy is a great idea.

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