- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I apologize in advance if this is way too long. I’ll do my best to keep it brief.
I have OCD, and have stuggled with it for many years. I don’t want to get into the mechanics of the disease but to help you understand, it is, at its heart, anxiety. Crippling, debilitating anxiety. And I have the version that doesn’t necessarily have physical compulsions, i.e., washing my hands and checking locks, etc., instead it’s all in my brain.
Early on in my relationship with Fiance, I had a very severe relapse. It took me about a year to get back to a functioning state without daily attacks, and it’s only very recently that I’ve started to approach anywhere near the way I was before I had the relapse. I’m doing pretty good. But major life changes are ALWAYS a trigger, and I know, for a fact, that I will probably be feeling pretty anxious about the wedding.
You have to understand, bees. OCD has the power to turn me into a quivering, silent mess. I want to enjoy my wedding day. I want to be there, not just passing through. Even more important, I don’t want the first months or even years of our marriage marked by something so horrible.
So this minor thing has cropped up. I already know I am going to be nervous on the day of, but I’ve been doing pretty darn good so far. Until people started insisting on telling me exactly how many days I have left until the wedding. There are a couple people who think it’s hilarious to remind me because I’ve made it known that I don’t appreciate it. So now they’re trying harder.
The thing is, I wasn’t nervous before, but that’s because I’ve been mostly floating in this state of blissful ignorance. I didn’t care how many days were left before because I wasn’t counting. And I just want to stay in that state til my wedding day, but I need to shut these people down fast if it’s going to work in time. The constant reminders are starting to make me anxious because I’m so worried about being anxious. 🙁
Please give me your best pointers to deal with this! How can I shut down the countdown clockers? Keep in mind I work with some of these people and therefore a.) don’t want to explain WHY I really don’t want them to do it, there are very few people who know what I struggle with and I’d like to keep it that way, and b.) therefore have to stay polite.
Also, while I really appreciate your pointers, I am not looking for advice on how to deal with my anxiety. Just advice on how to stop the constant reminding. Thanks, bees!