Post # 1
Ok, so I legitimately have OCD (diagnosed for years). Specifically, I have dermatilloma, and OCD revolving mostly around switches and plugged in appliances (especially hair things and irons). I also have a history of eating disorders and I have been hospitalized due to it.
Anyway, last night, I realized I am feeling worse and worse through the planning process of this wedding….
Honestly, the actual planning (for the most part) hasn’t been that stressful. But I’m having specific triggers. Like most people, money is one of them. But what’s really killing me is the dress. And my skin. I am 100% obsessing over them both. I have 2 dresses (ceremony and reception). I am not 100% in love with the ceremony one, but it’s fine. The reception one I WANT to love, but it needs very specific alterations to be the way I want it. I just went through round one of alterations and they turned out HORRIBLE. So I’m taking it elsewhere.
Anyway (sorry, I’m really overwhelmed), I can’t….stop….obsessing. Every detail of my dress. Will I be able to fix it? Will I love it? Will I look good? Will I look and feel as good as I did 10 years ago when I married my ex-husband? I want to look BETTER than that. But HOW, I was 20! My skin – I’m thinking of getting botox or something to fix my “11” frown line. I’m only 30, but I squint and worry all the time. The wrinkle is getting worse. I’m getting migraines daily just trying NOT to squint.
The thing is, I KNOW it’s not the wedding that matters. I KNOW it’s the marriage. FI and I have a great relationship. No question at all about that. But the OCD and my body issues are telling me that the dress, my skin, the details of MY appearance are going to matter….that everyone will be judging me, comparing me to a decade ago….
I just can’t stop….
Anyone relate? (ps thanks for reading! if you made it all the way through, you’re amazing!!!) Anyone????
Post # 3
Hey. I totally understand. I have struggled with disordered eating and body issues my whole life. Having an entire day devoted to people looking at me is not exactly my idea of a perfect day. I love my dress, but I’m constantly concerned that it’s not perfect. Same with the rest of the wedding.
However, I do know that I am marrying the man of my dreams and my family is extremely supportive. I know that my wedding day is just the beginning of our life together, so anything that happens that day will just disolve into memories.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I am sure you look amazing in your dresses and try to relax a little. Do you have a therapist or counselor? This seems like a perfect topic to bring up with him or her. Good luck!
Post # 4
OP, the thing I worry about with getting botox is that if you have a disordered vision of your body, you’ll just move on to obsessing about some other tiny “flaw.” I doubt it’s even visible in pictures, but if it is, the photog can airbrush it out.
And in general, I think most women look better at 30 than they did at 20, believe it or not. They have more confidence and grace.
Post # 5
I do have a therapist, but I haven’t gone in quite awhile, due to financial constraints. Hence, fellow bees support!! 🙂 I love you ladies!
I would have eloped, except Fiance is really excited about having this big day. It’s really important to him! My family has not been very supportive, especially since (I feel) my divorce was a let down to them. I think feeling a bit like I failed them somehow doesn’t help. I have zero regrets about the divorce itself, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’ve been through the whole wedding stuff before, and I feel like everyone’s enthusiam level is non-existant for me. 🙁
Post # 6
Hugs. I’m sorry your family is making you feel bad about it. But you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You found a wonderful man, and you are marrying him – if they can’t get excited about that, I feel sorry for them.
Re: finances, is there a way you could cut back on some wedding expenses to get a few therapy visits in? It might be woth it if it helps you feel more relaxed/confident.
Post # 7
@mightywombat: Thank you!! 🙂 I just talked to Fiance about it, and he agreed that I may need to head back to the therapist for a few visits. Unfortunately, the wrinkle is actually there, in pics and in real life. I’ve asked a couple close friends, and Fiance himself, and they’ve all told me it isn’t in my head and it is there all the time (although they also all agree it’s not something I should freak out about)…but I do agree, I pretty much guaranteed would obsess over something else. I’m not planning to get botox (though I keep thinking about it)…and it probably helps that we can’t afford it anyway. I’m going to try some wrinkle creams though….or maybe some bangs 🙂
It’s not that my family is really ASHAMED of it, theyre just…less than enthusiastic. I don’t know the exact motivations…it could be that I don’t talk about it as much (also because we’re paying for it, so I don’t feel the need to ask them/inform them of every detail) or … I don’t know. I DO know that no one thinks we should be having a big wedding (which we are)…but we’re paying for it, we’re happy, so…they can deal!
Post # 8
Hi! Just wanted to let you know that someone else here can relate. My wedding was last year, but I went through many of your same problems. I have trichotillomania (I pull my eyebrow hairs out.) Stress makes it difficult for me to control it, and the money and body image issues surrounding a wedding definitely added to stress. Also, I was a second time bride. We didn’t have a huge wedding, but it was still important to me! But everytime my mom would talk to someone about my wedding, she felt it necessary to say that this was my second wedding as if somehow that and the fact that I was 38 made it less important. But this was the wedding that mattered to me because I know this is the marriage that will count. In order not to stress so much, I just tried to focus on outlets in my life that I knew would take my mind off of the worrisome thoughts. I love to run and work out, and that was a great way to blow some steam off (and keep my fingers away from my eyebrows). I also agree that talking to your therapist is a good idea.
As for wrinkles, it’s hard getting older, and though you may have more wrinkles in these wedding pictures than you did in the ones 10 years ago, think about all the wisdom and growth that have accompanied those 10 years of wrinkles. I’ll take my wrinkles any day over the naivete of the girl who married my ex-husband.
Post # 9
Hey, I’m also an OCD sufferer and have had it for years (it was very bad when I was 15; I received CBT which helped alot). My OCD seems to flare up around times of stress. I know exactly how you feel; I’m enjoying planning the wedding but I can’t stop obsessing over my dress (I’ve had my dress a year already and am getting married next year so I’m petrified that something will happen to it). My mum keeps the dress at her house (I would worry about it way to much at mine) but I still want to keep checking it! I think so much pressure is put on the bride and groom to look perfect that it takes what should be a wonderful time building up to the wedding and turns it into a giant panic. If you feel that you’re struggling then I think you should definitely talk to someone about it. There might be something like a hormone problem increasing OCD symptoms. Try and have some relax time, take some time out and do something you enjoy! I find something that takes alot of concentration like drawing or reading is great, you can’t worry when your mind is occupied with something else 🙂
Strange question but have you gone on any new medication recently? I am on a new contraceptive pill and have become pretty terrible in the last month. I thought it was just me struggling however I spoke to the doctor about it and he said it was likely that the pill was making me worse (although it should get better with time).
As for the lack of enthusiam thing, have you spoken to your family about it? Maybe you could let them know that you’re feeling a little deflated that there not excited. My mum doesn’t really believe in a ‘big’ wedding (my mum had a VERY small wedding) and spending thousands on one day so she seemed more worried than excited. I spoke to her about it and how I felt a little sad and now she’s really enjoying talking about decorations, veils etc 🙂
Post # 10
@namarie: you’re totally right with keeping my mind on other things! I’ve been trying to work out more, using a pilates machine that I recently got. Even just 30 minutes a day seems to help me focus my mind a little bit on more positive things!!
@LaraW: concentrating on artistic things has always been my outlet – unfortunately, lately all those things have been diy wedding projects! maybe I need to take alittle extra time for “me” projects! I’m not on any new medication (in fact, I haven’t taken any type of medication at all in the past year). However, I am severely anemic, and I find when I don’t have my b12 injection, I get pretty unstable feeling. I tried to talk to my mom about the lack of enthusiasm, but it really didn’t get me anywhere. I guess I’ll save the excitement for me and my FI!
Post # 11
Maybe this is not the reaction you’re looking for, but I just wanted to let you know that out of curiosity after reading this post I went to watch what you look like in your dresses; you look hot! Great body, great dresses, hot! You’re going to knock everybody’s socks of with your appearance, for sure.
Post # 12
@Stetil: Awww, thank you!! That’s so sweet of you to say! My Fiance says the same thing, but I just can’t get it through my head….there’s just so much pressure!
Post # 13
I struggle with it all the time.
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